


Please Remember I Love You

by jamesilver



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abduction, Angst, Emotions, Emperor Hux, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Love, M/M, Marriage, Married Life, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sassy, Skywalker Family Drama, So much angst, Tension, ben defects, ben is good, i really cannot emphasizes how much angst is in this fic, other things i don’t want to tag bc they will be spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:58:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesilver/pseuds/jamesilver
Summary: After murdering Snoke, Kylo Ren flees alongside Rey, returning to the Reistance and to his mother after ten years. They at once begin strategizing on how to take down the corrupt and evil First Order......“Hux may be willing to meet with me if I play this right,” Kylo said.They all turned to him, a few with eyebrows raised. From the side of the room, Leia sat forward, her eyes on her son. “You just betrayed the First Order. Why would he trust you?”Kylo took a deep breath. So this was the tricky part. Of course he knew it would come out sooner or later but.... “Okay, so, Mom. Please don’t murder me. After all, we did just reconcile. Please remember that.” The look on Leia’s face was not promising. “Hux and I are....Well, we’re kind of...married.”The room froze. “What do you mean you’re married?” Leia asked.





	1. I’m Sorry, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I know I usually ask on my fics that we ignore that tlj ever happened and never speak of it but one of the main reasons is because after the throne room scene the kylux moves from them being at odds to straight up abuse. this fic takes place before that occurs and it never does here. 
> 
> Please note that this all starts right after the throne room scene in which kylo and rey kill snoke and then they run away but WAIT there’s a plot twist 
> 
> (and this is not the only plot twist there will be many many more to come)

Kylo sprinted behind Rey, his legs weak beneath him. What was he doing? Was this really happening? Was he really leaving behind everything he had built over the last decade?

She reached behind her and threw her arm out, Kylo stopping just before he ran into it. “Wha—“

“Shh,” she hissed, pulling them into a side corridor as a few stormtroopers passed.

Kylo gave her an even look. “Do you ever use the Force for anything useful? We didn’t have to stop. I can wipe their minds. I can show you how, too.”

She hit him lightly. “I think that’s wrong.”

“Yet, you mind manipulated my guards two days ago?”

“We can argue about this later,” she countered as she ran out of their hiding place and down the corridors.

She took a sharp right at a fork in the hallways and Kylo just stopped where he stood. “You’re going the wrong way,” he called. Stopping, Rey turned and trudged back.

“You could have said something sooner,” she muttered as they took off down the other direction.

“Well, you know, I just assumed you would follow my lead considering I know this ship and you don’t but whatever. Be like that.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “You are the worst.”

As they were running, alarms began to sound throughout the ship and there were announcements being made of a traitor on board. “Follow me,” Kylo said, tapping Rey on the arm as he began taking lesser used corridors and winding their way to the hangar.

The two skid into the room and paused, checking for any stormtroopers who would impede their escape. No one was present, which was strange considering they should have been putting the hangar on lockdown. Wary, Kylo began making his way towards one of the TIE fighters.

They got in without any problem and while Rey began flipping on switches, Kylo began shedding his belt and outer robes, throwing them out of the TIE fighter.

“What are you doing? Gross!” Rey yelled.

“Hux has a tracking device in my clothes. Do you want us to lead them to the entire resistance? Take us to a third party planet. We’ll exchange our ship there and I’ll get new clothes. Go. I’ll be your co-pilot.”

No sooner had Kylo said anything than Rey took off.

It was less than ten seconds after they were out of the hangar that the hologram of Hux appeared inside the TIE. “Ren, I know you’re in this fighter. I’m dispatching multiple squadrons to go after you and they have permission to fire at will.”

Kylo smirked. “Well, good thing your soldiers can’t aim, right?” Leaning forward, he began pushing buttons and flipping switches and was able to get the hologram to go away. Not even paying attention or trying to shoot back at the TIE fighters chasing them, Kylo began working on disabling their tracking system while Rey took them farther from Snoke’s ship.

With a roar of frustration, Kylo reached and grabbed the tracking device, giving up trying to disable it and just ripping it out. It sputtered, flashing for a moment befor shutting down. For extra measure, Kylo took out his lightsaber and pressed it against the device before turning it on and running it through.

“Can you please put the lightsaber away while we are in such a small environment?” Rey yelled at him. Damn, she was pushy. “Also, can you start shooting back, please?”

“Yeah, yeah, goddamn.” Kylo put his lightsaber away and began shooting back, hitting seven in his first dozen shots. At that rate, it didn’t take too long for Kylo to clear them of enough other TIE fighters to make way for Rey to land them nicely on a third party planet. “Okay,” Kylo said, undoing his buckles. “I’m gonna go find clothes. You find us a ship. Let’s be off this planet in fifteen.”

“Agreed,” Rey said and they split up.

__________

Kylo groaned. He honestly had not expected that the first thing they did with him once getting him on the Resistance base would be to start strategizing. They didn’t even feel the need to question him or anything. His mom just said that she ‘knew by the force’ that he really meant it and now here he was. In another damn meeting.

His least favorite thing in the universe.

“So, Ben,” Poe said. Kylo resisted rolling his eyes. Just because he was back with the Resistance didn’t mean he wanted to go by that name. He was Kylo. He had been Kylo for the last ten years. He had changed it legally. When he said Ben was dead, he meant it. He tuned back in to Poe’s rambling. “You were in the First Order. What are its greatest weaknesses? How do we take them down?”

A flashback hit Kylo like a wave and he tried not to chuckle at the memory. “Honestly,” he said, collapsing casually into a chair. “The First Order could not function without Hux.”

“General skinny-white-boy?” Poe asked.

“Oh, yeah. Once he was two minutes late to his bridge shift—which wasn’t even his fault. It was my fault. There were three _fires_ on the bridge. Seriously just because they didn’t know what to do without him. When I say the First Order can’t function without him, I mean it. They don’t know what to do.”

The room thought for a moment. “Okay,” Poe said. “So we have to remove him from the situation.” Panic momentarily flared in Kylo before Poe kept speaking. “How do we abduct him?”

“Well we can’t very well just walk into the _Finalizer_ and pick him up, can we?” Finn said.

Poe turned to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I hear what you’re saying, but do you have a better idea?”

“He may be willing to meet with me if I play this right,” Kylo said.

They all turned to him, a few with eyebrows raised. From the side of the room, Leia sat forward, her eyes on her son. “You just betrayed the First Order. Why would he trust you?”

Kylo took a deep breath. So this was the tricky part. Of course he knew it would come out sooner or later but.... “Okay, so, Mom. Please don’t murder me. After all, we did just reconcile. Please remember that.” The look on Leia’s face was not promising. “Hux and I are....Well, we’re kind of...married.”

The room froze. “What do you mean you’re married?” Leia asked.

“I mean exactly what I said. Hux and I are married. I was gone for ten years, Mom. Things happen.”

“Yeah, but,” She made a face. “Him? Ben, really?”

Okay, now he was beginning to get angry. “Yes. Him.”

“Why?”

Kylo stood, anger building. “Because I love him, Mom!”

“Wow,” Finn said from the other side of the room. “What’s that like?”

Poe nudged Finn on the arm. “Did you not know about this? You worked on their ship.”

Finn shrugged. “I mean, there were rumors they were together but most people didn’t believe them. You two are pretty good at keeping secrets.”

“Yes,” Kylo answered. “We are. We don’t want people using things against us.”

“How long?” Leia said, drawing Kylo’s attention back to her. “How long have to you two been married?”

“Five years. Well, not quite five years. Our anniversary is in about a month.” Kylo blinked, shocked. “Oh my god, he’s gonna kill me,” Kylo muttered. “I’m gonna miss our anniversary. He’s going to literally murder me.”

“That tends to happen when you marry a mass murderer,” Finn said.

Kylo’s eyes snapped to meet his and he opened his mouth to say something back, but he was cut off by Rey. “Yeah, Finn’s right. Hux is a mass murderer. He killed billions of innocent people two days ago! How can you defend him?”

As she spoke, Kylo’s eyebrows rose higher in disbelief. “What do you mean? First of all, yes that was tragic. But it’s not like I’m the most perfect person either. That’s one of the reasons why we work well together: we are _both_ mass murderers. You can’t condemn Hux for what he did while simultaneously assigning me innocence for the _children_ I slaughtered personally. Also, I am not defending Hux. All I am saying is that he is my husband. I am literally standing here giving you advice on how to take down the First Order, which is probably one of the only things he loves more than he loves me. I may ruin my marriage over this. All I am saying is that I will not stand idly by and let him be hurt. He is my husband, after all.”

“Okay,” Poe crossed his arms. “How do we know where your loyalties lie, then? This just suddenly got a lot more complicated. Are you loyal to the cause or to your husband?”

Kylo crossed the room to stand toe to toe with his childhood best friend. “I love my husband. That is exactly why I believe the First Order needs to be taken down. The best way to do that is by removing him. It’s better for the galaxy and, quite frankly, it’s better for my husband. That man works so hard that it’s going to kill him. It is one of my many reasons for switching sides. You can trust me when I say that I am intent on serving the Resistance.”

Poe’s eyes never left his. “I don’t believe you. But, I hope you prove me wrong.”

The interrogation didn’t end there. More people than Kylo could name questioned him about his relationship with Hux. His mother, however, remained mostly silent. It wasn’t until everyone was done and filing out of the room that she stood and spoke.

“So you really love him?” was all she asked.

“Yes, Mom. I know that’s impossible for you to understand because he is literally your worst enemy but I love him. I don’t want to see him hurt in all of this, but I have my reasons for doing what I did.”

“I know you must. We’ll try and get you a call with him tomorrow. See if you can try and get something set up so we can kidnap him. I promise that no matter what, if we win this war, he will not be harmed. As much as that pains me to say. But, if I am in power, you can count on that. However, Ben...you have to accept he might not do the same for you.”

Kylo met his mother’s eyes. “I know. I know who I married. He would save me if he could but at this point, I’m a traitor. When we first started dating, he told me that the First Order’s mission was the most important thing to him. I don’t think that’s changed. I know my husband.”

Leia nodded. Neither of them needed to say anything else. The weight of what Kylo was doing was fully felt. He had abandoned his husband all that they had built together. There’s no easy way to do that.

“Get some sleep,” Leia said.

__________

Kylo took a deep breath. He wasn’t ready to make the call yet.

His mother had set it all up: they had established a secure enough connection that the First Order wouldn’t be able to trace it back to them. All Kylo had to do was make the damn call and it would go straight to Hux. Hopefully he would answer.

Aaaaaand, hopefully he wouldn’t want to murder Kylo.

Rey was positioned on the other side of the room: out of sight from what Hux would be able to see of Kylo, but close enough to listen to their conversation. Kylo didn’t blame them, of course. He would listen in if things had been different. Well, actually, if someone had defected to the First Order, they would probably interrogate them for any information they had and then execute them for ever being willing to work with the rebels.

Another deep breath and Kylo pressed the button, squeezing his eyes shut and willing Hux to pick up.

After a minute, he peeked an eye open, assuming Hux had denied to take the call. He hadn’t: the connection was just slow. Damn stupid cheap shit. Kylo gave the side of it a hit and it finally connected, telling him it was now making the connection to Hux. He could bury his head in his hands. Had he really defected to _this_?

The screen flashed for a moment before the image of Hux appeared before him.

There was a pause in which Hux made him wait before saying, “Ren.”

“Baby, please just listen to—“

“You want me to listen? _Listen, Kylo?”_ Hux clearly stood up now. The walls of their quarters could be seen behind him. “Did you stop to think what the fuck I had to go through? I was on the bridge when suddenly I was being informed that the Supreme Leader was _dead_ , Kylo, and that you were escaping with the girl. So don’t give me that shit.” Hux was furious. Kylo didn’t blame him.

“Don’t you want to know why I did it?”

“Why you did—“ Hux glanced around the room, obviously upset. “Yes, fine. Enlighten me, Kylo, why you suddenly made the decision to run back to those who gave you a shitty childhood and to leave behind _me_! To leave behind me and everything we built— everything we swore we would do. What, do you think the Resistance is going to fix the galaxy? There are about four of you, Kylo. And the First Order is going to find you and I hope you know I won’t hesitate to pull the trigger and explode whatever your planet you’re hiding on.”

Kylo glanced down at his hands. “We’ve known each other for ten years, Hux. You can’t lie to me. You’re damn good liar, sure, but I sleep next to you every night. Not only would you hesitate, but you wouldn’t be able to kill me.”

Hux threw him a hateful glance. “You have no idea what I would do because you _don’t_  sleep next to me. Where were you last night? On a Resistance base.” His face was a mask of anger, but beneath it Kylo could see the hurt and the fear. “So are you suddenly going to tell me that the Resistance has been right all along? You going to arrest me, Kylo? Have me tried and executed for war crimes? Is that what you want?!”

Kylo began to raise his voice. “Of course not, Hux, I—“

“Well that’s what you’re doing, Kylo!” Hux yelled. “You always said you would never make me choose between the First Order and you. Remember? You said that when I wanted to take on Starkiller but I wasn’t sure because of our relationship. You said you would never come between my work and my relationship. You would never make me choose. Well, what the _fuck_ do you call this?”

“I just want you to listen to me, Hux.” Kylo tried to steady himself. He had to be the level-headed one here. After all, he had betrayed Hux. Everything he was feeling was valid.

“I have my reasons,” Kylo continued when Hux went quiet. “I would like to explain them to you. I think that would best be done face-to-face where—“

“I’m not stupid, Kylo. You should know that by now. You’ve seen me handle enough situations to know I can’t be outsmarted that easily. I’m not going to give myself up to the Resistance and you’re far greater of a fool than I ever considered if you thought for even a second that I would.”

“You’re not even going to give me a chance?”

Hux met Kylo’s eyes, his gaze even and detached. “You’re a traitor. You left me. I will give you full forgiveness if you come home within the standard week. A second past that and I will greet your arrival with Force cuffs and divorce papers. Don’t make me do that, Kylo.” His last sentence was barely audible.

“Baby, I love you. I love you so much.”

For a moment, Hux glanced to the side, his resolve breaking. “Then come back home,” he whispered, his eyes brimming with tears.

“I want to, baby. Really, I do. But I can’t.”

Hux squeezed his eyes shut in anger and a tear rolled down his cheek. “Why the _fuck_ not?”

They shared a look. Kylo didn’t have to say what he was thinking; they were married, after all. “Baby, you know I wouldn’t do this without reasons. I would like to share them with you. And I would like you to share them at some point, but I know that may never happen. All I can tell you is that this is something I have to do.”

A hand came up as Hux tried to wipe away his tears and remain dignified. “And what you have to do is be part of a war against your husband? Kylo....” He paused for a moment before sucking in a breath, clearly scared. “Kylo, you know how close the First Order is to winning this. When we find the Resistance—which we will—I cannot guarantee your safety. Kylo, please—“ Hux stopped, not wanting to choke on his words. “Please don’t make me watch them kill you,” he whispered.

Kylo pressed a hand against the screen, his heart aching in his chest. All he wanted right now was to be with his husband. How they would get through this, he had no idea. But that didn’t mean Kylo would run back to the First Order. Not after all that happened. He did have his reasons, after all.

“I love you, Hux,” he whispered. “I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening and to get us back together as soon as possible. I miss you so much, baby.”

“I love you, too,” Hux said. “Please come home.” He cut off the signal before Kylo could say anything else.


	2. Hear Me Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so excited for this chapter fidksjfjdnnd

When Kylo opened his eyes, he knew what he would see. Which was exactly why he kept them shut.

He was standing in a room full of the entire Resistance and they had multiple screens tuned in to the galaxy-wide broadcast. Kylo knew that if he opened his eyes they would all have hands pressed over their mouths, tears streaming down their faces. He couldn’t watch that.

But he had to.

Opening his eyes, Kylo focused on the screen and the speech being given. Kylo didn’t even know which official was giving the speech; Hux always chastised him that he should memorize the names of all senior officers in the First Order but Kylo always thought that was too much work. Now, there this woman was and she was giving a speech that was shaking the galaxy.

Kylo didn’t pay attention to the words. He didn’t need to, judging by the faces of fear and mourning around him. It was happening.

They all watched, fixated to the spot as Hux walked out onto the stage they had set up. All around Kylo, sobbing intensified and he heard a whisper of, “what are we going to do?”

Hux lowered himself into an ornate chair. No, a throne. And he was crowned Emperor. Emperor Hux.

Someone shut off the broadcast before they could see anymore and Kylo took a staggering step back. He didn’t even know what to do with that information. On one hand, he was part of the Resistance now and he knew what Hux being Emperor meant. But on the other....

He should be beside his husband right now. This was, after all, basically the biggest day of Hux’s life. And, oh, how they had talked about it.

Being Emperor was always Hux’s dream. Kylo would never forget the first time Hux told him that: they were lying in bed, back when they were still dating and Hux was pretty wasted when he had made that confession. The next morning, he had buried his head in his hands and begged Kylo to forget he had ever been told that. At that moment, Kylo had told him that if Hux were ever crowned Emperor, Kylo would be there. He would be his protector. Kylo would make sure nothing would happen to him.

Instead, he had watched from the other side of the galaxy.

The image of Hux sitting on the throne in the stark white would be forever burned into Kylo’s memory. His husband. Emperor.

What was he even supposed to think about that? As part of the resistance, he was conflicted. Overall, he knew that Hux had a tendency to overwork himself. This would likely be detrimental to his health and to their—

“Ben,” his mother approached him, the room mostly empty now. “Do you really think you’ll be able to get through to him? Because right now it seems fairly impossible.”

O, ye of little faith, Kylo thought. “Mom, I once got him to quit caffeine for an entire week. The impossible has been done before. I just need time.”

Leia crossed her arms. “I don’t see how that’s the same.”

“Well that’s because you don’t understand how caffeine addicted Hux is. He typically has three cups of caf before his shift starts and then who knows how many during. I mean really, who knows? He always refused to tell me because he knows his caffeine dependency concerns me. And then after his shift he has paperwork and it’s just constant that entire time and he keeps drinking it to make sure he doesn’t fall asleep doing paperwork but then it’s one am and he can’t sleep so he usually passes out at about four and then wakes up at five and needs caffeine to survive. I got him to give that up for an entire _week_ , Mom. I’ll get through to him eventually.”

“That sounds really unhealthy,” she remarked. “Does he do everything himself?”

“I told you, the First Order cannot function without him. Why do you think we didn’t ambush that little pod of what was left of the Resistance with another ship from our fleet? Because they are all _useless_. Hux is the only competent person in the entire First Order. Trust me when I say that without him on their side, we will win. Not to mention if he is actually supporting us because in _that_ case—“

“Hux will not be one of the Resistance’s leaders. Absolutely not.”

“Oh, no. That’s not what I’m saying. What I mean is that he’s a genius and firstly an architect and a strategist, not a General. He could sit through one of your meetings and pick out every single way all of your plans could possibly fail and then tell you how to fix them. Which is exactly why we should all be terrified that he’s now Emperor. Mom, you have to remember that I have a very long list of reasons why I married this man.”

“Yeah, I still don’t get that.” She rolled her eyes but there was also a hint of a smile. At least she had gotten over the initial shock and wasn’t upset about it.

“Well if we’re comparing, I still don’t get why you married Dad because you are out of his league. I mean, a _princess politician_ and a _smuggler_? How did that even happen?”

Leia smiled for a moment, remembering. As soon as the words left Kylo’s mouth he began to panic: they hadn’t discussed Dad yet. Kylo had been the one to murder him, so he just assumed it was a touchy subject. But her soft smile made him feel a little more comfortable.

“I’ve never told you that story?”

Kylo shook his head. “No. You always thought I was too young and then I went away with Uncle Luke. You never got the chance.”

Leia reached out and put her hand on his arm. Kylo blinked, realizing he hadn’t made physical contact with his mom since he was a child.

“How about sometime I tell you about me and Han and you tell me how Hux got you to fall for him?”

Kylo nodded, still focused on her hand on his arm. He hadn’t hugged his _mom_ since he was five. Blinking back tears, Kylo surged forward and wrapped his arms around her.

Obviously shocked, Leia hesitated before returning the hug. It was strange, what with Kylo not only reaching up past her legs, but also being taller than her now. But still, it was what Kylo needed right now. This was one of the biggest reasons he had switched sides. With all that was happening, Kylo couldn’t deny that he had missed his mom.

When he saw Han on the _Finalizer_ , something had changed in Kylo. He had taken a look at his life and the things he had: the things he was missing. And he missed his family. It was strange. Between his marriage with Hux and his blood in the Resistance, he felt like his family was being ripped into two parts and that he had to choose one. Standing there with Han, Kylo had thought he had made his choice. But now he saw how wrong he was.

Kylo pulled back and looked his mother in the eyes. “I’ve missed you, mom.”

She placed a hand on his cheek, pushing it back to smooth out his hair. “I’ve missed you too, Ben. I know this is all difficult right now, but we’ll figure it out.” Kylo nodded, trying to will himself to stop crying. “For now, I think you’ve got to call your husband.” And she left him alone in the room to gather himself for a moment.

Reaching up, Kylo wiped his face furiously. He would have to go from this to arguing with his husband? What an emotional ride this day was turning out to be already.

Again, Kylo sat in front of the screen and took a deep breath, Rey standing off to the side to listen in. He pressed the button and prayed Hux would pick up.

It didn’t take him too long this time Kylo was greeted with the sight of Hux in his new, white Emperor robes, gold encircling his head.

He greeted him the same as last time, making Kylo wait before saying, “Ren.”

“Hey, baby,” Kylo said, putting on a smile. Hux didn’t respond to that. “I saw the broadcast.” Hux raised an eyebrow. “I have to say...I’m feeling pretty conflicted.”

Now he at least had Hux’s attention. “Do go on.”

“Well,” Kylo took a breath and glanced at Rey for a moment, hoping she wouldn’t take this the wrong way. “I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I’m part of the Resistance now so watching you be crowned Emperor was...frightening to say the least.”

“Glad to know the Resistance is still rightfully afraid of me.” Kylo could tell Hux was barely hiding a smirk. He felt triumphant. Today was a good day for him.

“On the other hand, I wasn’t just watching a First Order General become Emperor, but also watching my husband actualize his dreams. It’s so weird....I always assumed I’d be by you when you did so. I’d be your protector.”

“Why not, Kylo? Why aren’t you here?” Hux’s voice was soft rather than accusatory, letting Kylo know just how much he was missing his husband.

They shared a look. “Hux, you know there are things we don’t discuss unless in person. That’s part of the reason why I want to meet with you face-to-face. I want to explain myself. Of course while the Resistance wouldn’t use that specific information against us, we can’t be sure that this won’t be hacked by someone who will.”

There was silence for a moment before Hux let out a shaky breath. “Fuck it, then. Because I need to talk about it. I can’t do this, Kylo. I can’t.”

“Hux, please, we can’t talk about this unless we’re in person.”

“You know.” Hux raised his voice. “I think you’re using that as an excuse. And so help me, I will not let you ever use Caemon as an excuse.”

“Hux!” Kylo jumped up so fast he knocked over the chair he was sitting in. “That’s not the point! The point is that we went through so much effort to make things the way they are and you could have just ruined it all!”

“Well then you may as well tell me why you’ve done all this. Because, Kylo, he keeps asking me where you are. He knows this is different than when you go on missions. Even if they’re spontaneous, he knows you always say goodbye to him. Kylo, I can’t tell you how many times in the past three days that he’s asked me where you are.” Hux paused to take a breath, choking on his sobs.

“He wants to know why you didn’t say goodbye to him. Kylo, he keeps asking me if you’re _dead_. He doesn’t understand and I don’t know how to explain it to him. How do you explain to a _three year old_ that his father is literally fighting a war against his other father? I can’t do that, Kylo! And you left us. You left your _family behind_. What am I supposed to tell our son?”

Kylo covered his face with his hand, tears wetting his fingers as he did so. He knew that this would be bad. He knew it. But he had to.

Bending over, Kylo picked up the chair and sat in it. He ran his hands through his hair and then faced his distraught husband. “I did this for him,” Kylo said.

“Don’t you give me that shit!” In his anger, Hux knocked something over offscreen. Kylo heard the shatter. “Your son doesn’t think you love him! You can’t say you’re doing this for him!”

“Listen to me, Hux.” Kylo could bear Hux’s gasps in the silence. “I did this for him. Look at our childhoods, Hux. I lived in a peaceful place when it wasn’t war. I had loving and attentive parents and a good childhood that was untouched by war. I was free. You had the exact opposite. We weren’t even at war and you were attending military school. You had a terrible childhood. I don’t want that for Caemon.”

Hux met Kylo’s eyes, his gaze murderous. “I had a terrible childhood because of Brendol and I swear I will never hit our child.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Hux. You never got the chance to be a kid. I want that for Caemon.”

“Oh, and tell me again about Jedi school?” Hux asked, anger renewed. “Your perfect little childhood in training as a seven year old?”

Kylo grit his teeth, trying not to let his own frustration show. “Other than that piece my childhood was ideal. That’s what the Resistance can give to Caemon. Freedom. The First Order will likely give our child the same path that you had. Do you want that for Caemon? To sleep three hours a week and work himself to death and have to hide every personal aspect of his life for fear that someone may blackmail him with it? That’s not what I want.”

“And what if he’s a Jedi, like you?” Hux crossed his arms.

Kylo made a face of confusion. “Hux, before we had this kid, we did all the science, all the math. The chances of Caemon being Force sensitive are slim to none. You redid the calculation yourself twice.”

The silence stretched between them and Hux glanced down, then to the side, then the other side, before looking back down again. Watching his body language, Kylo leaned forward.

“Hux, look at me.” A moment passed of Hux still avoiding Kylo’s eyes. “Hux,” he repeated. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” Hux said far too quickly.

“ _Hux_ ,” Kylo said again, his tone questioning.

“I said, ‘no reason.’” He uncrossed and recrossed his arms defensively.

“Do you have reason to believe that our child may be Force sensitive? Have there been indicators?”

Hux shrugged. “Depends on what you would consider an indicator.”

Kylo closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please just tell me what happened.”

“I can’t be sure,” Hux said quietly and Kylo opened his eyes to see something rare on his husband’s face: vulnerability.

“What do you mean you can’t be sure,” Kylo asked, softly.

“I thought I may have saw something fly across the room, but I can’t be sure. As you know, I’m incredibly sleep deprived always. Don’t take my word for it, but that’s what I at least think I saw.”

Oh no, Kylo thought, sitting back. Shit. “If he’s three and already showing signs of telekinetic Force abilities....Hux, I had hoped he would take after your side or that things would balance out but...that’s the Skywalker gene. He’s strong. He’s gonna need training.”

Hux slapped his hand down on something hard he must have been standing nearby and Kylo jerked out of his thoughts. “That is exactly what I mean!” Hux yelled. “You say your childhood was so damn perfect—except for the Jedi training you consistently referred to as torture for the last ten years—and suddenly that training is what’s best for our son?”

“Hux, I can do better than Luke did. I can—“

“Isn’t that what Luke said? Didn’t he say that his training was an improvement on what Anakin went through? That it was less strict? He was doing better? But guess what, Kylo? Sometimes better isn’t good enough, is it?”

“Look, Hux” Kylo began scrambling. This changed everything. “We knew this was a risk when had Caemon. We knew that he may be too strong for being on his own and that I may need to train him. This isn’t anything new and—“

“He’s still a child, Kylo.”

Kylo took a deep breath. He knew where Hux was coming from, really he did. But what he was saying was also true: they had always known this was a risk.

“Hux, do you remember the times when I would come back from training with Snoke? I could barely move. He would wreck me, physically and mentally and emotionally. You know: you saw it up close. Snoke broke me. Yes, what happened with Luke also traumatized me, but nowhere near as bad as what Snoke did. You know how toxic that relationship was.

“As I said, we always knew the risk—however small—of Caemon being Force sensitive. But, still. If he has to be trained I would much sooner emulate Luke than Snoke. Snoke’s tactics were manipulative and abusive. You know that.

“All I’m saying is that as he gets older he needs to learn to meditate. Just get himself in balance or he will feel way too many things happening at once and it will be overwhelming.”

Hux met his eyes again. “All I’m saying is that your opinions of your childhood seem to be changing quite fast.”

Kylo looked at his hands as he continued to speak. “I always wanted to emphasize the bad parts of my childhood to remind myself why I flipped sides. But, Hux, I never told you about when I _first_ started training with Luke. Only the end.”

When Hux didn’t immediately jump in, Kylo took that as a cue to keep going. “When Luke first taught me to meditate, I was relieved. I was so strong with the Force that I could feel it pounding in my brain as I grew older and it was causing me physical pain. For a while there, I was the most at peace I have ever been. That’s what I want to teach Caemon. Balance within himself. We don’t need to keep going into learning how to use a lightsaber or anything like that.

“Besides,” Kylo said, leaning forward. “That’s still all in the future. He’s only three. Right now I just want you to listen to me. Talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”

“Okay,” Hux whispered. “But this conversation isn’t over.”

“Of course not. But we have years to make a decision—which will be made as a unit.” Kylo paused. “Baby, before you go...could I see him?”

Hux’s jaw tightened. “You can see your son when you come home.” The screen snapped to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JAFKFINCISMCKSKCJIDDN   
> OH MY GOD 
> 
> THEY HAVE A KID   
> A CHILD   
> CAEMON  
> HE IS THREE   
> AAAAAAH
> 
> i am so hyped because this caemon is the fucking cutest and i’m so excited for you guys to meet him (whenever tf that may be who knows what chapter?? not me)


	3. Talk to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> —this chapter is from Leia’s POV bc i felt like it we’ll get back to the trash bois next chapter—

“What?” Leia tried to control the volume of her voice but with that sort of information just now being revealed to her.... “And he didn’t tell me?” She asked.

Rey shook her head. “I don’t know. I gave him a whole day to come clean about it you personally but then he didn’t and it was time for me to give my report to you on their conversations and I couldn’t exactly omit it. He’s going to be very upset.”

“ _I’m_ upset,” Leia said. “I mean, I suppose it’s one thing to not let me know that he married my worst enemy. And he did tell me that pretty soon after we reconciled and all. But then to just not tell me that I’m a _grandmother_? How could he?” Leia shook her head. She thought she had raised him better than this.

After a moment of silence, Rey spoke. “What are you going to do?”

What _was_ she going to do? She could go confront Ben right now about it, but that would likely only upset him. Leia straightened up, decided. “I’m going to wait until he decides to come and talk to me about it. It is his decision to make, after all.”

Rey gave her a flat look. “He shouldn’t be hiding something like that from you. And he must know by now that I’ve told you. What is he expecting to—“

Their conversation cut off when Ben walked into the room before collapsing on a chair beside them.

“What’s going on, Ben?” Leia asked.

He buried his head in his hands before taking a deep breath and lifting up to meet her eyes. “My husband is insufferable. He refuses to have an actual conversation about this. He knows I have my reasons but it’s like he doesn’t want to listen to any of them.” Ben threw his hands up. “Whatever. I’m gonna go sleep. I have to emotionally prepare for talking to him tomorrow.”

“Remember to eat something,” Leia called after her son as he left the room. He waved a hand over his shoulder, letting her know he would.

Rey crossed her arms and looked accusingly at Leia. “You should have said something. Doesn’t it upset you?”

“Of course I’m upset. But it’s not like there’s anything I can do. I know Ben. If I confront him about it, he’ll feel trapped and be less likely to tell me about things in the future. And I really want to know all about my grandchild.” Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. Without answering Rey’s follow-up questions, Leia left the room.

Down the hall was the communication setup they had made for Ben to talk to Hux. Leia marched in and walked right up to the screen before pressing the button.

Not a minute passed before the screen flashed to Hux’s face. “Kylo, I told you—“ He cut off when he saw Leia. “General,” he greeted, his face passive and unreadable.

“Hux,” Leia said in response, crossing her arms.

He gave a dramatic sigh. “Well, I see I have the basic human decency to address you by your title but you can’t do the same for me.”

“I will never call you Emperor.”

Hux leaned forward, smirking. “And I’ll never call you mother in-law. Keep in mind, General, familial ties won’t get you anywhere. I did kill my own father and step-mother. So unless you’re calling to surrender, I believe this conversation is over.”

Leia slammed her fist down next to the console, drawing Hux’s attention. “I’m a grandmother?” She asked.

Clearly interested now, Hux narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. “I figured you were listening to our talks. No doubt Kylo’s kept it nice and quiet. Does that hurt? Knowing you have a grandson and that your son doesn’t want you to even know he exists?”

“Tell me about him.”

Hux scoffed. “You’re in no position to make demands, General. And, you should know that I’m not even allowing Kylo to see his own son. Why should I let rebel scum like you pollute my child’s mind?”

“Because I was a good mother. I made mistakes, yes, but so do all parents. Mine was letting my child get away from me. But other than that—you can ask Ben—I was a good mother. Do you even know what you’re doing? Do you even know how to raise a child? Not to mention how difficult that must be. Being a single parent is hard enough but playing Emperor at the same time? I can’t imagine.”

He smiled. “Oh, I’m sure you can. Your husband was also never present if I recall. And you were a busy politician. I assure you I can handle it.”

Leia took a deep breath. She needed to remind herself what the purpose of this conversation was: to learn about her grandson.

“Look, Hux,” She sat down in the chair. “I just want to know about him. What he’s like. Political beliefs aside, I am his grandmother same as Ben is his dad. Just some general information like, when was he born? When did this even happen? _How_ did this happen?”

There was no such calm from Hux. “So I was right? Kylo isn’t telling you anything, is he? You know, that’s interesting. Does that change things, in your opinion? Because it seems like now his ties to the First Order are by far stronger than his ties to the Resistance.” He shrugged. “I mean, abandoning his husband and child? That’s fairly substantial. No amount of happy childhood memories from the age of five could cause a man to do that honestly.”

“That’s not the point of this, Hux. Can’t you put aside our differences in the interest of—“

“Nothing about you is in the interest of my child. I’ve entertained your theatrics for too long already. This line is for telling my husband to come home not—“

“He _is_ home,” Leia cut Hux off, her tone threatening.

Hux sat back and blinked for a moment, clearly shocked that someone would have the audacity to speak to him in such a manner. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Leia said. “He’s home. For the first time since he was a child, Ben is home. I hugged my son for the first time since he was kid the other day. He is home.”

“How dare you? As if his home isn’t by his husband’s side. As if his home is so far from his child.”

“Well then. You explain why he came back.”

Hux shook his head. “You have no idea what you’re saying. Your son is dead, Organa. He died years ago and Kylo took his place. You think you know so much about the situation? Ask him. I can already tell you what he’s thinking; I’ve been in his mind. You think he cares about and your precious Resistance? It won’t be long until he wakes up and realizes he left his family behind and comes running back to us with all your secrets. Fear that day, General, for it’s coming.” The screen went black.

Leia sat back in the chair, the tension evaporating from the room as she heaved out a sigh. Her son was right: Hux was insufferable. If she was being objective, she could see why he was so good at what he does. He just talks people in circles: knows just what to say to elicit the exact emotional response he’s aiming for so that he can turn it around on a person.

It was worrisome that her son was married to this man. She had been so caught up in his titles and reputation that she had never actually considered his personality and their relationship. He was so _manipulative_. Not only did it make her worry about all this time Ben was spending talking with him now, but it also made her fearful that Ben had fallen victim to Hux’s manipulation.

She decided to ask him about their relationship the next time she saw him.

That happened to be the next morning at breakfast when Ben crashed down next to her, looking like he hadn’t slept at all. She knew that if she were in his position, she would also be losing sleep thinking about her son.

Reaching out, Leia laid her hand on top of Ben’s. He startled at her touch. “Honey, I have to ask you something.”

“Okay,” Ben said, shrugging.

“Your husband, he...He’s very manipulative.”

To Leia’s surprise, a shadow of a sad smile crossed Ben’s face. “Yeah. He is. It’s kind of what makes him good at his job.”

“Ben, has he...Has Hux ever manipulated you into—“

“Whoa, Mom!” Ben yelled. “What the hell? No!” He shook his head, his hand jerking away from hers to rub over his face. “I get what you mean and I can see why you would be worried about that but just...no. You have no idea what he’s like as a...” He hesitated, searching for the right word. “What he’s like as a partner. A boyfriend. A lover. A husband. A fa—. Yes, he is manipulative. And I know for a fact that he could have manipulated me and used me to get what he wanted but he didn’t. Mom, he and I have a genuine emotional connection.”

Leia ignored the fact that Ben almost said ‘as a father’ but stopped himself because that wasn’t what she was focusing on right now. One step at a time. “Yes, honey, but you can never really know a person’s motives, can you?”

Ben met her eyes, all fire. “Yes. You can. I’ve been inside his mind, Mom, and I’ve let him inside mine. He loves me. And I love him. I know that has to be difficult for you to understand and process and accept, but that’s the way things are.”

There was a heavy pause before Ben sighed. “You still don’t believe me, do you?” he asked.

“Not particularly, no,” Leia admitted.

“Why not? Because of who you know him to be?”

Leia waited a moment before responding. “Yes.” She gave a half shrug. “He’s not a good person, Ben.”

“Neither am I, Mom.”

“Yes, but you’re here trying to make amends. He’s not. He hasn’t even realized that what he’s doing is wrong.”

Ben drew back from her, his eyes closed off. “Don’t talk about him like you know him.”

“Ben, I know these kind of men better than you think. You have no idea what—“

“You think he’s heartless, don’t you?” Ben started, his eyes boring into hers.

Leia shrugged. “I suppose you could say that. How else does a person bring themselves to murder that many innocent people?”

Ben broke their eye contact, shaking his head and worrying his hands. “I have seen that man at his worst. I have laid next to him in the middle of the night making stupid jokes that keep him laughing instead of sleeping. I watched him save an innocent child from a slave trade when he thought no one was looking. That was the man I fell in love with. You have no idea what he’s been through and what he has been forced to do. You only know the man it made him into.”

Leia sighed. “You know, Han always said you were like Vader.” She noticed how that caught his attention and his eyes slid to catch her in his peripherals. “But the more I talk to you, the more I see Padmé in you. She was also too blind to see who her husband was becoming. And a tragic backstory doesn’t make a person’s actions justifiable, just like it didn’t with Anakin. Wake up, Ben, and see him for who he is.”

Ben stood abruptly, pushing the chair back. He shook his head, glancing around him. “Mom, I really thought you were taking this better. I mean, I understand that you two are enemies and all, but you have to accept that I love him and that you don’t know him like I do.”

Leia opened her mouth to say something else, but Ben walked out the door without looking back and she stopped. What was she even supposed to say to him about that? She supposed he was right. She didn’t know Hux.

But that didn’t make this right.

She was so torn between loving her son—especially during this fragile time for their relationship—and trying to convince him to do what’s best for him. Because Hux isn’t what’s best for him. He’s manipulative and evil.

But he was also he father of Ben’s son.

Leia groaned, burying her head in her hands just as Rey walked into the room. She flopped into the chair next to Leia, biting into an apple and throwing her feet up on the table. Leia gave them a pointed look and Rey huffed, placing them back on the floor.

A beat passed before Rey said, “So, did you two talk about Caemon?”

Leia’s eyebrows knit together. “Caemon?” She asked.

Rey nodded. “Yeah. You know, as soon as I mentioned that Hux and Ben have a child, you didn’t even let me say anything else before your mind starting racing. His name is Caemon. He’s three years old. From what I gathered, they did some interesting science with lots of intricate calculations and they had a kid.”

Desperation flared in Leia’s chest. Caemon. She whispered the name under her breath like a prayer. Her grandson was named Caemon. Leaning forward, Leia put a hand on Rey’s arm. “Do you know anything else about him?”

Rey shrugged. “The only other thing I heard about him is that when they had him they did a bunch of math and basically the chances of him being Force sensitive were so incredibly low that they didn’t even consider it a possibility.”

Leia placed a hand on her chest and heavens a sigh. “Oh, thank the stars.”

Rey paused in the chewing of her apple, her face freezing. “What?” Leia asked.

“Well, it’s just....There may be a small chance that Caemon turned out to be Force sensitive anyway....Hux can’t be sure but he could have sworn something went flying across the room apparently. Now Ben says that Caemon’s going to need training and...” Rey kept talking and Leia tuned her out.

The news shocked her. It was like Leia could see everything that happened with Ben repeating itself. She and Han didn’t think Ben would be Force sensitive. And that even if he was, that he wouldn’t be strong enough to need training. That must have been exactly what Ben was thinking when he and Hux had Caemon.

And now Ben was talking about training? Of course he hadn’t wanted that for his child—Leia hadn’t wanted it for hers and look where it got them. She ended up estranged from her son for ten years.

“I have to put a stop to this,” Leia said suddenly, not even realizing she was cutting Rey off.

“General,” Rey began. “I know he’s your son and all, but are you sure it’s your place? I don’t know....I just feel like it’s kind of between him and his husband. Which, might I add, is truly the most awkward thing right now like the galaxy is having a war? And our leaders keep stopping to have family—This is all really confusing.” She took another bite of her apple, shrugging. “All I’m saying.”

Maybe Rey was right. It wasn’t her place. She paused for a moment, considering. “I just want to stop him from making the same mistakes that I did.”

“Like what?” Came a deep voice. Leia and Rey both turned in surprise to find Ben leaning in the doorway. He raised his eyebrows. “What mistakes, Mom?”

Rey paused in her chewing and glanced back and forth between the two of them. “This seems like a family issue so I’m gonna go,” she said, standing and moving towards the door, passing by Ben as he took a step into the room.

He sat down at the table, across from her this time, and folded his hands in front of him.

“How much of that did you hear?” Leia asked.

Ben shrugged. “I tuned in when Rey was asking if it was really your place. Something you want to talk to me about, Mom?”

Anger flared up in Leia. How dare he?

She leaned forward. “Anything you want to talk to me about? It’s like you said: you were gone for ten years. A lot can happen in that amount of time. So you come back and suddenly you’re married? Any other major life events that you want to inform me of?”

Leaning back in his chair, Ben sighed. “I kind of get the feeling you’re referring to something specific?”

Leia shrugged, playing it nonchalant. “I’m just asking if there’s anything you feel like I should know. As your mother.”

“And if there’s not? If there isn’t anything I particularly feel like telling you?”

Again, Leia shrugged. “Well, then.” She spread her hands out. “That’s your choice. Right?”

Ben nodded. “Right.”

They held eye contact, both challenging the other to break the silence, to break their resolve. Ben opened his mouth and took a breath, unfolding his arms from in front of him. Then, he smiled. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

“Are we?” Leia challenged.

“Yeah. That page is titled ‘Leia Hates Her Son-in-Law and Her Son Gets It.’ I don’t blame you. Really, I don’t. But just know that I will not give you information that incriminates him because I don’t trust that you’ll keep your promise because I know how you feel about him.”

Another small paused stretched in the space between them. “So there isn’t anything that you feel like you want to tell me?”

“Nope,” Ben said, popping his ‘p.’

Leia nodded. “Okay.”

“Good,” Ben said.

“Good,” Leia returned.

Ben stood up and left and Leia crashed her head into her hands. Why was this family so complicated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the entire skywalker family is THE WORST hopeless fucking TRASH like that last conversation??? ugh 
> 
> also leia didn’t even let rey get a damn word out about caemon 
> 
> (that conversation between leia and hux i just wanted to happen real bad hux is sassy as all fucking HELL)


	4. Explain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylo spills some TEA

Kylo burst into the room, anger rising to the surface just beneath his skin. When he found out he had tried to keep himself calm, but there was no way he would be able to.

Leia jolted at the sound of the door slapping the wall. She looked up to see her son standing in the doorway. “Ben, what is it?” She asked, looking obviously concerned.

“Oh, don’t give me that shit!” Kylo yelled. “You aren’t allowed to—“ He cut himself off, resetting on what he was trying to do here. “Mom, did you fucking call Hux? What were you _thinking_?!”

“I don’t know wha—“

He took another step forward, looming over his mother. “Don’t try that with me. If you really wanted to talk to me about Caemon, you could have just come and talked to me instead of dancing around the subject. I thought that was all we were talking about last night. That you were upset. I would have told you whatever you had wanted to know if you had been upfront about it but you went to my _husband? Behind my back?”_

Leia stood up now, anger to match her son’s. “You aren’t allowed to be so upset with me when you didn’t even tell me that I—“ She paused, tears welling up in her eyes and a lump forming in her throat. “I am a grandmother.” Her voice broke, barely coming out in a whisper. “And my own _son_ decided to not tell me that he has a child. You didn’t think that would be something that you should mention?”

“I knew that you would freak out and—“

“I deserve to know!” Leia yelled. “He is my grandson and I deserve to know! Do you not trust me? I get that Hux doesn’t, but do you? You decided to join this side, Ben. You have to trust me and you won’t even tell me that I am a _grandmother_?!”

“It was a decision my husband and I made as a couple!” Kylo threw his hands up, running them through his hair. “I’m sorry, Mom, but we had to keep our family a secret so that no one would use it against us!”

“I’m not going to use it against you!” Leia pointed at her son. “This isn’t about that and you know it. You just can’t accept that I’m back in your life.”

Kylo threw his arms out, exasperated. How could she not see that she was being a hypocrite? “You can’t accept that I’m married to Hux!”

“I just want to see my grandson!”

Kylo slammed his fist down onto the table in front of him, effectively silencing the room. “And I just want to see my son!” He yelled.

A harsh moment of silence followed in which Kylo could hear his own breaths coming in short gasps. He closed his eyes, focusing and trying to steady them before he lifted his head up and met his mother’s eyes. “You don’t understand. He’s not letting me see him,” Kylo said.

All of Leia’s anger evaporated at that moment. She knew so much of what he was going through. When Ben had left for training with Luke, she had always missed him even though she knew that what she was doing was for his own good. And, in the end, she had lost her son.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she clasped her hands together in front of her. “Ben,” she whispered. “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I did.”

When her son didn’t respond, she continued talking. “I thought sending you away with Luke was what was best for you, but I lost you. I don’t want that to happen to you and your son.”

Kylo straightened up, unsure if he had heard his mother correctly. “Mom, are you saying that you want me to return to the First Order?”

“Of course not,” Leia rushed out. “I just want you to think about what decisions you’re—“

“You think I haven’t thought about it?” Kylo huffed out a breath before giving up and sinking into a chair. “I haven’t stopped questioning my decision since the moment I left with Rey. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you questioning my loyalty.”

Leia pulled out a chair across from her son, reaching a hand out to lay atop his. “Honey, I would be worried if you weren’t questioning your decisions. That’s what—“ She stopped herself but Kylo already knew what she was going to say.

He drew his hand back from hers. “That’s what people like Hux do?” Leia remained silent, casting her gaze down to her hands. Kylo shook his head, a disbelieving laugh escaping him. “You think he doesn’t question his decisions? Mom, he looks over every single aspect of them and every possible outcome. He questions himself more than anyone on this base. I just....Stop taking like you know him.”

Now, Leia met his gaze, but she kept the anger out of her voice. “I do know him, Ben. He is the man that murdered billions with a single blow. I don’t see what else I need to know to judge his character.”

Again, Kylo shook his head. “Knowing what someone does in war does not mean that you know them as a person. You think he harbors all of this hate for the Resistance—that he wants to kill you all—but it’s only a means to an end. He’s not targeting you because of some bigotry or something—which is what the Resistance is always trying to say is happening. They make themselves out to be the victims. It’s a _war_ , Mom. People commit atrocities. You act like you’re all so perfect as if you haven’t killed.”

“We have not killed _innocents_ , Ben,” Leia slapped the table, emphasizing her point before drawing it back under the table after realizing what she had done. She didn’t want to escalate the situation.

Kylo shrugged, leaning back in his chair. If this was how she wanted to play it, then so be it. “You’ve never killed innocents? What do you call what happened on Zhar’s moon, Gall? Two years ago?”

Leia blinked, trying to remember. “We exploded a First Order base. No innocents were killed in the blast.”

Kylo smirked. He knew she would say something like that. “You know why people support the First Order? Because they provide help and assistance to the Outer Rim planets that the precious Republic never cared about. The base you destroyed on Gall was a non combat base. There weren’t even any weapons there. It was providing food, water, and medicine to the locals. Without that base, a famine ensued and First Order troops weren’t close enough to help fast enough. Ten thousand people died in the span of a day. Painful deaths, too without medicines. Same thing happened on Rutan and Reon. I could list others. Similar situations.

“No one is perfect, Mom. And this is war. Your actions have killed innocents, too.” Kylo let that all process for his mother, hoping she wouldn’t try and defend those actions. People died. Couldn’t she see what a hypocrite she was being?

“Yes, but, Ben—“

“No,” he said. “Don’t try. You can’t be innocent when he is guilty for the same crime.” Kylo stood, shaking his head. He paused, giving his mother one more chance to say something else before giving up and leaving the room.

__________

Kylo sat on his bed, his head in his hands. He didn’t want to go out and face the rest of the base.

His life was really a clusterfuck, wasn’t it?

It was times like this that he really wondered why he left. No one in his life seemed supportive of his decision. Even his mother was wondering if he had done the right thing.

But he knew inside that he had. All of his wrongs were catching up to him and it was time to atone for them. He had to do this. And he knew Hux didn’t understand, but that was just the way things were right now.

But damn if Hux wasn’t making it so difficult. He wasn’t even letting him see Caemon?

Folding himself into his meditation position, Kylo closed his eyes and tried to focus. It took him a while to clear his mind, but when he did he found a peace flooding through him that he desperately needed right now.

He willed to the front of his mind a memory of his son.

_Caemon was taking his first steps. Hux was on the bridge and Kylo could see that it was happening—this was the moment._

_The little child had stood up on chubby, shaky legs and wobbled for a moment, all entirely unassisted. Kylo had just known and he had ran to comm Hux, not caring if he had to sprint down here._

_And sprint Hux did._

_Hux burst through the door just as Caemon lifted his foot and placed it in front of him. Both parents exclaimed and Hux rushed to Kylo’s side, both of them crouching down and stretching their arms out to their son, calling to him._

_Caemon’s face had split into a smile at seeing his dads and he giggled: that beautiful, infectious giggle of a child and he had taken another step, quickly followed by a third to stabilize himself. On the fourth, he fell, landing back on his hands and Hux had rushed forward and swooped him up into his arms, kissing Caemon on the cheeks and head._

It was one Kylo’s favorite memories of his family.

When he opened his eyes, he realized there were tears streaming down his face. Just thinking about his son and his family—Kylo couldn’t handle the emotions it brought up in him.

He wanted nothing more than to see Caemon’s smiling face, the way he would scream “Daddy!” and run at Kylo whenever he got back from a mission. His little red curls would bounce up and down on his head as he ran directly into Kylo’s legs and wrapped his arms around them.

Kylo felt like he was going to collapse thinking about his son. His son, his precious son. His baby.

Hux was killing him, didn’t he know that? He was killing his husband, depriving him of seeing Caemon like this.

Wiping a harsh hand across his face, Kylo stood and walked through the halls to the communication room, not caring that Rey wasn’t there to monitor him as he walked right up and pressed the button.

His call was denied.

Kylo felt like he could punch something, but instead he simply pressed the button again. This time, he waited for what seemed like an eternity before the screen flashed and he saw the image of his husband on the other side.

“Are you ready to come home?” His husband asked.

“I want to see my son,” Kylo pleaded.

“You’re tearing our family apart. I won’t let that happen—“

“ _You_ are! I just want to see him! He is my son, Hux. I deserve to see him. I deserve to at least explain to him myself what’s happening.”

Hux leaned forward, clearly upset with Kylo. “You can’t even explain it to me, Kylo. So, no. You aren’t entitled to talk to Caemon. He is three years old. He doesn’t deserve to be put through this.”

Kylo sighed, his hands coming up to run through his hair. “Then let me explain to you. You can tell him. Please, I just don’t want him to be confused about all of this.”

Sitting back in his chair, Hux crossed his arms. It was only then that Kylo took note of the fact that Hux was in the throne room, not their quarters. He was in all of his Emperor regalia and everything. Kylo shoved the thought from his mind. That is not what’s important right now.

“Hux, I know the First Order does good things. I’ve been thinking about that a lot, in fact. Trying to find a balance here. And, honestly, I’m not sure why the two sides are even fighting.”

His husband raised his eyebrows, clearly incredulous. “You don’t understand why we’re fighting?”

Kylo shrugged. “Not anymore. Not really.”

“We’re fighting because the Republic doesn’t care enough to help the Outer Rim territories. There’s still slavery going on out here and Coruscant is full of bourgeoisie who don’t care. People are starving, no one has water, no one has medicine. We’re providing that, Kylo. We’re providing stability. And you want to support this capitalistic Republic that is based off of an economy that requires for some to be less fortunate to function? We’re fighting because the Republic wants the rich to stay rich. They don’t care how many bones have to be buried for it, either. That’s why we’re fighting.”

While Kylo knew this rhetoric like it was inscribed in his skin, he tried to bite back a retort of ‘you have a gold crown on your head.’ He didn’t think it would go over well.

Back to the issue. “Babe, I get that. And you’re right. The Republic doesn’t care about the Outer Rim. But the First Order does.”

Hux nodded. “Exactly. So come home.”

“I’m not done, baby.” When Hux said nothing, Kylo continued. “Why can’t the First Order run the Outer Rim and the Republic the Core? Why can’t the two exist in the same galaxy?”

Hux narrowed his eyes. “We think they’re evil and they think we’re evil. It’s a moral standoff.” He paused. “What you trying to do? Are you trying to convince me to give up on everything? Is that really what you’re asking me to do?”

“Of course not,” Kylo said.

“You are tearing our family apart because some girl came in and said ‘your mom misses you, Ben’ and you fucked off across the galaxy and you left—“

“You know it’s more complicated than that!” Kylo groaned, running his hands through his hair again. “And stop trying to bring it back to that! That’s not what we’re talking about! This isn’t a personal attack on you or—“

“Oh, but it is,” Hux said. “I am the Emperor of the First Order. You are part of a war effort against me.” Kylo rubbed his eyes while Hux talked, unsure he could listen to this twisted logic. Didn’t he see that this was different?

“I just don’t see why the two can’t exist in harmony.”

“I just don’t see why you had to leave!”

“I have to stand up for what I believe in, Hux.”

“I thought you believed in me.” That made Kylo stop for a second, guilt rising in him. “I thought you believed in our mission together. To bring the galaxy order. Provide aid. Help people. I thought you believed in _us_.”

“Hux, I—“

“I don’t know what you believe anymore.” Kylo chose to remain silent. If he was telling the truth, he didn’t either.

But he did know this. “I love you. That’s what I know.”

“Then why are you doing this?” Hux asked, his voice desperate. “You’re tearing our family apart.”

“Because this is what is going to lead for a better future for our child!”

“And what if one of us has to die? What if Caemon has to grow up with only one parent because they fought a war against each other and things didn’t work out? Kylo, I already told you that I’m not sure I could save you when this is all over. Is that really what you want for Caemon?” Hux asked.

“It’s what’s best for us!” Kylo argued.

“How?” He paused. “Kylo, I am the _Emperor of the First Order._ You are part of the Resistance. If it were you and I and a blaster in a room and killing me would save billions of lives by _your_ standards then—“

Kylo cut him off. “I would never hurt you. I can’t believe you would even consider that.”

A pause hung heavy in the air and when Hux met Kylo’s eyes again, there were tears streaming down his face. “I want a divorce,” he said quietly.

Panic rose in Kylo’s chest. He spoke softly. “Don’t say that. You don’t want that.”

“Of course I fucking don’t!” Hux screamed. “What I want is my husband by my side! For our family to be together. What I want is for the three of us to be—“

Hux was interrupted by a small sound offscreen that made Kylo’s heart stutter. A small, “Daddy?”

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion to Kylo. In an instant, he was standing up so fast that the chair was knocked out from under him, behind him, clattering to the floor and he was reaching out to the screen, desperate as if he could hold his son, a scream ripping from him of, “Caemon!”

At the same time, Hux’s head snapped to the side, his eyes wide with shock. Kylo hadn’t even gotten his son’s name halfway out before he watched his husband reach forward and in a flash, the screen was black.

Kylo gripped the sides of the communication stand as the echos of his yell reverberated throughout the room and he stared into the black screen, knowing he should be seeing his son right now.

In a fit of rage, Kylo held his hand out, the Force quaking around him. It didn’t take but a moment before his confiscated lightsaber was flying into his hands.

He screamed in a way that only a man who was losing his family could, activating his lightsaber and cutting the entire room to pieces in his rage. When he finally stopped, panting, all around the screen was smoking, destroyed. The only thing in the room Kylo hasn’t destroyed was the screen itself and he collapsed to his knees in front of it, trying to will it to turn on and show him his son.

But all he saw was blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skywalkers?? actually? talking?? wild
> 
> anyone else notice that kylo still talks about the resistance as ‘they’ sometimes instead of ‘us’
> 
> also kylo isn’t perfect but honestly he’s kind of the most level-headed and least bias person rn


	5. Bun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyooooo i hope you’re ready to cry
> 
> (i’m on spring break so woohoo updates)

“Daddy!”

Hux’s heart stopped in his chest as he glanced to the side and saw his son just as he began walking into the throne room. Without even thinking, he acted instinctually, reaching forward and pressing the button to disconnect the call just as he began to hear his husband shout out their child’s name.

Everything was moving in slow motion and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Why was his family being torn apart like this?

“Was that Daddy?” Hux’s attention was drawn back to the three year old who was just now reaching him. Before Hux could think of what to say, Caemon reached up and pat Hux’s legs. “Was that Daddy?” He asked again.

Moving so that he was more in front of Hux, Caemon reached his hands up and began trying to climb onto Hux’s lap. “Daddy, why are you crying?” Hux blinked, not having realized that he was. “Are you and Daddy fighting?” Caemon asked.

Hux reached up a shaky hand and wiped his face, smearing his tear tracks before reaching down and picking Caemon up underneath his arms. He swung his child up and placed him standing, his little feet atop Hux’s thighs, and Hux held his hands for balance, all five of Caemon’s fingers wrapped around Hux’s index fingers.

“Yes, Daddy and I are fighting,” Hux said.

“Why?” Came the child’s immediate response. He blinked up at his dad with eyes so deep and brown beneath his curly red hair. Wavy just like Kylo’s except shorter, curling around his small ears.

Hux looked into those eyes and he didn’t know what to tell him. How was he supposed to tell him?

“Daddy and I are fighting because he didn’t say goodbye to you.” It wasn’t a lie. The rest was just too complicated for a three year old to understand. At least that portion Caemon could grasp.

“Why didn’t he?” Hux should have seen that coming. Three year olds and their endless, incessant whys.

“I love you, bun,” was what he said instead. It was much more important that Caemon knew that, anyways. “You know that?” Hux leaned forward and bumped his child’s cheek with his nose, eliciting the perfect little laugh that can only come from a child.

“Yes,” Caemon answered.

“He loves you too,” Hux said. Despite everything that was happening, he would never stop believing that. Even if right now Hux wasn’t sure where he and his husband stood, he knew Kylo would forever love Caemon. Because that’s how it is when you’re a parent; you will always love your children. No matter what happens. If you have good parents who want you, that is.

Trying not to think about that, Hux drew himself back into the present, releasing one of his hands from his child’s grip to run it through Caemon’s hair. “I promise that Daddy loves you too, okay?”

Caemon twisted around, looking over his shoulder to the screen. Then, he turned back to Hux. “Did Daddy have to go?” He asked.

And, oh, the guilt that came rushing in was indescribable. But he knew when he became a father that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your children because it’s what’s best for them. His eyes fixated on one small curl of Caemon’s and he twisted it around his finger, avoiding meeting his son’s eyes as he spoke.

“Yes.”

“Can I see him?” Caemon asked, his free hand coming to Hux’s cheek. “Next time?”

Hux swallowed around the lump in his throat. “We’ll see, bun. We’ll see.” Leaning forward, Hux kissed Caemon on the forehead before picking him up once more and placing him on the floor. “Why don’t you go play, bun?”

Caemon looked down, shuffling his feet. “I lost it again.” By ‘it’ Caemon meant his model TIE fighter. The child would lose it so consistently—it was such a headache. Sorrow gripped Hux’s heart at the thought: Kylo was always so good at dealing with this. He would always help Caemon find his toy. Hux could never do that sort of thing.

He sucked in breath, building up his resolve. It didn’t matter; he was essentially a single parent now. He had to do it.

Moving to kneel on the ground in front of Caemon, Hux reached out and lifted the child’s chin up. “Well then, we’ll have to find it, won’t we?”

Caemon’s eyes lit up. “You’ll help?!”

“Of course. Why, it’s probably lost somewhere on the ship. We have to stage a rescue mission.”

The child was practically vibrating with excitement, getting entirely into the game they were playing. “Yes, yes, Daddy! You’re right! You’re right. We have to save them.”

“Glad you’re on board,” Hux smiled. Reaching up, he removed the golden wreath from his head and placed it on Caemon’s. “Well, Caemon. Where—“

“Ensign!” Caemon said, excitedly.

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Pardon?”

“Ensign Caemon Hux.” He jumped up and down. “Ready for the rescue mission!”

Blinking, Hux willed his heart to keep beating. Flashes of his conversation with Kylo about their childhoods came crashing to the forefront of his mind. He shook his head, clearing it of those. This was just a game. He was just playing. He was just a child.

“Of course,” Hux said. “My apologies, Ensign. Now, what was the fighter’s last known location?”

Caemon’s face scrunched up as he thought about it, making a small humming sound. “I think I had it this morning. Didn’t I, Daddy? At breakfast?”

Thinking back, Hux only remembered breakfast this morning as the two of them sitting on the floor watching a cartoon on the holotube before Hux’s shift started. “I don’t think so, bun. I think that was yesterday.”

This time, Caemon bit his lip as he thought, a mannerism he had picked up from Kylo. Hux always used to tease Kylo about it when he saw it—the man had the oddest facial expressions because he was so used to wearing a mask. But then they had Caemon and the little child began copying all of them and now Hux’s heart was aching. Oh, he looked so much like Kylo.

Caemon’s eyes met Hux’s and he looked fully decided this time. “Then I think I had it when I was playing with Ms. Phasma.”

“Are you sure you checked in your room?”

“Yes,” Caemon said.

“Okay. Where were you and Ms. Phasma playing?”

“Well,” Caemon said, beginning to walk away. Hux straightened up, following. “She was working. So we went lots of places.”

Internally, Hux groaned. This could take him all day. Oh, how he wished for Kylo. Constantly. All the time. He wished he was right there beside him now.

“What did you do with Ms. Phasma?” Hux asked, reaching a hand down to grab onto Caemon’s, the small child now walking in front of Hux, sucking on his bottom lip absentmindedly.

“We played hide and seek.”

“Maybe you left the fighter hiding when you got found.” Caemon stopped short, turning back to Hux and gasping.

“Daddy, that’s it!” Caemon cried. “Come on!” Next thing Hux knew, Caemon began racing down the hallways, still holding onto his dad’s hand. Hux was forced to do a sort of undignified run behind the three year old, so glad that all of the protections Kylo had put on Caemon would extend to him as well.

It wasn’t long before Caemon stopped and let go of Hux’s hand to crawl into a small alcove. Hux crouched down to be level with the child as he reached further in, groping about to find the toy.

“I got it, Daddy!” He cried before wriggling out of the practical hole that no human should be able to fit in. Then again, there weren’t supposed to be children on this ship.

Caemon held up the toy TIE fighter proudly in front of his dad. “See, Daddy? We did it!”

“Yes, we did. Ensign and Emperor Hux together.”

The little child jumped up and down. “We solved the case! We saved the fighter!”

Hux smiled and pulled Caemon close, standing up with him and balancing the child on his hip. “That’s right. You and me.”

Caemon smiled, once more going back to sucking on his lip. “I like playing with you, Daddy.”

“I like it too. But, I have to get back to work now, bun. Okay? Can you put that back on my head?” He indicated the crown that was almost slipping down over Caemon’s eyes.

After a moment of Caemon attempting to balance the toy to reach the crown, Hux took the model TIE and held it, dropping his head down so Caemon could drop the crown on his head. Hux straightened up then, but Caemon kept his hands on his dad’s face.

“It’s so shiny,” he said.

Hux gave a small laugh. “Yes, bun. It is shiny.”

“I still think I like Daddy’s cool stick better.”

Raising an eyebrow, Hux questioned his child, trying not to laugh. “Do you mean his lightsaber?”

Caemon clapped his hands once. “Yes! Daddy’s cool, red light stick.”

“You know that’s very dangerous, right, Caemon?”

“Yes,” the child said, almost sounding guilty for finding the lightsaber cool. “But it is the only one.”

“You are right about that. It is one of a kind. But, there are other lightsabers. They just look different. Some are green, some are blue, some are lots of different colors. They—“ Hux paused, feeling something strange happening.

It was then that he noticed that Caemon wasn’t entirely paying attention to what Hux was saying, but rather looking up at a point just above Hux’s head and giggling.

Hux raised a hand above his head to feel around and find out what was making the child laugh and he felt his hair. Judging by what his senses were telling him, it was floating. It was sticking out in all directions and floating.

At the confused look on Hux’s face, Caemon dissolved into a fit of laughter, burying his face atop Hux’s chest and shaking. At once, Hux felt his hair fall back onto his head, flat again.

Despite the pure joy coming from the child in his arms, Hux stared off into the distance, fear settling into his chest. So that was it, then. It was confirmed. He wasn’t sleep deprived and he had felt it this time. For real. Caemon is Force sensitive.

Entirely unsure of what to do or how to process, Hux lowered Caemon to the ground and set him upright. “Go play,” he told the child and, obediently, Caemon ran off, moving his TIE fighter up and down like it were flying.

In a daze, Hux walked back to the throne room. It was empty, thank the Stars that no one was waiting to ask him a question. On barely steady feet, he lowered himself onto the throne, trying to make sure he didn’t just collapse.

And he lost all of his composure.

With the flick of a switch nearby, he ensured no one would disturb him in the throne room before letting his head fall into his hands and his shoulders shake with a cry.

He had no idea what he was doing.

What kind of father would he be on his own? With all that he was doing with the First Order, he felt like he didn’t have time for Caemon. And it was all Kylo’s fault.

They were supposed to do this as a team, dammit.

And he wasn’t sleeping. Their bed was just empty and cold and far too big and it made him remember how little he’s slept alone in the last seven years. Sure, there were the times when Kylo was on mission, but Hux would never sleep when he was gone. It didn’t matter how long—he would stay awake as long as he physically could before passing out at his desk or on the sofa. Even that would be restless and fitful and he wouldn’t be able to rest until Kylo was back and holding Hux in his warm, muscular arms.

Fuck, he couldn’t do this alone.

Caemon was so full of energy and Hux just...wasn’t. He was the dad that came home to kiss his husband and child after a long day at work. Kylo was the husband who ran around the ship playing hide and seek and who was actually able to entertain Caemon. Hux was not the ‘cool’ parent. And he knew that if things were the other way around, Caemon wouldn’t be asking Kylo where Hux was nearly as often. He would probably be having too much fun to notice that he was gone.

And it only makes sense, doesn’t it? Hux is always the absent parent: Kylo called him back from the bridge so he didn’t miss Caemon’s first steps but that didn’t make up for all the other milestones Hux had missed. Caemon stood up one day and Hux was talking to some diplomats. During a particularly difficult period in Starkiller’s destruction, Hux had come home one day and it was like Caemon had gotten his first tooth overnight. He hadn’t even noticed his child was teething. Not to mention the fact that one day Hux walked in to find Caemon sitting in front of the holonet, watching cartoons and feeding himself a banana on his own. Hux hadn’t even noticed him eating solid foods.

It was like he had missed everything.

Now, with Kylo gone, no one would be there for those milestones. Hux would be in the throne room and their child would grow up and neither of them would even notice.

Ugh, he needed Kylo.

It was like everyone always said about him: he was a workaholic. And that had never bothered Hux—in fact, it was something he was proud of—until he had a family. Because then he just felt like he was missing out all the time.

Kylo was right. He’s always right and one of his fake prophecies was going to come true: Hux was going to work himself to death.

He blinked and suddenly realized that none of it mattered: the First Order, the war. Yes, it was his entire life but did it really matter more than Caemon? More than Caemon’s right and need to have two loving parents if he can?

Hux shook his head violently, throwing away the thought. No. Kylo was just getting under his skin, is all. But Hux would reunite their family somehow, someway. Because that was the most important thing to him.

He just knew he couldn’t do this alone.

Hux sat up, taking a few moments to will himself to stop crying. He had, after all, just taken on the job of a second parent as well as the first, as well as being Emperor of the fucking galaxy. He didn’t have time to cry over anything—especially if he should rather be expelling energy to fix it instead. Besides, he had some calls to make.

__________

“So you’re telling me there’s no way to turn it on remotely.”

The high class mechanical arms dealer on the other side of the screen shook her head, metal that was braided into her hair clanging as she did. _Not unless you are close enough_ , Hux read across the bottom of the screen as she spoke.

“And there’s no way to tell when I am close enough?” Again, he waited for her to catch the translation before she responded.

_No, my Emperor._

“Well then what’s the fucking point of being able to turn it on then,” Hux muttered but the translator still caught it.

_My apologies, my Emperor. I will work on a solution. I will check with my colleagues and get back to you._

Hux nodded and ended the call. Once more, he leaned forward and put his head in his hands. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept or ate anything. Shit, that was another thing Kylo always did for him. He would stop Hux in the middle of a long day and make him eat something.

If Hux isn’t careful, he is literally going to die without Kylo taking care of him.

And, fuck, he also has to take care of another human!

His head snapped up. Caemon.

Checking the time, Hux cursed. His child needed food, dammit.

Finding Caemon didn’t take long, at least. He was in the hallway not too far from the throne room, sitting on the floor and playing with some ‘action figures’ that Kylo had bought for him. See, that was another thing Hux didn’t know how to handle: toys for his child. He never had toys as a kid. He didn’t have good parents either. He had no preset for any of this so how was he expecting to not fuck up his child the same way he had been fucked up?

Again, Hux shook his head violently to clear away those thoughts.

“Hey, bun,” Hux said, coming up behind him.

Caemon jumped up at the sound of Hux’s voice. “Daddy!” He exclaimed. “Look,” he held up one of his toys to show Hux. “I brushed the bantha’s hair and braided it!”

Hux paused for a moment. Where had his child learned to braid? It didn’t matter; it was lunchtime.

“Are you ready to go eat?” Hux asked, holding out his hand for Caemon to take. The child gathered all of his toys into a little pack he had carried with him before taking his father’s hand and being led back to their quarters. “What do you want to eat, Caemon?”

“Cereal!” Caemon shouted from the table, where he was setting up all of his toys in a line.

“Cereal is a breakfast food. Try again.”

“Potatoes!”

“You have to eat more than just potatoes,” Hux said.

“Macn Cheese!” The way the kid said it was as if Macn was a word. It made Hux chuckle under his breath. Oh, he loves his child.

He supposed that would have to do for lunch today, but made a point of cutting up some vegetables to slip in there. The three year old either didn’t notice or didn’t care, sitting at the table across from his dad, smiling through big spoonfuls of the pasta, laughing and making funny faces.

Hux smiled sadly, watching his child.

Why wasn’t his husband here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the FUCK WHY IS THIS MASS MURDERER SUCH AN AMAZING DAD?!!!?!?! i mean he’s so worried but honestly he’s doing good
> 
> honestly i personally think it’s cute that caemon could have picked any rank and he chose ensign lmfao 
> 
> are you wondering how this little child is a secret but runs around in the open? all shall be revealed 
> 
> also? next time on ‘how many tracking devices does hux have on kylo?’ we’ll find out and that’ll be explained too. i think we may need to take a break from angst for a hot 1-2k so that’ll be most of the chapter just bc i feel like i need to explain some things to y’all 
> 
> but james what about ~~~space food~~ who gives af about space food i’m writing a relatable child dynamic here
> 
> also in case you haven’t guessed kylo is p much a stay at home dad lol so the hux family is missing him a LOT


	6. Family

For a long moment, Kylo sat on the floor in front of the console, amidst the smoking room. He knelt, the bases of his palms pressed just above his eyes, just trying to will himself to breathe. Just breathe. Could he even do that?

His _son_ was there. He was _there_. And Hux had reached forward and cut Kylo off. Wouldn’t let him see his son.

Was this really all worth it?

Of course, he still stuck by the fact that it would ultimately be the Resistance that would be able to give Caemon a better life. It would be better for their family overall. He didn’t doubt that. But this part...being separated like this. Was it really worth it?

Time passed in a different way as he knelt there. It didn’t even seem to exist. When he raised his head, it seemed like it had only been minutes of agony, but he stepped back into the halls and noticed a clock mounted on the wall: it was near dinnertime. Hours had passed.

His entire body felt far heavier than it had any right to. Every movement just didn’t feel like it mattered. He wanted his son, his husband. Dejected, he trudged into the smaller dining room where mostly officers ate.

It was not, however, empty.

The moment he strolled in, Poe and Rey’s conversation came to an abrupt halt. He didn’t make a comment on it; he knew he probably looked like shit. Losing your family can do that to a man.

“Ben!” Rey exclaimed. He lifted his eyes to her face, confused as to why she looked disgusted. “What is that in your neck?!”

Reaching up, Kylo felt around gently with his fingers until he came across a large bump underneath his skin. He recognized it immediately. “Oh, fuck!” It was halfway up his damn neck. “How did it get all the way up there?”

He pressed down towards the top of it, moving it underneath his skin until it was nestled back in his shoulder, where it should be, not missing the fact that Poe gagged watching it. “That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen,” Poe said.

It was then that Finn strolled casually into the room. “Hey, Poe, I—“ The second he laid eyes on Kylo, he stopped in his tracks. Finn held Kylo’s gaze for a brief, yet tense, moment before turning and leaving the room.

Poe shrugged from where he sat at the table. “He’s having a hard time adjusting to you as a good guy. I’ve tried to talk to him but...ya know.” Kylo understood. He used to technically be Finn’s boss. Not that they ever interacted directly, of course. But still, Finn had been stationed on the _Finalizer_. Everyone on board was terrified of Kylo.

“Back to earlier,” Rey interrupted. “What was that?”

Shrugging, Kylo grabbed a piece of fruit from a bowl on the counter and sat down at the table with them. “It’s a tracking device,” he said casually.

Simultaneously, Poe and Rey both jumped up from the table as if he had told them it was a bomb. They exchanged a glance that betrayed what they were really thinking: he’s been a lying spy all along. Well, at least that was good to know.

“Would you two fucking calm down? It’s disabled. Has been for years.” As the two sat back down, still looking wary, Kylo bit into the fruit. It was crisp. Refreshing. Where the fuck did they get it?

“Why do you have a tracking device in your neck?” Poe asked.

“Didn’t you say when we were escaping that Hux had tracking devices in your clothes?” Rey asked.

“That doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship, man,” Poe said, just as Finn walked back into the room.

“Of course it’s not healthy; they’re both evil,” Finn said as he entered.

Rolling his eyes, Kylo ignored them. He knew how it looked, but it wasn’t like that. “Look, it all started before we were even dating. When I first showed up on Hux’s ship he wasn’t exactly happy to have me there so without me knowing he put a tracking device in my belt. Turns out, it saved my life. But, I’m also stupid so sometimes I forget my belt. Hence, he put one in my helmet. But, my helmet gets shot at so it’s not always reliable. So he put one in my cowl which, if you ask me, was the smartest one he did.

“Anyway, about five and a half years ago I was in a super bad place mentally and for a while there I would disappear at random times and I knew he had tracking devices in my clothes so I would do what I did when Rey and I were escaping and I would go to some random planet and change. Long story short, I kind of went on a bit of a bender and when Hux finally tracked me down, I was pretty close to death. When I woke up in medbay he, as my fiancé, asked me if I would agree to the tracking device in my neck. We went over it all and we talked about when we would disable it when I got better.

“The main thing, though, is that it also tracks my vitals. We disabled the physical tracker not too long after we got married. It was a pretty big sign of trust on his part because I wasn’t fully better yet but he knew I was getting there.” Kylo paused, looking at all their faces. Again, he felt like rolling his eyes. “I would like to reiterate that I fully consented to getting this thing in my neck.”

He sighed. “Anyway, like I said. The main thing is that it tracks my vitals so Hux can open up this thing on his padd and make sure I’m not dying. Or dead. The only way to deactivate that part is for me to take it out which he kind of asked me that if I ever want to do that to give him heads up so he doesn’t think I just died, ya know?”

The rest of the table was just staring at Kylo when he finished. He understood: it was kind of a lot to process.

Poe blew out a breath. “Well, that’s....,” he said, trailing off. Even Finn stood there quietly, knowing this was not the time to make some remark about Kylo’s loyalty. This was a bit more than that. He had kind of just bore some secrets about his past, after all. This was about being human.

“I’m glad you’re better now,” Rey said.

Kylo smiled at her. “Thanks. It took a lot to get over. It was really hard for Hux, you know? It always is for partners. They want to do something to fix it but they just can’t. It’s not something you can fix like that. But, he was really good through all of it.” Just remembering the time, Kylo shifted, sadness welling within him. Fuck, he missed his husband. “He’s always been so good,” Kylo whispered.

Looking up, Kylo inhaled sharply, blinking back tears. “Sorry. I just, ah. I really miss my husband, you know? I know I made the right decision defecting, but I just feel like I don’t even know anymore. I miss him. I know you all hate him and can’t even begin to conceptualize how I love him, but I do. He’s a good husband. A good father.”

The moment the word left Kylo’s mouth, his head jerked up along with two others, all eyes around the table bulging. Rey didn’t seem too shocked by the information—obviously she had overheard his conversations with Hux. Finn and Poe, however, were clearly shocked.

“Oh my god, wait,” Finn said. “Caemon!” His face lit up in a smile. “I love that kid!” Then, his face fell again. “Wait, I had no idea that he existed a minute ago and now I can remember every interaction I’ve ever had with him. How?”

Kylo sat back in his chair, looking at Finn. “You really hadn’t remembered him before?”

“No, like no recollection whatsoever.”

“That’s really strange,” Kylo remarked. “I thought you were Force sensitive.” He shrugged. “Well, you probably won’t forget him now. It was stronger on the _Finalizer_.”

“What was?”

“Well, when you and your husband both kind of have targets on your back and you have a kid....We found some ways to keep him secret. It’s a nice Force trick that I’ve done. Basically, there’s this strange aura around Caemon that does a mental trick on people where when they see Caemon, they remember everything about him and it’s like they never forgot him. But when they walk away, it’s like he doesn’t exist. That way, he can still have a normal childhood without us being too worried.”

“Well then, how come I never forgot him?” Rey asked.

“Because you’re Force sensitive. However, if you had actually met him like Finn had it likely would have been a lot stronger, causing you to forget him as well. But neither of you will now. Poe, you probably will,” Kylo said.

With this information, the room once more went silent, trying to process. It was Poe who spoke up next.

“How old is this kid?”

“Three,” Kylo smiled. He looked at his childhood best friend and he knew that, through all of the mix of emotions right now, Poe was happy for him.

“Tell us about him.”

Kylo laughed just thinking about the kid. “He’s...adorable. I love him so much. And, yes, like all children he can be difficult at times, but he is just so loving. He makes these little crafts out of cereal and wet glue—“ Kylo stopped, pausing to laugh at the memory. “Drives Hux insane because there’ll be glue _all over_ but he never has the heart to say anything about it so his desk is covered in these, like, sticky, cereal contraptions. He also loves to hide in my cowl. Most of the time I don’t even know it. He’ll just be like, walking right behind me and underneath my cloak. A couple times we were worried that we had lost him because he’s always hiding all over the ship.”

“You sound like you really miss him,” Poe said.

“More than you could know. Caemon is a part of my heart.” Kylo looked down at his hands. “Hux isn’t even letting me see him.”

“What?!” Finn exclaimed. “I mean, obviously I don’t like either of you because you’re evil and you did kind of rip up my entire back with a lightsaber but that’s just—that’s a whole new level. Why?”

“It’s an effort to get me to come back to them.” Kylo remained staring at his hands as silence hung over the room.

He looked up when Rey put her hand on his arm. “Ben, as much as we are glad you’re here, we don’t want to rip your family apart. That’s not what the Resistance is about.” She paused, taking a deep breath, knowing Leia would kill her for this. “So if you—“

“No,” Kylo said, sitting up. He had guessed where she was headed with that sentence. “And that’s exactly why. Because the Resistance would say that me being with my family is more important than any war effort. My husband can’t see that. He also can’t see that I’m doing this shit for our family. It’ll give Caemon a better future.” He slumped back in his chair. “For now, however, things are...challenging to say the least.”

“I couldn’t imagine, Ben,” Poe whispered.

Kylo cast his gaze down once more, closing his eyes and placing a hand on his forehead. This was all so fucked up.

He desperately tried not to cry in that room, but he knew he failed before the first tear even escaped from beneath his closed eye. There were simply no words to describe how much he missed his son. But he knew that what he was doing was right. He knew when he became a father that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your children because it’s what’s best for them. And if that meant that they didn’t get to see each other for a while, then Kylo had to at least try. He had to at least _try_ to give his son the best life possible or what kind of parent was he?

Kylo stood. He needed to talk to his husband.

__________

Kylo laughed, but it was bitter, resentful, mocking. “I mean,” he said to the screen. “I knew I married a cruel bastard but I never thought you’d be this cruel.” He hadn’t intended to use that exact word, but Kylo tried not to feel anything positive at the twitch in Hux’s face when he said the word bastard. He hadn’t meant it, really, but at this point Hux was shoving a knife in his back and it was hard to not do the same. “You know, this isn’t just a vendetta against me. You’re hurting him, too.”

Hux met his eyes, gaze sharp. As it turned out, he wasn’t above twisting the knife, either. “I know what it’s like to be abandoned. I don’t want him to go through that same sort of push and pull before you decide to give up on him forever. Because that’s the way it always happens.” Ever the one to have to have the last word, Hux leaned forward to disable the call.

In disbelief, Kylo stood abruptly, knocking the chair over again. “Armitage, don’t you dare end this call. You say you want to talk this out like adults but you’re being petty. _Listen to me, dammit!_ ”

Hux paused, leaning back once more.

“I am not abandoning our child. This is what’s best for him!”

“They all say that!” Hux practically exploded. “You love them and you care about them but they say that this is what’s best and then they _leave_ and they never come back. The entire time, they leave you these little breadcrumbs so you think ‘maybe if I’m good enough they’ll come back’ but they never do, Kylo. They never _do_. Their contact with you just gets less and less until suddenly you are out of their life because you _don’t matter_ to them. I will not let that happen to our child.”

Both sat quiet for a moment, Hux fighting back tears, Kylo in stunned silence. Of course. His mother had wanted what was best for him, so she had sent him with his father. But Hux clearly found that Brendol was not a good option. That was, until he found Sloane. Then, he finally had someone. And one day, he didn’t have her anymore. But this wasn’t like that.

“Hux,” Kylo began, speaking softly. Oh, how he wished he could take his husbands face in his hands, wipe away his tears, layer his face with kisses. “I know what you’ve been through. I am not discrediting that. What happened to you was horrible. It makes sense that you would be cautious. But how little do you trust me?”

“You left.” Hux looked at him, incredulous. How could he ask such a question? “You left everything I thought we believed in. How am I supposed to trust you?”

“Because I love Caemon more than anything in the world. If I could stop the entire war effort to be with him, I would. You know that.”

Hux’s eyes glinted with triumph. “Then come home. Tell us where the Resistance is hiding and the war effort _will_ be over.”

“My love, I commend your effort,” Kylo returned. “But, I’ve told you my motivations. What I’m saying is that I wish we could just be a normal family. Living a normal life where neither of us have a target. Where we don’t have to hide our child’s existence with Force tricks, Hux. Don’t you want that?”

“And you think the Resistance winning will give us that? Because I think that will lead us to me being imprisoned, Kylo.”

A beat passed between them. “I may be able to working something out.”

Hux glanced around him, as if there was someone else in the room. “That’s treason, Kylo. You would be asking me to commit treason.”

Kylo crossed his arms and stared his husband down. “Yes. I would.”

“So you change your mind about everything and now I have to make sacrifices?”

“I want to be a normal family. Together. That’s all I want.”

Hux sat back, almost like he was admitting defeat. “Of course I want that too, but....” He trailed off.

Kylo turned behind him, bending to set the chair up before sitting in it and turning back to his husband. “Baby?”

Hux raised his gaze.

“I know you have trouble taking care of yourself. Are you doing alright? Are you remembering to eat?”

Hux nodded. “I set alarms once I realized that me not eating meant I would forget to feed Caemon. We’re doing alright.” Hux gave a shadow of a smile. “I got him to eat something green yesterday.”

“Last time I got that kid to eat something green I had to cover it in breadcrumbs. I’m impressed, babe. Have you had a chance to wash Mr. Snuggles because I think the last time I did it was like a month and a half ago. I was getting really behind on that.”

“No!” Hux sat up more, engaged in the conversation fully now. “I don’t know how! He makes a fuss if I try to take it from him!”

“Okay, the key is to distract him at breakfast, snag Mr. Snuggles and throw it in the wash so you have enough time to dry it before bed because otherwise—“

“He is not going to go to bed,” They said in unison.

Hux sighed, looking at his husband. “I don’t know how you do all of this.You take care of all three of us,” he whispered. “I’m not sure I can keep doing it without you,” he confessed.

“I don’t want you to.”

“Please come home, Kylo.” Hux swallowed, glancing to his side. “We need you.”

“I need you two too. More than you could ever know. This is killing me, Hux. But I know that this is what I have to do and I’m sorry.”

Hux looked up towards the ceiling, the one clear place through the tears welling in his eyes. “Then I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I’ll figure it out,” Kylo promised.

“You better.” Hux ended the call and Kylo sat back, exhaling a sigh.

He needed to talk to his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm one of kylo’s sentences about....parental sacrifice sounds.......familiar??? like maybe?? something his husband has said????
> 
>  
> 
> chapter 7 will be up on saturday!!! (i am excite)


	7. Mr. Snuggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Here is the plan. Part one is going to go through Chapter 10. I will be posting chapters 8, 9, and 10 on a weekly basis. Every Saturday. The fic will then take a hiatus while I finish up exams (finally!) and when we come back, we will be in Part II and it will take place after a bit of a time jump if everything goes according to plan. 
> 
> Okay? Cool.

Hux sighed, stiff in his throne. These conversations with Kylo were killing him.

And he hadn’t even gotten to the point of telling Kylo that Caemon was Force-sensitive.

They hadn’t really even discussed the possibilities. A couple of times, Hux had tried to breach the topic when Caemon was a baby, but Kylo had always shut it down, saying that it was so unlikely they shouldn’t worry about it. The two had only had an honest talk about it once. Hux thought back to that conversation now.

The two had been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling of their room in their tiny moment of peace. Ah, the joys of a newborn. How Hux did not miss those first few months before Caemon was sleeping properly.

He hadn’t turned to face Kylo when he said it: “I’m terrified that he’s going to get the worst traits from both of us.” It was a whispered confession, the kind that he was sure he wasn’t the only parent to ever have.

The bed had shifted then, and when Hux turned his head, Kylo was staring into his eyes. “Me too.”

“What if he grows up thinking he can never love, like I did?”

Kylo’s hand found his on the bed spread. “We will show love in our family.”

“What if he gets too caught up in his own head to appreciate it? What if he—“

Kylo squeezed his hand. “He won’t.”

Hux scoffed lightly in the soft silence of their bedroom. “Of course you can say that; I have traits far worse than you do.”

“Really?” Kylo had asked softly. “What if he’s Force-sensitive?”

“That’s a gift,” Hux said.

“For me, it was a curse. Training is hell, Hux. I never want him to go through that. With Luke....It was mostly bad because of Luke and I’s relationship but I also couldn’t stand the confines of the Jedi’s teachings. And as for Snoke and the Knights....” Kylo had trailed off for a moment and Hux had thought he was done as silence filled the space. After all, Snoke was still very much alive at that point and speaking ill of him would have been treason. “Snoke and the Knights are so much worse. Hux,” Kylo shifted onto his side, scooting closer to his husband.

“If anything every happens, if Caemon ever turns out to be Force-sensitive—if any number of chance circumstances happen, I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything, Kylo. I would do anything for you,” Hux had promised.

“Never let Snoke or the Knights even find out if Caemon is Force-sensitive. They would try to insist on taking him. Snoke would hurt us to get to him. Because of the way the genes worked out, if he is Force-sensitive, he will be strong. No matter how strong he is, Snoke and the Knights cannot have him, okay? They will ruin him, they will break him. My trainings with Snoke are the worst things that have ever happened to me.”

Hux had seen Kylo come back from some particularly rough trainings before, sure, but he had never known that he felt this way. “Then why do you stay?” Hux had asked.

Once more, Kylo had squeezed his hand. “I always stayed for you. Enduring Snoke’s torture was worth it if I got to have you.”

Hux blinked away the memory, wondering why that wasn’t enough now. Especially when he wouldn’t be enduring any of Snoke’s torture. It dawned on Hux now that Kylo had made it very clear from that point on where his loyalties lie. It was never with the First Order, but rather to his family.

That didn’t mean that Hux should have saw this coming. If he was loyal to his family then he should still be here, right? Unless, like he said, his actions were _for_ his family. And that’s exactly what he thought he was doing.

He buried his face in his hands. His life was a fucking nightmare.

When he looked up, it was at the sound of his alarm going off. It was Caemon’s bedtime. He had made sure he got dinner an hour ago, but still had some work that he needed to get done here. So, he had put on a kids film he found on the holonet and left Caemon with an R3 droid underneath a heap of blankets he called a ‘fort.’

Hux keyed in the code to their home, surveying the room in front of him. The droid was sitting in the corner, generally not reacting. In the middle of the room was Caemon’s makeshift fort, blankets piled high in a haphazard manner—Caemon had complained that Kylo would always help him and that their forts looked so much better than when Caemon did them on his own. That made sense, considering Caemon’s fort was a pile of blankets wrapped around the sofa.

He came in quietly, lifting a few of the blankets to find his three year old asleep on the sofa, holding the padd that was still streaming the holonet film. Colors flashed across his face, the volume low as he lay slumped on his side, his curly red hair fanning out around him. Hux smiled, reaching out a hand to brush Caemon’s hair back and out of his face. The child didn’t stir in his sleep.

Hux took the padd, turning off the film and setting it aside before picking up his child, cradling him close to his chest before moving out of the blanket fort and into the side room. He paused, holding Caemon and watching his peaceful, sleeping face. His heart ached in his chest. Oh, how he wished Caemon could stay like this forever: innocent, carefree. But the galaxy would come for him at some point, Hux knew. After one more moment, Hux knew he had to put his child to bed, sleep himself as well. Carefully, he laid Caemon down in his bed, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before pulling the covers up around his shoulders.

When he reached the door, he paused for a moment, looking back at Caemon before turning out the light and heading to bed himself.

__________

Hux was awoken abruptly in the early morning, Caemon bursting into the room. Before he even had time to react, the child jumped up onto the bed, landing knees-first on Hux’s torso.

“Daddy!” He yelled. “Wake up!” He flipped himself down, laying across Hux’s chest before shuffling to lay his chin beneath his hands atop him, staring directly into his eyes, Mr. Snuggles tucked beneath his arm.

Hux groaned. He was still feeling that jump, convinced that there were dents in his torso from those little, knobby knees.

“Daddy, guess what?”

“What, bun?” Hux asked.

“I had a dream about daddy! He was on a ship and—and—and the ship was grey and there was a big man with lots of hair who yelled a lot and then—then daddy was on home and I saw you and me and Millie was there and there was a lady with shiny hair and—and—and everyone’s clothes were weird.”

“That’s nice, bun,” Hux said, still struggling to wake up. “Let’s get you breakfast, yeah?”

“Okay!” Caemon jumped up, using a controlled fall to get himself off of the bed and running ahead of Hux toward the kitchen. Hux sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Caemon popped his head in. “Daddy, you said we could try and talk to daddy at some time could we try today?”

Hux froze. He had said that. He had forgotten. There was no way he could. Kylo was likely to start out yelling and the next time he spoke to his husband, they had to discuss Caemon’s force sensitivity. This could not happen.

“We’ll see, bun,” Hux said.

“Okay!” Caemon ran back into the other room and Hux followed after giving himself a moment to get collected.

He entered the kitchen to find Caemon already sitting at the table, palms laid flat on the tabletop, chin perched between them.

“Can I have cereal?” Caemon asked.

Hux came in front of him, stopping and waiting until Caemon looked up to meet his eyes. “You can have cereal only if you promise to eat all of your vegetables at lunch.”

“Okay, daddy. Cornflakes!”

“Caemon, I want you to know that if you eat cereal this morning and then _don’t_ eat your veggies at lunch like you promised, you don’t get cereal for the rest of the week.”

“Okay, daddy,” Caemon said again, still not paying full attention. Hux rolled his eyes. This was going to be a fight tomorrow, he was sure, but he poured out the bowl of cornflakes anyway.

Now was the tricky part: Mr. Snuggles.

Mr. Snuggles was this little stuffed animal that Caemon had had since he was a baby. When Caemon was born, Kylo had insisted on getting him a little stuffed animal gift; Hux had thought it was pointless. It was one of those types that was essentially a small blanket—one that used to cover Caemon as a baby but didn’t any longer—that had a little head on top. This one in particular had the stuffed, curly horns of a bantha. Caemon took it practically everywhere with him and refused to sleep without it. Hux and Kylo were trying to come up with a plan to get him more comfortable being without Mr. Snuggles but, for now, they still had to trick the thing away each time it needed a wash.

And it did need a wash.

Oh, how desperately did it need a wash.

Especially since Hux was certain there was a bit of jelly smeared on the underside. From last week.

“Caemon,” Hux said as he sat the bowl of cornflakes in front of the child. “Please eat your breakfast without any toys at the table.”

The child was silent for a moment. “Mr. Snuggles isn’t a toy,” he said.

“Yes, he is,” Hux responded. “Please, not at the breakfast table.”

Caemon’s face turned into a scowl that mirrored what Hux knew to be his own, spoon of cornflakes paused on its way to his mouth. “You’re gonna wash him, aren’t you?”

Hux took a deep breath. This was about to be a fight, wasn’t it? But, he wasn’t going to lie to his child. “Yes. Mr. Snuggles needs a wash. And when it’s bedtime, he’ll be all nice and warm for the best snuggles. But, for now, he has to take a bath. Just like you have to take baths.” It was then that Hux realized internally that his own child hadn’t bathed in about five days. Kids, they would just roll around in dirt for weeks without washing if you let them. “So you and Mr. Snuggles are going to get baths today. Does that make sense?”

He felt stupid for feeling so, but Hux wanted to cross his fingers. Please let this work. He really didn’t want it to be a fight.

But Caemon’s eyes began to well with tears. Bottom lip wobbling, Caemon spoke, voice quiet. “What if the washer eats Mr. Snuggles like it eats my socks?” His voice crumbled into a sob and he dropped his head onto the table.

Hux stood, crossing over to where Caemon was and kneeling beside him. “Caemon, bun, I promise that Mr. Snuggles will be safe in your arms tonight, okay? And remember how nice and warm he always feels after coming out of the dryer? How good he always smells? Don’t you want that?”

The conversation continued back and forth for another fifteen minutes, Caemon crying that he would never get Mr. Snuggles back if he went into the laundry. But, after the fifteen minutes, Hux was triumphant. (And finally able to move on with his day at work).

The day was still in the early morning when the notification on his screen popped up. It was Kylo, attempting to call him. Hux bit his lip, unsure if he should answer. However, his emotions got the better of him and he connected the transmission. He wouldn’t admit it to Kylo, but he missed his face, his voice. He couldn’t resist.

“You seem a little...harrowed,” Kylo commented. Hux raised his eyebrows in lieu of a response. “Mr. Snuggles?” Kylo guessed.

Hux heaved a sigh. “Turns out all this time he was afraid of the washing machine eating Mr. Snuggles like it eats his socks.”

Kylo laughed and it was rich and full and beautiful. It made Hux’s heart ache, the feeling somehow in each of his limbs. He missed everything about his husband and so damn much. “That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard,” Kylo commented.

But Hux was silent. He honestly had no idea how to break the news to Kylo. Taking a deep breath, he knew he had to just come out and say it:

“Caemon is Force-sensitive.”

Kylo stared at him blankly. Slowly, he blinked once.

Hux decided he could stand to hear it again. “I’m certain this time. He made all my hair stand up on end. He is Force-sensitive.”

Reaching a hand up, Kylo slowly pressed it over his mouth. Hux gave him a moment, watching his husband’s passive expression as he stared off into the space above the console. He needed time to process, of course. Of course.

Finally, Kylo shook his head sharply, as if knocking the terrible thoughts from his mind, and he straightened, taking a deep breath and facing Hux.

“What are we supposed to do?” Kylo asked, his voice raw.

Hux held up helpless hands. “I don’t know anything about this. Kylo, please. I am begging you. Come home. Our son needs you now more than ever. He is Force-sensitive, Kylo, he—“

“He needs to be trained.”

For all the anger that boiled inside of him at that sentence, Hux remained surprisingly calm, slamming his fist against the armrest. “You said that training was the worst thing that ever happened to you! Why would you wish that on our child?”

What Kylo said next threw Hux off: “Those who set course and cannot adjust their heading will break upon the rocks as surely as those who sail heedless of direction. We cannot change the direction of the wind. Nor can we afford to be blown whichever way it so chooses. We act; we decide; and we are acted upon. So it is in all things that wish to honor those who have come before. So it is in all things that I wish to prepare the way for those who shall come after. And I remind myself: in the Force, there is no end, but only beginnings.”

A beat passed before Hux said, “What?”

Kylo met his eyes. “It’s from a poem by Oz Ladnod. It basically is saying that we can’t just dive into things without thinking about them but that we must also acknowledge there are things we can’t change. I think I always understood that part of them poem much better than the rest, but I see now: the only option is for me to train him. I know we sort of discussed this in one of our earlier conversations but, Hux. I think it’s the only option.”

“It’s not the only option,” Hux argued. “He doesn’t have to be trained!”

“That is a dangerous risk, Hux. If he is untrained, someone like Snoke could find his vulnerable mind and poison it the way Snoke did with me. We can’t risk that.”

“And you want to risk what happened between you and Luke?”

“I would never try to kill my son!” Kylo yelled, standing now.

“And I would never subject him to something that you always called your greatest torture!”

“Hux, we have to train him in order to protect him from people _like Snoke._ Don’t you see?”

“Why do you always call it _torture_ then? No! He is not going through that!”

“Hux,” Kylo growled. “You do not have the authority to say that! You’ve never been through training like that! And I can learn from the mistakes my masters have made! He is my son and I would never hurt him, Hux, you know this.”

Sitting back, Hux pressed his fingers into his temples. He couldn’t do this right now. He knew there would be yelling in this conversation and he couldn’t have a fucking discussion about something so serious when his husband was fuck all knows where.

“Kylo,” Hux began. “All I know is what you’ve said in the past about your training. And now you’re suddenly flipping that around? No. That was what ruined your childhood, ruined you. I can’t let that happen to Caemon.”

“It won’t,” Kylo promised. “And I’m not suddenly changing my story. What changed is that Caemon is Force-sensitive. If he wants to stay beneath the radar of people like Snoke, he needs to have mental training to reign in his thoughts. And, Hux, I said this last time....When I first started training it was actually the first time I had felt mental peace. The part that became torture was when it started pulling me, breaking me, the tug between the light and the dark, Snoke’s manipulation and the brutal physical training Snoke inflicted on me. We won’t go that far. Caemon and I would just—“

Kylo cut off as an alarm sounded all around Hux. Red lights began to flash. Something was happening.

The transmission to Kylo was cut off by automatic security measures, a Lieutenant popping up on his screen. “Emperor,” she said. “We are under attack. We don’t know who from, but they are—“

Hux jolted out of his seat. The only thought on his mind was for Caemon.

He raced through the halls. Where was that damn child? The first place he decided to check was their quarters, but found nothing. It was then that he commed Phasma, asking her if she had seen the boy. She replied that she had and the news was not a relief.

Caemon was near the point of attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the quote was from The Guardians of the Whills book which you should read 
> 
> also the next chapter is gonna kill you it’ll be posted in a week
> 
> also i just wanted to let y’all know now that luke is still alive at that point ik that kind of stuff is sketch bc of the timeline but he’s alive he’s good


	8. Blast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god this chapter broke my heart

The halls rang with alarms as Hux skid down them, headed straight for the blast sight. Caemon must have been close to it and Hux’s entire body was running on panic and adrenaline alone. His child.

His _child_.

He would never forgive himself.

As he rounded the corner, there he saw Caemon, his little pouf of red hair visible from all the way down the hall.

“Caemon!” Hux called, frantic. The child was standing with his back to Hux, at the far end of the hall. “Caemon!” Hux yelled again, still running down the hall to his son. “Turn around, come to me!”

His heart froze in his chest as a group of invaders rounded the far corner of the hall, directly in front of Caemon. They all were large, covered head to toe in wrapped clothing. Unidentifiable.

The group stood in front of Caemon and for a moment, the entire galaxy held its breath alongside Hux. Then, the three year old began to cry.

Still facing away from Hux, he wailed, his hands clenching into fists by his sides, screaming “Daddy!” Hux continued to run to him, refusing to stop for anything. His son. His son needed him. He needed to get his son away from the invaders.

One of the group from the front took a step forward, hand outstretched to the child. Caemon’s crying paused as he hitched in a breath. When he released the cry, there came a Force with it.

Every light in the hallway burnt out. Hux was knocked back against the tile of the floor and he skid along the hallway, farther from his child. When his ears stopped ringing and he was able to stand, he began once more running towards his son, not stopping until he was at his side.

There were fat tears smeared across Caemon’s face, eyes and face red. Hux immediately kneeled down next to him and swept the child up in his arms, feeling how Caemon clung around his neck, small fingers fisting in the collar of his shirt. As Hux stood up, child wrapped around his neck, he cast a glance at the band of invaders.

All were knocked unconscious.

Hux didn’t know what to make of that.

Right now, however, he determined it didn’t matter. No chance it would matter nearly as much as getting Caemon away from here and as safe as possible.

He sprinted back to their quarters, disregarding the fact that he should have been giving orders at that moment. He would do so from Caemon’s room where the child would be safe. But not until then. Until then, his crew would just have to use some common fucking sense.

Which was, of course, asking a lot.

Hux burst through the doors of their quarters, still cradling a crying Caemon. He turned around immediately and keyed in the emergency code on the door. It wouldn’t open without his or Kylo’s fingerprint. They should be safe in here as long as the intruders didn’t blast a damn hole in the door or cut through it with a lightsaber.

Careful, he set Caemon down but the child attempted to keep attached to him.

“Caemon, one moment please. I have to address the crew.” But Caemon didn’t react to his words, only clung to his father.

They sat down on the sofa and Hux let Caemon wrap himself around one of Hux’s arms as he angled his padd to not let Caemon into the shot. Then, he opened a shipwide channel.

“I have seen the intruders,” he began. “There are dressed so that they are covered entirely and their identities are unrecognizable. Shoot on site and shoot to kill. It would be preferable if one of the intruders was left alive to submit to questioning but if they attack do not hesitate.” He closed the channel before pulling Caemon into his lap and holding the shaking child close.

What was that? What had just happened?

The intruders still weren’t identified and their motives weren’t clear so, naturally, that had shaken Hux. But there was something else there that he didn’t want to dwell on....

Had that blast come from his child?

Did Caemon knock out that entire group of intruders?

Questions raced through his mind as he held Caemon, rocking him back and forth slowly. After a few minutes he knew that Caemon was asleep. It only served as further proof that the blast had come from him: that would likely take a lot of his energy. But, Hux did know one thing:

He had to talk to Kylo about this.

But, of course, it would only be more of the same of what he was saying earlier, wouldn’t it? It would only make his argument stronger: Caemon needed training.

Hux supposed that somewhere inside of him he must have known that that was true. It was inescapable. But there was another part of him...the one that was holding his three year old against his chest...that part didn’t want anything like that to even touch his baby.

Maybe one day he would accept that it already had.

The moment Caemon exhibit Force-sensitive tendencies, the future was set. And isn’t that a terrifying thing, as a parent? It was like Hux could see Caemon’s entire future so, sure, blame him for trying to change the worst parts of it.

He would become his father. He would become Kylo.

And where did that leave Kylo and Hux in all of this? Kylo was drawn away from his parents, killed Han himself. Holding his sleeping, peaceful three year old now there was no way he could imagine that ever happening. And no way he could force himself to let go and watch his child take that path. To Hux, it read like this:

Caemon is Force-sensitive. He trains. This ruins him. He is manipulated by someone like Snoke and drawn away from his family. Hux never sees him again. Caemon goes down a dark path. When he finally comes back to his parents, it is to slaughter them.

Hux felt like he was going to vomit.

There was nothing he could do, was there? If Caemon didn’t have training, he would be more likely to be manipulated by Snoke or the Knights or someone similar. If he did, he could rise up as a threat and become—

Listen, the track record for Force-sensitive men in this family wasn’t exactly great.

Pulling his arms infinitesimally tighter, Hux buried his nose in Caemon’s red curls and inhaled deep, fighting back tears that were threatening to spill. He wished he could slow down time. He wished Caemon would never grow up, never face the horrors this world was preparing for him.

He wished he could protect Caemon forever, but he knew that wouldn’t be the case.

And it was breaking his heart.

__________

By dinnertime they had the intruders identified. They were from the unknown regions and hadn’t even heard of the First Order. They had no idea who they were attacking.

Only one had been alive to tell them this and when the report came in to Hux, he set two troopers at the door of his quarters with Caemon safely inside with the R3 droid and headed to the interrogation room himself. He wanted to strangle whatever being could dare—to his child. Rage was overtaking him.

The doors to the room slid open to reveal the prisoner strapped to the chair piece. They looked an odd combination between Rhodian and Togruta, eyes tracking Hux’s movement. A small translator was nestled around their neck, indicating that they had clearly been far enough into the Outer Rim to understand language differences and program their language into a translator that knew Basic. “Had never heard of the First Order.” Something in Hux suspected that was a lie and he found himself once more wishing for Kylo. He would have the true answer ripped from the thing’s mind within seconds.

Hux tried to focus on what he wanted to ask, but it was difficult for rage not to blind him.

“What do you recall of the blast that knocked you unconscious?” Hux asked. He waited as the translator around their neck crackled, turning Hux’s words into a garbled speech that the being then responded in.

“It was the child,” came the automated voice. “A strong Force user, you have. I’m sure that there are those who would pay dearly for—“

With two quick blasts, Hux shot both the alien and the translator, effectively stopping the words. His heart raced in his chest.

So it had begun, had it?

Not caring anymore about any of this shit, Hux left and returned to his quarters, immediately heading to sit down on the edge of Caemon’s bed. The three year old was sleeping peacefully, Mr. Snuggles tucked under his arm. Hux brushed his hair away from his face.

For one of the first times Hux could recall in his life, he wanted to cry. It was so different than crying because he was emotional in the heat of a moment. This was an aching deep in his bones. A helplessness.

It was all just so overwhelming. They weren’t prepared for this but it would have at least been easier if Kylo was around. If Kylo was here, Caemon would never have been alone in that hall with the intruders. If Kylo was here, Hux wouldn’t have to leave Caemon alone. If Kylo was here he would know what to do.

And Hux just didn’t. He just didn’t.

He set his head in his hands. This had never happened to him before; he had always had a plan. And how was he supposed to be an affluent Emperor when he was constantly worried about his child?

The urge to throw something was suddenly overwhelming and he stood, closing Caemon’s door and leaving him sleeping as he entered his own room, closing the door to soften the sounds and calling Kylo.

He answered immediately, eyes wide.

“Hux, what happened?” But Hux was too angry to fucking answer.

“You have ruined _everything_!” He yelled. “You think I can do this shit alone? We haven’t prepared for any of this. And now I have to deal with it alone and I just—I can’t, Kylo, I just can’t and I don’t know how you can expect me to fucking—“ He cut himself off. What was he even supposed to say?

“Baby,” Kylo said, his voice morphed by the quality of the connection. “Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not going to fucking be okay. You don’t know—“ Hux stopped. Did he really want to tell Kylo about this? Would it make him come home?

“Then tell me,” Kylo said. “Let me help. Hux, what happened today?”

Hux crashed, sitting himself on the edge of the bed. He just felt so worn. “There was an invasion. Some,” he waved his hand dismissively. “Group from the Unknown Regions that didn’t even know exactly what the First Order is. But, Caemon was out and around the ship when it happened. He’s fine,” Hux added quickly to quell the panic rising in his husband.

“I rounded a corner and found him at the end of the hallway,” Hux continued, speaking slowly. “He was standing there, facing the other direction and the group of intruders came around the other corner, right in front of him. I couldn’t reach him before it happened, I—There was a blast. It threw me back. All of the intruders were knocked unconscious. When I stood, I saw clearly that Caemon was still just standing there, crying for me. I had him back in the room within minutes.

“Later, when I went to interrogate the one intruder that wasn’t killed, I questioned them about the blast.” Here, Hux paused. Maybe Kylo had guessed it already. “It emanated from Caemon. It was him.”

Silence stretched between them as Kylo leaned back in his seat, a hand over his mouth in awe. He stared off into the distance, shaking his head slightly as if in horror. The pit in Hux’s stomach grew larger.

When Kylo brought his hand away, he blinked a couple of times and cleared his throat. “Hux, we need to talk about this. Face-to-face. We’re still not sure how secure these lines are. We can’t risk it.”

“We are on opposite sides of the war. That can’t happen unless you are deciding to come back.” Hux definitely did not silently pray that Kylo would agree.

“Hux, this isn’t about the war. This is about our _family_. And that’s far more important.”

“I can’t just leave my post!” Hux argued. “I am Emperor, not some throwaway—“

“Baby, I know,” Kylo said, voice soft. His tone brought Hux back down, his pulse slowing as he took a deep breath. “But we’re going to have to figure something out. We agree on that, right?”

“Of course,” Hux rolled his eyes. “Unless you would like to come home and solve all of this. Because I am falling apart without you,” he whispered.

Kylo looked into his eyes. “I’ll figure something out. Give me some time; I’ll talk to my mom and I’ll find a solution. Hux, in the meantime, I don’t know what to tell you. You can’t leave Caemon unattended. And, baby, I know where you stand on all of this and that you still are convinced that this is about the war but _please_ , promise me—If the Knights come for him, get him out. Get him as far away as possible. Whatever you have to do, okay?”

“Kylo, there’s one more thing,” Hux said.

The unease could be read in Kylo’s eyes. “What is it?”

“When I interrogated the intruder, they began to say that there are people who would pay a good price for a Force sensitive that strong.“

“Shit,” Kylo breathed, standing up and beginning to pace. Hux stayed sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his husband, their roles flipped. Usually he was the one pacing and Kylo was calming him down. But Hux wasn’t calm in this situation, either. This was a crisis.

“This isn’t about the damn war!” Kylo yelled. “Hux, this is—“

“If it’s not about the war then come back! Come home! Fuck, Kylo, you can’t keep saying it’s not about the First Order versus the Resistance and then be so bias! What the fuck?”

“Don’t you see?” Kylo stopped, turning towards the screen. “The First Order is what is posing a threat _to our family_. This has transcended the issue of war. We are not passive in this. Hux, can’t you see that we are fucking _inches_ from being attacked directly? We turned on Snoke. I killed Snoke and you took his place. We are _targets_. Our child is a _target_. We need to meet.”

“Come. Home,” Hux insisted.

“ _You are where the danger is, Hux!_ ”

“No,” Hux said. “Listen to me. Come. Home.”

Realization dawned on Kylo’s face. He got Hux’s meaning. That was a thing that they refused to speak of explicitly over these transmissions. Their safe place that no one knew about.

“Hux,” Kylo sat down again, running frantic hands through his hair. “I’m going to talk to my mom and I am going to figure this all out. In the meantime, please just stay cautious as I know you are going to. Just give me some time and I’ll get back to you about _coming home_.” He emphasized the words in a way that Hux rolled his eyes. It wasn’t exactly secret when he said it like that. He may as well have winked over dramatically.

“Where’s Caemon now?” Kylo asked softly.

“He’s asleep in his room.”

Kylo nodded. “Well, I don’t want to wake him up and I don’t want you to tell me no again so I won’t ask to see him.” Hux felt a pang in his heart at his husband’s defeated tone. Maybe he was right and that this was just hurting the family further....

No. Hux was right. He knew what it was like to be abandoned. And until Kylo made the commitment to be with them, as a family, then Hux wasn’t going to subject his son to that sort of thing. Absolutely not.

“Baby.” Kylo drew Hux’s attention back. “I know this is hard right now. But, please, don’t give up hope. I know I won’t.”

“I just want our family back together.”

“Me too, Hux. That is all I want. I want what is best for our family, I promise you that.”

“Well, we just have very different views of what is best for our family right now. Personally, I think you should be here. This is a time of crisis for our family. We need you.”

“You think I don’t need you too?”

Hux was shocked by how much that single sentence affected him. He could swear that he felt it hit his chest physically. In all of this, he kept forgetting how Kylo must be feeling. In the beginning, he had tried to say that he didn’t care; that this was Kylo’s choice and he had made it and he had made them _all_ feel this way. But if things had been switched....He should be more understanding, shouldn’t he? He married this man for a myriad of reasons. That hadn’t changed.

“Hux, I love you,” Kylo said.

“I love you too,” he returned.

Kylo nodded. “I’ll get back to you. We’ll talk soon. Tell Caemon I love him.”

“Of course.” Kylo disconnected the call and Hux sat, feeling almost numb.

Why him? Why his family?

Once more, he set his head in his hands. Whatever Kylo was planning, Hux hoped it worked because there wasn’t any way that Hux could begin to try and figure this out. For now, all he knew was that his only priority was protecting his child. That was all that was important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so it wasn’t as bad as i may have alluded to it being but PERSONALLY i am heartbroken


	9. Help Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this is coming so late in the day! ao3 was kinda glitching and not letting me upload from my phone. Hope y'all like this chapter!

 

Exhaling a deep breath, Kylo stood on shaky feet. He couldn’t even make sense of the thoughts running through his mind.    
  
What was he even supposed to do?    
  
He had never encountered something like this. A  _ three year old  _ being that strong was just...unheard of. Another deep breath down, Kylo began to walk down the hall. He needed to talk to his mom.    
  
She wasn’t that difficult to find, at the center of the hustle and bustle of the command center. As Kylo entered, a group of pilots was passing and the majority of them gave him a side-eye. No one on this damn base trusted him, but he supposed that was to be suspected.    
  
After they passed, Kylo walked briskly across the room to the center, directly to his mother’s side. She was giving out orders to a Captain pilot and Kylo waited patiently, his presence requesting her attention enough. He usually didn’t come into this area and she knew it.    
  
“...and make sure those get sent out  _ today _ , Captain,” she finished, turning towards her son as the pilot scurried away. “What’s going on?” She asked Kylo.    
  
He glanced around the room. Too many ears. “Can we talk in private?”    
  
Leia huffed. “This better be important,” she said, waving for him to follow her. He did, out of the room and winding down the hallway a bit until they were inside her office. Kylo pointedly shut the door behind them and leaned on it. Leia sat the edge of her desk, looking expectant.    
  
“When I was a child,” Kylo began. “When did I start showing signs of being Force-sensitive?”    
  
Leia didn’t have to think about it for a moment. “You were five years old when we knew for sure. Before that, everything was too fuzzy and when you’re a young parent...well, you would not be believe how difficult it is to—Right,” Leia said. “I guess you would. Anyway, you were five and you got angry because I told you no about something and next thing I know my favorite mug is smashed against the wall. That’s when we knew for sure. Why?”    
  
“When did I start showing signs of being  _ strong _ ? I mean, levitating with a strong emotion is kind of common in children. When did you know?”    
  
This time, Leia paused, scrunching up her face as she thought. “Well, we decided to send you in to train when Luke visited one day and his lightsaber apparently called to you. It was then that we knew it was unavoidable. But children don’t really show signs of how strong they are unless you get a midichlorian count.” She paused, her eyes narrowing and scanning his face. “Is this about Caemon?”    
  
Kylo didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to tell her about what happened.    
  
“Firstly,” Kylo began. “The preliminary signs that he’s shown like small levitation and things haven’t been accompanied by strong emotions. Something flew across the room while he was playing and he made Hux’s hair stand up in the middle of a conversation. No strong emotions attached. We hadn’t seen anything like that until today.”    
  
“What happened?” Leia asked, her voice grave. It only made Kylo more nervous about the entire situation.    
  
“There was an invasion. I was told that he was crying and Hux was trying to get to him and that he screamed and next thing Hux knew he was being knocked back and there was an entire group of intruders that were knocked unconscious. Whatever did that came from Caemon.” Kylo watched his mother closely, trying to gauge her reaction. How freaked out should he be about this? But she kept her face intentionally passive.    
  
“And he’s three?” She asked.    
  
“Yes.”    
  
“Are you sure there’s no Force-sensitivity on Hux’s side?”    
  
“Well,” Kylo began, feeling a little less nervous now. “We looked at the gene breakdown. No one really knows how midichlorians are passed from generation to generation. I mean, Luke is stronger than you and so am I. Don’t know how that happened. Apparently, Hux’s line had some Force-sensitivity generations ago but it hasn’t been present even in the slightest for seven generations. Long before all of this. It’s like it died out. But, we never know with this when it could come back. So there was the potential.”    
  
Leia nodded slowly, seeming to be processing.    
  
“What do you think we should do?” Kylo asked.    
  
His mother met his eyes. “I think you need to talk to Luke. Rey’ll take you. You better get going now, though, don’t want to waste any time.” He stood there, looking at his mother for a moment before she said, “Shoo, go. Get Rey and go.”    
  
__________   
  
“What are you doing?” Kylo asked Rey. “Get out of my seat!”    
  
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “No,” she said. “I don’t think so. You’re copilot.”    
  
“ _ Co _ pilot? This was my dad’s ship.”    
  
“And it still would be his, but you killed him, didn’t you?”    
  
“Wow,” Kylo said, blinking harshly a few times. He really hadn’t thought she would go there. Damn. Okay. Copiloting it was.    
  
He sunk into the chair, still trying to recover from that. How could she say it so offhand like it wasn’t clearly the biggest regret of his life?   
  
“Sorry,” Rey said. “Too soon.”    
  
“You think?” Kylo returned.    
  
“It’s just—“ She paused, leaving them still on the ground and wasting precious time. “I watched you do that. And here you are, not too long later, with a total change of heart? It’s just a little difficult to get on board with, you know what I mean?”    
  
Kylo stared at his hands. Of course he knew. He didn’t blame her. “Snoke had lots of things he was holding over me. I felt like I didn’t have a way out. I see now that I could have chosen another option but I didn’t then. And it’s my biggest regret. I don’t expect you to forgive me, though. For that or....” He trailed off, letting her fill in in her own mind that part about him torturing her.    
  
The shit in his past was really catching up to him, wasn’t it?    
  
He cleared his throat. “Look, can we just, uh, go?”    
  
Rey nodded, turning back and beginning to flip switches. Kylo had flown enough with his dad as a kid that his hands still knew exactly all the copilot procedures and they were in hyperspace within minutes, headed to Luke.    
  
The journey didn’t take too long and Rey dropped them out of lightspeed, bringing them low into the atmosphere of an abandoned sea planet, setting them gently on an island. As the engines powered off, Kylo looked to Rey and raised his eyebrows at her. She simply looked back. Neither knew who should go out there first.    
  
“Do you wanna, maybe,” Kylo began. “Prep him? So he knows I’m not here to kill him?”    
  
“Good idea,” Rey said. So Kylo watched from the cockpit as Rey walked onto the island. He couldn’t hear anything from outside, but soon an old Luke appeared, looking much more weathered than Kylo remembered him being. He came forwards toward, Rey, shaking his fist and yelling like an old man complaining about kids on his lawn.    
  
Rey calmed him down and gestured back towards the Falcon. It was clear the moment she said his name, as Luke’s eyes widened. Rey’s lightsaber flew from her belt and into his hand in a moment. From his place on the Falcon, Kylo shook his head. He wasn’t here to fight.    
  
He came out with his hands raised above his head, trying to convey that he wasn’t intending to be a threat. They both watched him approach and Kylo stayed a safe distance away when he called out to them.    
  
“Uncle Luke,” he said. “I think it’s time we bury the hatchet.”    
  
Luke didn’t respond, still holding his saber high. Eventually, when he saw that Kylo wasn’t going to continue, he spoke. “Why did you come here?”    
  
Kylo lowered his hands. He knew this was the humbling moment. “I need your help. Mom sent me.”    
  
At that, Luke lowered he lightsaber, powering it off and handing it back to Rey. She took it gladly, securing it once more on her belt. “Why could you possibly need my help? What about your little Master—“    
  
“Snoke is dead. I killed him. He‘s been manipulating me since I was a child and he posed a threat to my family. I had enough.”    
  
Luke crossed his arms, looking skeptical. “Family? What family? You abandoned yours. From what I heard even killed your own father.” Rey lowered her eyes.    
  
“Yes, Uncle Luke. My family. That’s what I’m here about.”    
  
“Is something wrong with Leia?” Luke’s entire tone of voice changed out of concern for his sister. “Is that why she sent you?”    
  
Kylo shook his head. He just wasn’t getting it. “Nothing is wrong with Mom. It’s my son.”    
  
For a moment there, Luke froze. Then, his eyebrows lifted up in surprise and he blinked. “Your son? Well, who’s the lucky lady?”    
  
“General Armitage Hux, actually. Our child is a result of science.” Kylo had that answer somewhat rehearsed; he had heard it too many times. It seemed to shock Luke even further but he recovered quickly.    
  
“Okay, so what about this son of yours?”    
  
“He is three. Already he is levitating objects without being in the midst of feeling strong emotions. I am told that today he knocked unconscious an entire group of people during a particularly emotional Force-ridden moment.”    
  
Luke’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “No,” he said. “That’s why I ran to this island in the first place. The Force is too strong in this family.” He began backing up. “It was too strong with my father, I barely controlled it, it consumed you. This kid doesn’t stand a chance.” Kylo’s heart plummeted in his chest. Did no one have an answer for them?    
  
What was going to happen to Caemon?    
  
So Kylo refused to let his uncle run away this time. Reaching out a hand, he froze him to the spot with the Force. “Listen,” he began. “Caemon doesn’t deserve this. I’m not trying to train him into the next whatever. All I want is to make sure the wrong people don’t get their hands on him like Snoke did with me. I just want him to be able to control himself.” Kylo released his uncle and he was surprised when Luke didn’t run.    
  
“Uncle Luke, do you remember when you first taught me to meditate?” After a moment, Luke nodded. “I sobbed with relief. Surely you must remember that moment when you were young. What that felt like.”    
  
“Of course I remember,” Luke said. “All of the crazy in your head finally calms down when you can make sense of the Force and recognize it inside of you.”    
  
“Exactly,” Kylo said. Fuck, he felt like crying. He reached a hand out towards Luke, pleading with him. “I can only imagine how much pain he is in. Please,  _ help me.  _ Help me save my son.”    
  
Luke looked at him with sad eyes. “I’ve heard that exact phrase before. Spoken by your mother.”    
  
“Please, just tell me what to do. Tell me what chance I have.”    
  
“My advice?” Luke said, shaking his head. “Get him far away from everything. From all of this. Take him somewhere they won’t find him. Teach him to meditate but never to use a lightsaber and always be on your guard that someone is going to come for him. Always.” With that, Luke turned and walked back up the stone-cropped steps to the huts above. Apparently the conversation was over.    
  
Rey walked over to Kylo and took him by the crux of the elbow, guiding him away. He walked backwards, stumbling over rocks and staring at where his uncle had gone. Somehow, seeing Luke was as bad as remembering that he had killed his own father. Everything about Luke’s life now—the isolation, the desolation—was Kylo’s fault. It was all the fault of the Dark Side.    
  
And yet his husband couldn’t see why it was hunting their family.    
  
__________   
  
Kylo sat on his bed back at the base, his mind spinning.    
  
It was like his life was crumbling in his hands.   
  
What were they supposed to do?    
  
Hux would know. Hux always has a plan. Without fail. And if something happens spontaneously that he—for some reason—has not prepared for, then Hux is able to make a plan within minutes. He was always so good at just knowing what to do.    
  
Kylo was a fucking mess without him, wasn’t he?    
  
Before Kylo had met Hux, he had heard of couples referring to their partner as their “other half” and he had never understood that. Thought he was enough on his own. But then he started dating Hux and every single one of his weaknesses was highlighted as Hux’s strengths. And vice versa. They were two perfect puzzle pieces. Surely if they put their minds together, this dilemma would be solved. No doubt in Kylo’s mind.    
  
And, before Kylo got married he had never imagined what it would be like to miss his husband. Or his child. He had never thought it was possible physically to miss someone this much. It was actually creating somatic symptoms. Each morning Kylo woke up feeling stiff as a metal sheet. With Hux next to him, he always felt loose and pliant. His stomach was in knots constantly and, honestly, being on the Resistance base was hell for that. Every time a pilot took off Kylo had to worry if it was going to hit the exact right hallway and send either his husband, his son, or both flying out into the cold vacuum of space.    
  
The anxiety and worry was killing him.    
  
He flopped back on the bed, his hair fanning out around him. Now, on top of all of this strain that was being put on his relationship with his spouse, Caemon was Force-sensitive. Urgency was building and they were having to act faster and faster. Kylo had always said he would die for his child—and he would—but he was also convinced that this is what was doing it. This would be the death of him.    
  
And it was all true, wasn’t it? Because Kylo would die before letting anyone near his child. He and Hux would both lay their lives down to stand between their baby and a person built in manipulation and lies, like Snoke.    
  
When Kylo had said to Hux that training was the worst thing that ever happened to him, he was honestly generalizing too much. As he had said to Hux early on in this conversation and as he had said to Luke today, learning to meditate was one of the best things that ever happened to him. It brought him peace. And that was what the Force should bring, right? Instead, it seemed like it always just brought the turmoil of the universe directly into your home. Your heart.    
  
Part of Kylo ached to just get in an X wing and fly until he was back in his husband’s arms. He knew his motivations for leaving were the right ones, he knew that the Resistance was where he was supposed to be, but like he said to Hux—this wasn’t about the war anymore. It was about their family. And that was far more important.    
  
But maybe returning would raise too many red flags. Going back to scoop up his family and run would mean that they would be chased. Surely Hux knew it too. There was only one way to do all of this and they would just have to cross their fingers and hope that their will and the will of the Force were aligned. If they weren’t, then Kylo supposed there was nothing they could do anyway, was there?    
  
Thoughts of Caemon drifted to the forefront of Kylo’s mind. His smile, his laughter like popping bubbles. How could a child so happy and bright possibly turn into—   
  
How could Caemon ever turn into him?    
  
It just didn’t seem possible or fair, even, that a child that  _ precious _ , that  _ innocent _ would ever have to face the cold and unforgiving Dark Side.    
  
Kylo supposed he could try to make a preventative strike, maybe warn Caemon against the Dark Side more than those before him had. But that never worked, did it? Because Snoke had gotten into his head anyway and messed around in there and fucked Kylo up. But all is as the Force wills it, as is the saying of the Guardians of the Whills. And what a true saying it is. Because Kylo knew that if he could change his past, he would instinctively want to but wouldn’t; it would erase Hux and Caemon from Kylo’s history. And that couldn’t happen. They were they best things that had ever happened to him.    
  
A child that precious. A Force so brutal. How could the two exist? It was an oxymoron.    
  
Kylo stood up, shaking himself. For days now, he had been putting off sleep in favor of meditation and he knew if he lay too long he would doze off. Part of him was afraid of receiving a Force vision, of seeing bad news laid out in front of him clear and undeniable. But the rest was simply afraid that sleeping would bring him that much closer to the day when his child would slip through his grasp and be lost to the universe.    
  
Kylo couldn’t let that happen. He and Hux couldn’t let that happen. And they wouldn’t. At that moment, Kylo promised himself, his husband, and his son that that wouldn’t happen. No matter what sacrifices Kylo would have to make, Caemon would be safe.    
  
After another conversation with his mother, Kylo needed to speak to his husband.    
  
Thoughts still scrambled, Kylo made his way out of the room.


	10. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this chapter is the end of part one!! Woohoo!!
> 
> After this, I will be taking a month-long hiatus. I know, I know, but I have exams. Eleven of them. I am going to die. Please give me credit for writing through April because my exams did start this last week. 
> 
> I promise that when I come back, I will be ready to roll as it will be summer and you can expect more cute Caemon and wonderful dads to come! Thank you so much for sticking with this fic I love and appreciate all of you!!!
> 
>  
> 
> (also sorry this chapter is up late lmao i had prom and hosted an after party so i was dead fckn tired)

No one dared say anything about it. After all, he was Emperor and he did have the power to execute them without question. So all of the Lieutenants and officers that came into the throne room to give reports kept their eyes secured on their Emperor, not letting their gaze wander across the toys spread out across the floor or the three year old zooming across the room.    
  
In a cape. With a fake sword. Making the noises of an imaginary battle.    
  
Once the Lieutenant exited the room, Hux called Caemon over to him. The child dropped his fake sword and came to stand at his father’s knees.    
  
“Bun, do you remember what we talked about?”    
  
Caemon looked down at the ground. At first, Hux thought it was shame at being reprimanded but he quickly saw the sadness in the way that his shoulders didn’t hunch down. “I have to stay in this room all day.”    
  
“No, Caemon.” Hux reached out a hand, guiding his son’s face back up to meet his eyes. “You have to stay with me. And what I was referring to is when I asked you to please stay quiet when others come in here to talk to me. Can you do that?”   
  
Caemon nodded. “Sorry, daddy,” he said. “I forgot.”    
  
“That’s okay, bun. Can you try to remember next time?” Again, Caemon nodded. “Okay.” Hux pressed a kiss to his son’s forehead. “Go ahead and play.” The small child ran off, straight back to his fake battle toys.    
  
Hux sat back in his chair, worry weighing heavy on his shoulders. His anxiety was skyrocketing. Multiple times in the past day, he had tried to contact Kylo. Each time, he had gotten nothing. This was especially odd as this hadn’t happened before. Where could he be? He said he was going to talk to his mother, but surely he wouldn’t be away for too long. Wouldn’t he at least check to see if Hux had attempted to contact him?    
  
Something about it made Hux uneasy. He had no idea where this was going, no idea what Kylo was going to tell him when he came back. They didn’t have a plan and Hux was obsessing over the thought.    
  
His  _ son _ was in danger. Could he be blamed?    
  
Checking the time, Hux realized it was time for Caemon to have a nap. Not letting his son out of his sight was a necessary intrusion. He made a notification that would alert anyone trying to find him that he was not to be disturbed and went over to his son.    
  
“Caemon,” he said. “Can we pick some of these toys up before nap time?”    
  
“Nap time?” Caemon whined. “But I was just getting to the big battle.”    
  
Hux clasped his hands together. “Well the big battle will just have to wait until after nap. Come on, I’ll help you clean up.” Caemon slumped his shoulders and dragged the fake sword behind him as he walked across the room and began collecting toys. Hux looked down at his padd, flagging paperwork that he could do easily from his quarters while Caemon slept. Then, something caught his eye.    
  
When he looked up, Caemon was sitting on the floor, legs spread out like he had just flopped there, playing with Mr. Snuggles. Behind him, all the rest of the toys were calmly and casually floating to the bag in which they had brought them all over.    
  
Hux stared, wide eyed. What was he supposed to do? Should he mention it or just let it go? By the time he could even process his options, the toys were all inside the bag anyway and he elected that his yawning son needed a nap more than a conversation about things he didn’t understand.    
  
Scooping up the bag, Hux threw it over his shoulder, tucking his padd under an arm and extending a hand to the sleepy child. Caemon reached up and wrapped his hand around two of Hux’s fingers, his other firmly holding on to Mr. Snuggles. It wasn’t long before Hux had Caemon asleep in his room.    
  
Quietly, Hux slipped into the other room but kept the door open out of paranoia. From where he sat on the sofa, he could see into Caemon’s room at just the right angle to keep a watchful eye on his child. Taking a deep breath, he told himself that everything would be okay and put his mind to paperwork.    
  
Not ten minutes in did he get the call from Kylo that he had been waiting for.    
  
Eagerly, Hux accepted the call. The first thing he noticed is that his husband looked worn. Like something was truly bringing him down, a weight dragging him to a depth he couldn’t come back from. It scared Hux. This he all processed in a flash, as Kylo’s entire face changed when he laid eyes on his husband, exhaling a deep breath.    
  
“I think I have a solution,” Kylo began. “But you’re not going to like it.”    
  
Hux narrowed his eyes. Just by Kylo saying that he already didn’t like it. “What?” He asked evenly.    
  
“First, I need you to promise me that you aren’t going to discredit it automatically. You need to hear me out.”    
  
Crossing his arms, Hux raised an eyebrow. He did not like where this was going. “Fine,” he said.    
  
“Okay. So, I was thinking about what you mentioned earlier about me coming  _ home _ ,” Kylo emphasized the word so Hux knew what he truly meant. “And I think that’s the way to go. But, I had to discuss this all with my mother, yes? She is requiring that we both sign a treaty that states that we are barred from participating on either side of the war effort. Baby, I think it’s the only way. We have to remove ourselves entirely. Somewhere safe.”    
  
Hux’s initial instinct was to say no. Shove it all back in Kylo’s face and fight this. The First Order was his life. But one glance to the side reminded him that the First Order wasn’t his life, his eyes landing on the sleeping face of his three year old.    
  
Kylo was right.    
  
This entire time, Kylo was right.    
  
And, now, Hux would have to place his trust in his husband. He would have to acknowledge that his husband knows what he is doing and trust him. Trust was the root of marriage, after all.    
  
He met Kylo’s eyes. “Okay,” he said.    
  
Kylo blinked, his eyes stretching wide in disbelief. “Seriously?” He asked. “I thought I was going to have to convince you.”    
  
“No. You’re right.” Hux paused, the next words forming hard in his throat. “You’ve been right and I’ve been acting terrible.”   
  
“Hux, no,” Kylo rushed in. “Your feelings are justified. I ran off without even saying goodbye to my son. I made a huge mistake.” Now, Kylo gripped his hand in the cloth over his heart.    
  
When Hux spoke, his voice was soft. “You did make a mistake. We all do. But you did what you thought was best for Caemon and for our family and you turned out to be partially right: the First Order is not what is best for our family.”    
  
There was a small pause between them. “I never thought I would hear you say that,” Kylo said.    
  
“Neither did I,” Hux admitted. “But becoming a father changes you as a person. My life used to revolve around the First Order, especially my dreams of becoming Emperor. Now, there is nothing more important to me than my child and his safety and his happiness. We can discuss what to do about his training later; that argument isn’t over. But one thing I know you were right about: people are going to come for him and it’s dangerous for him here.”    
  
Relief washed over Kylo’s face. “I’m so glad you see it that way, too.”    
  
“I’m just glad you were able to convince me before I had to be confronted with it,” Hux said, his voice small. Realizing now that he was once more beginning to choke up, he blinked in rapid succession, attempting to calm himself. “So, what’s the plan?”    
  
__________   
  
Kylo had explained it all in excruciating detail; quite honestly, it made Hux proud—the meticulous effort put into the thought was nothing short of what he himself would of done. At the end, he didn’t even have any questions. He simply nodded, promising to follow Kylo and Leia’s instructions.    
  
(Admitting that he was following a plan of  _ her’s _ was an entire other issue, but Hux decided he would deal with that later.)    
  
For now, Hux and Caemon went about the rest of their day as normal, but in truth Hux was waiting. Timing was crucial for them to not be caught as deserters.    
  
At the end of the day, Hux fixed dinner for Caemon and then slipped into the child’s room, taking out the traveling bag. After reminding himself to take only the essentials so as to not draw attention, he swept into the bag a change of clothes for the trip and Caemon’s favorite toys. Everything else would be there when they arrived. It was, after all, already there.     
  
While Caemon was watching a video on the holonet, Hux entered his own room and speed packed what he required into the same bag. Next, he took around ten precious minutes to coax Millicent out from her usual place beneath the bed and into her cat carrier. He then put that inside of a bag in order to not arouse suspicion. After emptying all of their backup credits into the bag, Hux sent the ready message to Kylo.    
  
This triggered an elaborate set up in which Hux was essentially bombarded with messages that the Emperor’s presence was being requested at multiple points across the galaxy. The system was launched into utter chaos; all anyone understood was that the Emperor would be needing a shuttle.    
  
Taking Caemon’s little hand in his—Mr. Snuggles held tightly in the child’s other—Hux made his way through the ship and to the shuttle bay. None of the officers or troopers said a word to him as he passed. They were all aware that he was leaving and they bowed in respect as their Emperor passed, not wanting to risk his wrath.    
  
Bypassing the many shuttles of the hangar, Hux walked straight to the one he wasn’t afraid of being tracked like the others: his husband’s command shuttle. None of the officers bat an eye when he entered it, the ramp sliding up behind him.    
  
“Daddy, I’m tired,” Caemon whined, his hand that clutched Mr. Snuggles coming up to rub his eye.    
  
“Yes, bun, I know,” Hux said. In the back of the Epsilon, there was a bed and Hux walked the two of them back there. “When you wake up, you’ll get to see daddy,” he said. After laying Caemon down to sleep as quickly as he could, Hux practically ran back up to the pilot’s seat.    
  
Sitting down, Hux cleared himself for departure with the ship, careful to not take off too fast. He had to act like this was all normal.    
  
That didn’t mean his heart wasn’t racing in his chest.    
  
Never before in his life had he been so nervous, his stomach balled up into little twists. Desertion had never been in the plan. But, like he said to Kylo, becoming a father changes you as a person.    
  
Hux lifted up and exited the ship’s hangar, drifting himself out into space. Now, he stood up and walked to the back of the shuttle. This was the part that may get him shot out of space. He was relying on the fact that his crew wouldn’t react too soon when it was their Emperor on board, but the procedures said that if tracking devices were disabled and comm calls not answered within thirty seconds, to set cannons and fire at will.    
  
Lifting up the panel in the back, Hux stuck in his hand in, firmly grasping the ship's tracking device. It was lodged in, so Hux pressed one of his feet against the wall and pushed away for leverage. The tracking device came loose with a crash, sending him falling back but he was able to regain his balance.    
  
Now in even more of a panic, Hux ran back to the pilot station.    
  
Quickly, he flipped the switches and set course for the Unknown Regions. The location was familiar to the Epsilon but the tracking had to be disabled before Hux entered it or it would be sent back to  _ The Finalizer _ immediately. Hux couldn’t have that happen.    
  
Hand on the control shift now, he pushed it forward and was finally able to sit back and heave out a shattered breath. They were in hyperspace. They had made it.    
  
__________   
  
Sitting in the Falcon’s copilot seat, Kylo couldn’t help but fidget. Chewie and his mom were sitting in the area behind him, calm as they traveled through hyperspace to their destination.    
  
Leia has been shocked when Kylo had explained to her his plan: he wanted them to ditch the war effort and go live at their home. She had asked, ‘isn’t your home on  _ The Finalizer’ _ and Kylo had to break the news that ‘no, Mom, there’s actually one other thing about our family that I neglected to mention because it was never relevant.’    
  
He and Hux had a house.    
  
Years ago, they had built it on an uninhabited planet. Kylo’s husband, the architect, had designed the entire thing when they first got engaged. It was their safe haven, their place to get away. When Caemon had first been born, they had both taken shore leave and lived at home to get past the stress of being new parents. Only for the first few months, at least. But, nevertheless, it was their home. It was their backup, their plan Triple Z everything-is-falling-apart. Both had hoped to never truly need it.    
  
It was located on a diverse planet, their home nestled just at the edge of a forest. Kylo was going to set the Falcon down not too far from there, Hux would do the same with the Epsilon. Leia would have them both sign the non-combat treaty and then her and Chewie would return home. Back to the war. Back to the life that he and Hux were forced to run from.    
  
This was not what Kylo had planned at all when he left.    
  
Of course, when he left he hadn’t known Caemon was Force-sensitive. He had simply thought about the fact that his childhood was wonderful and the exact childhood he wanted for his son.    
  
Now, it was all falling apart.    
  
_ Curse the Force,  _ Kylo thought violently.    
  
“Ben.” The sound of his mother’s voice pulled him from his own thoughts. “Come play a round against me before we get there.”    
  
“No thanks, Mom. It won’t be long anyway.”    
  
Leia decided not to press the issue and soon, they were being alerted about the drop out of hyperspace.    
  
As Chewie stood and made his way back to the cockpit, Kylo slid over to the pilot’s seat in order to bring them a smooth landing, set the Falcon down where he wanted her. Once the Wookie was in the copilot seat, they dropped and Kylo began flipping switches, getting ready for the transition into the planet’s atmosphere.    
  
Flying his dad’s ship all came back to him as muscle memory. He didn’t even have to think as he flew over the treetops. In the distance, he spotted their home, his mother standing behind him exclaiming when she saw it.    
  
“Oh, wow, you really do have a house!”    
  
Instead of responding, Kylo rolled his eyes. As if his mother thought he had been lying. Spotting the sandy area, Kylo hovered the Falcon before setting her down calmly, house in the distance. Once he powered the ship off, he sat there for a moment. He knew Hux wasn’t there yet and he needed a moment to breathe.    
  
Everything was changing.    
  
But it was good. It was for the better. It would keep Caemon safe.    
  
Kylo stood, gathering his things from throughout the ship before walking off into the planet, his mom and Chewie walking behind him.    
  
A shadow fell over them where they stood and all three glanced up, blinded by the planet’s sun. As they squinted, they were able to make out a ship flying above them, swooping to curve around and settle itself in the distance, across from them.    
  
Kylo elected to wait where he was. Something was freezing his feet to the ground beneath him. He hadn’t been with his husband in so long and while he knew Hux had consented to this plan and agreed that it was their best option, that didn’t mean they were okay. Kylo had still left. Surely, Hux was still angry about that and rightly so. He shouldn’t have to forgive Kylo so quick.    
  
That didn’t mean that Kylo didn’t want him to.    
  
Then the thought came that Kylo would be seeing his son again for the first time in weeks. His son, his baby, his child. The one he would do anything for, lay down his life for his happiness. Tears began to well in Kylo’s eyes and he made no move to stop them.    
  
In the distance, the dust was still swirling, disrupted between the landings of the two ships. As it shifted, it began to show glimpses of someone walking towards them.    
  
A heavy gust ripped past them before the wind settled, leaving the dust to pause. Then, emerging from the cloud was Kylo’s husband: Millicent the cat’s bag in one hand, Caemon hoisted on a hip, asleep against his shoulder, bags slung across his back. Kylo’s heart jumped in his chest.    
  
He couldn’t move, couldn’t bring himself to say anything as Hux closed that last bit of distance between them. Every part of his being was crying out for his family and it was overwhelming. Only feet in front of him now, Hux stopped walking. His hair was messy, his clothes were non regulation, and he looked drained.    
  
And as Kylo laid eyes in his family again, Hux gave him a worn smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haHA you think I could leave you off on a fully satisfying Kylo-embraces-his-family of Caemon-runs-to-Kylo moment??? of course not! I need you coming back for part II
> 
> see y'all in june


	11. Meetings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is back early!! Yes!! 
> 
> Welcome to part II

They stood still for a moment, dust settling between them. Kylo wasn’t sure how to react, what to do, how to gauge his husband at this moment. It wasn’t until Hux’s eyes flooded with tears that he knew the right move.    
  
Everything would be okay. Their family was together.    
  
Hux’s gaze shifted down to the child in his arms and he nudged Caemon with his head, waking him up from his sleep. The small child yawned, looking up at Hux for a brief moment before glancing around himself. When Hux lowered him to the ground, dropping all their luggage, Caemon turned.    
  
The moment Caemon’s eyes laid on Kylo, his entire face lit up in pure joy.    
  
“Daddy!” He yelled, exuberant as he ran forward across the small space left between them, arms open wide.    
  
Kylo dropped to his knees, arms coming out to let Caemon run straight into his chest before he threw them around his child. He held tight and long, one hand pressed against the back of Caemon’s head while he buried his face in the curls of his son’s hair. It had been such a short time, but the simple smell of the no-tears baby shampoo made Kylo cry and hold onto his child that much tighter. Caemon had his arms wrapped around his dad’s neck, holding on, so happy to be reunited.    
  
Caemon began to pull back and Kylo tried to hold him just a minute longer but the child drew back far enough to look him in his face. “Daddy! I knew you would be here! It was just like my dream!”    
  
At that, an alarm went off in Kylo’s mind. What did he mean this was exactly like his dream? Surely that couldn’t mean—   
  
“You were on that ship—“ Caemon pointed behind Kylo at the Falcon. “—and it was grey and the man with hair was there—“ He pointed at Chewie. “—and so was the lady with the shiny hair.” He pointed at Leia, standing on Kylo’s other side.    
  
Despite the happiness of the moment, Kylo felt his blood run cold. His child was already having Force dreams at such a young age....This was by far worse than he had thought. This was all too much.    
  
Kylo glanced up at his husband, trying to gauge what he made of all of this. Instead, what he saw made him feel so undeniably guilty.    
  
Hux had tears streaming down his face and something in his eyes looked broken.    
  
Leaving Caemon where he was, Kylo stood, stepping slowly around his child to stand in front of his husband.    
  
“Baby, I’m sorry, I—“ he began, but he couldn’t continue, cutting himself off. Closing his eyes, Kylo felt hot tears begin to cover his own face. Voice barely above a whisper, he said, “I don’t expect you to forgive me.”    
  
“Yeah, well, I never expected you to leave.” Kylo opened his eyes in time to see his husband lift a shoulder in a half shrug. “We all defy expectations.”    
  
Relief flooded through Kylo. Did that mean—   
  
“But that doesn’t mean I’m not hurt.” At this, Kylo stopped short, realizing he had been coming forward to his husband. “That doesn’t mean I forgive you  _ right now _ . That doesn’t mean that everything is fine.”    
  
“I know,” Kylo said, eyes pleading as he looked at his husband. There was nothing else he could say. Hux had a right to whatever he was feeling.    
  
“But,” Hux paused, taking in a shaky breath. “I need you right now.” At this his voice broke but still neither moved. He choked on a sob for a moment and squeezed his eyes shut briefly before opening them and continuing. “I don’t know what to do. I am upset with you and I want to yell at you and I want to fight but I’m not strong enough for that right now because this is too confusing and I need my husband.”    
  
Kylo didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. He felt the ache, the longing, the regret like a chill in his bones that weighed him down but he had no idea what to do about it. Hux hadn’t given him specific permission to do anything and Kylo wasn’t going to make a move until he did.    
  
“I need you, too,” was all he could say. It was the truth, after all. “I need you more than anything and I know that I made the biggest mistake of my life, Hux, but please...can I....” Slowly, giving Hux enough time to stop him, Kylo took a slow step forward, drawing him right in front of Hux. “Please,” he whispered.    
  
In the silence that followed, Kylo slowly tilted his head forward. Hux closed his eyes to his tears and Kylo kissed him softly on the cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.    
  
“Of course,” Hux returned.    
  
Moving his head to the other side of Hux’s face, Kylo placed another light kiss on the other cheek. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.    
  
“Good,” Hux said, but it lacked venom.    
  
Again, Kylo returned to the opposite side, this time placing a kiss mere millimeters to the side of Hux’s mouth. “I’m sorry.”    
  
“I know.”    
  
Once more, Kylo was back on the other side, kissing the corner of Hux’s mouth. This time, he drew back the space of only a breath and whispered so lightly the sound barely reached his ears, “I’m sorry.”    
  
“Me too,” Hux said, the words rushing out before he closed the gap, his arms coming up as his lips connected with his husband’s, his fingers coming to tangle in Kylo’s hair. There was a desperation in the moment, both of them feeling a need deep inside them, simply for each other.    
  
Eventually, Hux was the one to pull back, tilting to rest his forehead against Kylo’s.    
  
They stayed like that for minutes, neither of them wanting to move from the embrace, both silently crying with the other. There was so much pain in their family right now, so much sorrow. Words could not express everything that they wanted to say to each other.    
  
When Hux eventually pulled back, tears were smeared across his face and Kylo was sure his was the same. His hands, however did not move, remaining threaded in Kylo’s hair as Hux leaned forward once more, kissing his husband deeply. Kylo’s hands moved down to hold Hux’s hips as he drew his husband to him. All the shit that had happened to them recently melted away as neither focused on anything else. At that moment, nothing else mattered because they were here. Together.    
  
And yes, they knew there will still things that they had to figure out. Of course. But none of that could break them apart.    
  
As Hux pulled back, he gave Kylo’s bottom lip the tiniest of bites before their eyes met. Both paused once more, taking a moment to truly look at each other, each hoping to find answers to their questions:   
  
Did I hurt you? Do you forgive me? We’re okay, aren’t we?    
  
But most of all what was communicated was “I love you.” Neither needed to say it out loud.    
  
Hux sniffed sharply, bringing them both back to the present moment. They detangled themselves from each other, pulling back a distance, but not leaving each other’s side.    
  
Kylo turned back to his mother and Chewie, seeing now that Caemon was standing in front of the Wookie and asking him thousands of questions about countless topics and not caring that Chewbacca wasn’t answering him in the slightest. Leia, however, stood watching the couple silently. Kylo could tell the moment her eyes met Hux’s, the tension already beginning to spark.    
  
“Hey, Caemon,” Kylo said. The wide-eyed child turned back to him at once, smile lighting up his face. Kylo crouched down. “Come here.” He beckoned Caemon over.    
  
When the child was standing with him, Kylo pointed at Leia. “This is someone very special that I would like you to meet, Caemon. You know how we have talked about families? How some people have two dads like you, but some people have a mommy and daddy or two mommies or one—“ Kylo stopped listing as Caemon was nodding along in understanding. “Well this,” Kylo paused. “This is my mom, Caemon. That makes her your grandma.”    
  
There was a moment of silence before it dawned on Caemon what that really meant and he gasped, jumping up and down a couple of times. He turned back to Kylo, an excited look on his face. Then, he tugged on Kylo’s shirt. “Daddy, can I tell you a secret?” He whispered.    
  
“Of course,” Kylo said, turning his head so Caemon could whisper in his ear.    
  
There was a small moment of pause as Caemon cupped his small hand around Kylo’s ear and put on his best whisper voice. “Can I hug her?”    
  
Pulling back, Kylo laughed a little, glancing at his mom for a brief moment. “Yes, snug bug. Go ahead.”    
  
Heart swelling in his chest, he watched Caemon run over to Leia, stopping short in front of her and looking hesitant. He glanced back over his shoulder at Kylo and he quickly gave his son a thumbs up.    
  
Caemon turned back to his grandmother who was watching him and clearly trying to hold back tears, and tugged on her sleeve. “Can I tell you a secret?”    
  
Smiling, Leia crouched down to his level. “Sure,” she said. After a moment in which Caemon cupped his hands around her ear, she pulled back laughing. “Of course you can,” she said, holding her arms out.    
  
Watching his mother hug his son was almost too much for Kylo. Suddenly it was like he couldn’t think of a single reason why they hadn’t done this years ago.    
  
Caemon’s little arms were wrapped around Leia’s neck and she held him close. When she went to pull back, Caemon whispered something else to her and she nodded, picking him up and balancing him on a hip while she walked over to Kylo and Hux.    
  
In her other hand, she already held the papers that they would need to sign, stating that they would hereby be entering a personal peace treaty and would abstain from aiding any part of the war effort.    
  
“Gentlemen,” she said, but Kylo could tell it was only jokingly. “I’ll need you to sign these.” Leia held the papers out.    
  
But part of Kylo knew that if he signed them, she would have to go. She did, after all, have to get back to running a Resistance. And watching Caemon looking up at his grandmother with wide eyes, Kylo knew he didn’t want that to happen just yet. So, he did the only thing he could think of.    
  
“Do you want to come inside, Mom?” He asked.    
  
Leia took a long look at her son before her eyes glanced over in distaste to Hux. But, she turned back to Caemon and smiled. “Sure,” she said.    
  
Kylo gestured to his mother to follow after his husband who was already walking up to the home, Kylo falling into step beside his mother and son, Chewbacca coming up behind them.    
  
“Daddy, who’s that?” Caemon asked Kylo, pointing back at the Wookie.    
  
“His name is Chewbacca,” Kylo said. “You can call him Uncle Chewie.”   
  
It wasn’t long before they reached the house, Caemon still going on and on with questions about every conceivable thing. Leia answered most of them as best as she could, telling the child about planets she’d been to and things she had seen. Kylo kept a close eye on Hux a few feet ahead of them; he could tell by the slope of Hux’s back that he was running on caf and adrenaline alone, both of which were running out. He needed sleep.    
  
Hux reached the door, digging in his bag for the keys. In that moment, the rest of the group caught up to him, waiting as Hux undid the ancient locks that they had determined appropriate for their safe house.    
  
With a click, the door swung open and the lights and other technologies of the house geared up and turned on, revealing the grand entrance to their home. A large staircase was to the left, the rest of the room open before narrowing into a hallway at the other side that led to the rest of the home. At the sight, Leia raised an eyebrow at Kylo.    
  
Hux stepped into the house and Kylo looked back at his mom, shrugging. “What can I say? My husband’s into architecture.”    
  
They all stopped just inside the door, solely waiting for something to happen because Hux had stopped there. Kylo stood next to his husband and gave him a questioning look. Hux’s face looked pained as he glanced around the room.    
  
“We haven’t been here in so long,” Hux commented. “And it shows.”    
  
“I know. Isn’t it so weird?” Kylo reminisced.    
  
“I need to clean. There’s dust everywhere.”   
  
Ah, so that explained the pained look. Kylo laughed. “You can clean some other time.” Taking Hux by the hand, he led them all down the hallway and into the open room at the back that contained a grand kitchen to the left and a seating area to the right.    
  
“No, Kylo. I  _ need _ to clean. This place is disgusting. How are you not bothered by this?"    
  
Kylo stopped, turning towards his husband. "We can clean later. We have things to do right now, and then you need to get some sleep, okay?" Reluctantly, Hux agreed.    
  
Leia and Chewie walked in behind them, Leia setting the papers down on the coffee table between the couches.    
  
"Please, uh, sit," Kylo said. Following his lead, the five sat, Caemon nestled between Leia and Chewie, giving the Wookie an evaluative look.    
  
Leia took a glance around the room. "Nice house," she commented.    
  
"Thank you," Hux said. In slight shock, Kylo glanced to his right. He was actually accepting that compliment from Kylo's mom? His typical response to such a thing would have been, "I know," or, "It better be." He really must have been tired or trying far more than Kylo knew at being civil.    
  
Now, they were back into awkward silence until Leia cleared her throat and spoke once more. "I'm going to need you two to sign those," she said, indicating the papers.    
  
But something in Kylo didn't want her to go just yet. His entire family was here and it just felt right. Especially the way that Caemon was seeming to love having both Leia and Chewie there. The war aside, this is what Kylo wanted his family to be. Why couldn't they all just stay there, away from it all?    
  
Before anyone could make a move, Kylo looked over to his husband. "When was the last time Caemon ate? To that end, when was the last time  _ you _ ate?"    
  
Hux's eyes went a little wide at that question, a clear indicator that he had not been on top of things lately. "Caemon, bun," Hux said, standing. "Why don't we go get you a snack?" The little kid jumped up and Kylo stood, placing a hand on Hux's shoulder.    
  
"I'll get it, babe. Don't worry about it." Reluctantly, Hux sat as Kylo swooped up Caemon in his arms and carried him into the kitchen, leaving Hux and Leia to stare at each other.    
  
"You don't have to act civil around me for my husband's sake," Hux said as soon as the two were out of earshot.    
  
"Why do you assume everything is always an attack?"    
  
"It saves both time and lives."    
  
Leia shook her head at him. "You're not under attack here, Hux."    
  
"Really? Because I know there are things you're dying to say. You're just sparing them for the sake of Kylo and Caemon. However, you and I both know the way these things tend to go. You don't have to pretend to like me."    
  
Exasperated, Leia shook her head again. This man was impossible. "Hux, did you ever consider that I'm willing to give you a chance?"    
  
"Oh, come on. You're just sitting there wondering how your child could have ever ended up with someone like me."    
  
"I do wonder that, yes," Leia said as Kylo walked back into the room, the conversation ceasing.    
  
Kylo resumed his place on the couch. "I set Caemon up with a snack and a toy so that we could talk." He paused, glancing back and forth between his mother and his husband. "Although, maybe you two would rather I leave so you can have it out? Because neither of you are apparently willing to even give the other a chance. The tension in here is near physical."    
  
"Well, unlike your husband, I do believe in second chances and I'm willing to move past all of this and try," Leia said.    
  
Kylo ignored the insult and looked back to Hux, giving him the opportunity to prove Leia wrong. "Don't look at me," Hux said. "It's not my fault your mother will never accept that her precious son could stoop so low as to marry me." Hux met Leia's eyes, both of their glares near murderous.    
  
"For fuck's sake, you two!" Kylo threw his hands up in the air. "Mom, is that really a problem here? Because I thought we talked about this. I love him. I married him. I have a child with him. These are things you're just going to have to accept."    
  
"That doesn't mean I understand it, Ben."    
  
Hux made a gesture at Leia's words. "See? I wasn't lying."    
  
Kylo threw him a glance. "This isn't about who's telling the truth, babe. This is about you two getting along because you're  _ family _ . If anything, can't you do it for Caemon?"    
  
Leia crossed her arms. "I can be civil."    
  
Hux sat back, accepting Leia's challenge. "My child is half me and as far as I'm concerned, we're a package deal. If you can't understand Kylo's love for me, then you can't understand Caemon because our love is what made him."    
  
They both sat for a few minutes, silently challenging each other until Kylo had had enough.    
  
He turned to Leia. "You know what, mom? You said to me not too long ago that I should tell you about me and Hux and that you would tell me about you and dad. Why don't you and I take a walk? That is, unless you want us to just sign the papers so you can leave and give me a reason to side a hundred and twenty percent with my husband."    
  
After considering for a moment, Leia stood. "Alright then. Let's go for a walk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to get into some talk between Kylo and Leia and all but I also want some nice soft time with Kylo and Hux but I also want Kylo interacting with Caemon--ugh
> 
> But it will all happen, I promise. I feel like part II is really a break. This family gets to relax a little bit and figure their shit out. 
> 
> So, are you ready for Kylo and Hux's story next week? Because I sure am
> 
> (not 100% sure when that'll be up because I'm posting this early but it'll probably be sometime next week. if not, meh, it'll happen)


	12. It All Started When...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry this took forever i feel like the WORST but boy working two jobs does not really give me a lot of time to write

Things were silent at first, Kylo just listening to the soft dirt of the planet crunch beneath their feet for a while before he spoke up.    
  
"It all started when we met. I was assigned to  _ The Finalizer _ temporarily because of a mission I was on with the Knights. Neither of us thought I was going to be there long and we were both clearly happy about that fact." Kylo paused to chuckle a bit. "Hux didn't like me and, as a result, I pretended to despised him. He always said I had a temper, that I would throw tantrums and destroy his equipment. His anger and dislike were real. I could feel it. But mine? It was all a front. Because I knew the one thing about him that only I would ever believe: he wasn't afraid of me."   
  
Pausing, Kylo looked to his right to gauge his mother's facial expressions. She remained passive, listening to his story and giving him the opportunity. Smiling, Kylo continued on.    
  
"So, anyway, I cornered him one day and asked him why. He laughed at me. Called me an overgrown child who just gets in his way a surprising amount for the short span of time that I'd been around. And, I turned on my lightsaber and held it close to him and he didn't flinch. I couldn't believe it. I nearly tore through his mind trying to find some hint of fear but it just...it just wasn't there.    
  
"Now, not only was I interested as to why he wasn't afraid of me specifically, but also why he didn't experience fear when a deadly weapon was an inch from his throat. It was like the emotion wouldn't work for him at all. But, at the same time, that was pretty damn respectable so I decided to keep my distance and sort of...stay away. It was then that I got assigned officially to be the co-commander of  _ The Finalizer _ and it wasn't until a few months later that I learned why he wasn't afraid of anything. It was because he had been taken through hell and back and nothing else could compare to that. Nothing I could do, nothing the Resistance or Snoke could do would ever compare to what Brendol did to him.    
  
“And it was strange. I hadn’t realized how much I had started to look up to this fearless man, admire that in him, until one day Brendol came aboard. It was like the entire Force shifted and all I could feel was the fear of a child like it was suffocating me. I knew it accompanied the Commandant, so I tracked him back to Hux’s office.” Here, Kylo paused, his walking slowing so that his mother glanced up to him in question.    
  
“This is the part you’re probably not going to like that much, Mom.” Leia raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, allowing him to continue with his story.    
  
Kylo blew out a sigh. “Well, anyway, I burst into the room and uh....What exactly was happening between Hux and Brendol is not my information to share—not to mention I really don’t need another reason for my husband to be mad at me right now. But, essentially what happened was I realized how much I wanted that fearless man back and I drew my lightsaber and went to attack Brendol. Hux stopped me. Told me to leave. That it was between him and his father and that he didn’t need saving. In that short span of time, Brendol ran like the coward he is and his vessel was off  _ The Finalizer _ fairly damn quickly.    
  
“I went back to Hux’s office and found him laying on the floor, near hyperventilating and I sat with him for a while. Eventually, he asked why I was being so nice to him. Remember, he thought we both hated each other. So I revealed my hand. I told him how much I admired his fearlessness, how much it intrigued me. In return, he had a bit of a changed perspective on me. It was like he was able to realize I wasn’t all just rage so I decided to do something a bit drastic: I took my helmet off and showed him my face.    
  
“After that, things started to change. We went on this mission, just the two of us. It was focused on stealth and it was high classification; no one could know. We were supposed to retrieve this object for Snoke. It was a no-witnesses kind of deal. Anyway, there was this child slave. Probably about six years old. He was the one who had the thing we were supposed to get. He was holding it.    
  
“Because of the nature of the mission, I began to reach for my lightsaber. Before I could even get it, Hux had his blaster pressed against my temple. He knew I could have killed them both without a weapon. He knew I could have stopped him from pulling the trigger. He knew I could have reported him to Snoke. But he did it.    
  
“Instead of killing the kid, Hux freed him. Gave him some credits, told him to get off planet. It was very strange to watch, especially having seen Hux kill so many and never care. Always heartless, ruthless, and then this. It changed a lot.”    
  
Kylo stopped and turned towards Leia. “I later learned why he did that. Mom, he had a lot of shit in his childhood. A lot. Which, like I said, isn’t really my place to tell, but I will say that I learned years later that he saw a bit of himself in that child.”    
  
Pausing, Kylo ran a hand through his hair. Now was when he would move on to talking about their actual relationship, which was much more likely to cause conflict.    
  
“It was after that mission that we really started talking. He did, after all, owe me a bit of an explanation considering we signed off on each other’s reports of the mission where we lied and said we killed the kid. I think that was really the beginning; it bound us together.   
  
“I’ll never forget the moment when I realized I had feelings for him: I made him laugh. He has such an obnoxious laugh,” Kylo gave a small laugh under his breath just thinking about it. “And he doesn’t laugh in front of people. It’s, like, a rule of his. I think he didn’t talk to me for, like, three days afterwards.” Kylo stopped, remembering those days.    
  
“It was then that I knew I was, well, kinda fucked. I really liked him.”    
  
Feeling the awkwardness now, Kylo turned and began walking again, blowing out a sigh. Telling his mother about this was strange, to say the least, but Kylo was glad she was listening.    
  
“The buildup to our relationship was pretty slow. He doesn’t like being vulnerable with people but he has a lot less of a filter at three in the morning so I started staying up and doing paperwork with him. We got to know each other a lot better: there was one night when we talked about our childhoods and that really brought us closer. Like I said, it was a slow buildup until I just decided I didn’t care anymore and I kissed him.”    
  
He glanced over at his mother. “Mom, I know this is weird for you to hear, but it was a long kiss. And then the kiss ended and he stared at me for about a full ten seconds and then slapped me and was like ‘how dare you! You can’t kiss me!’ So I just said, ‘oh? I can’t?’ and I call that when we started dating. He doesn’t consider that when we started dating so I asked him when he thinks it was and he told me that he just woke up one day and realized ‘shit! I love him’ and that’s how he knew.”    
  
Again, Kylo stopped, turning to look at his mother. “We got married, we built this house, we had Caemon. It’s all pretty simple from there, pretty domestic. Do you have any questions?”    
  
Leia smiled at her son. “You sound like you really love him. I can tell by the way you smile when you talk about him, how your eyes get distant to see the happy memories.” Then, her tone changed. “But that doesn’t mean I believe that he loves you.”    
  
Kylo just about exploded. “Are you serious?” He yelled. “After all of that? If you’re just never going to accept him then why do you keep acting like you’re willing to try?”   
  
“Why can’t you see my side of it, Ben? My son leaves and ten years later comes back married to a mass murder when—“    
  
“How many times do I have to say it?!  _ I am also a mass murderer, mom! _ I am a bad man. I have killed. Did you  _ not notice _ in that story I was fully ready to cut that child in  _ half _ and Hux staked his entire life and his entire career on me letting him do what he did. Did you miss that part? Let me ask you this, mom: do you accept me as your son?”    
  
Leia reached out and touched Kylo’s arm. “Yes, Ben. A hundred percent.”    
  
“No,” Kylo said, moving his arm out of his mother’s grasp. “Not Ben, your precious Jedi-in-training, but Kylo, the Jedi Killer. Do you accept  _ him _ as your son?”   
  
“Yes, Kylo,” Leia said. “You will always be my son. I know you’ve done bad things, but you will always be that sweet little boy in my mind.  _ My _ sweet little son.”    
  
“What, you think Hux was never a child? He was also a sweet kid. Until his mom died and he went to live with his dad. Until his father started beating him. Until his father enrolled him in military school. Until his father started testing the stormtrooper program on him.” Frustrated, Kylo ran his hands through his hair. “Why is it so different?”    
  
“Because he—“ Leia stopped, realizing she had lifted her hand up and had started to point. She lowered it, taking a calming breath. “It’s just different. You are my son. My love for you is unconditional.”    
  
Kylo crossed his arms. “You’re right. I get that. I do. There is nothing Caemon could ever do to make me stop loving him. But, mom, you have to realize that my commitments to Hux and Caemon are a hundred percent. And I agree with my husband: my family is a package deal. You can’t accept me as your son and want me around and have Caemon around while treating my husband like that. You have to choose: all or none. Do you want to lose me again? You want to lose your grandson? Or you do you want to give Hux a chance?”    
  
Quietly, Leia said, “I will give him a chance.”   
  
“Are you sure?” Kylo asked. “Or are you just saying that?”    
  
“I’m not just saying it. You’re my son and I don’t want to lose you again. I understand Hux is important to you. But giving him a chance doesn’t mean ignoring everything that’s happening and pretending I’m okay with it all.”    
  
“Okay, then,” Kylo said. “Fair enough. I’m gonna step back and let you talk and I’ll listen about what’s bothering you.”    
  
“There are a lot of things, Ben. Like, Rey told me about a tracking device he has on you?”    
  
Kylo shrugged. “Yeah, so? Which one?”   
  
“ _ Which one? _ Ben, that should be an indicator.”    
  
“I consented to them. They have saved my life multiple times. They’re a good idea.”   
  
“Do you really think that, or is that just what Hux has told you?”    
  
“I can think for myself, mom. And when I woke up in the medbay after almost dying I was pretty damn grateful for those tracking devices. And that happened more than once. What else?”   
  
“Ben, that doesn’t mean that I have a whole list of things that we can go over and solve right now. This is going to be a process. You have to understand it’s a little difficult for me to just take your word for it that a man who recently crowned himself Emperor of the galaxy is a good man.”    
  
“In my defense, I never said you need to believe he’s a good man. I said he’s a good husband, a good father.”    
  
Leia pulled a face. “Is he, though?”   
  
“Yes, mom! He doesn’t think he’s a good father, but he’s more attentive to Caemon’s needs than his own. What more can you ask of a parent, really?”   
  
“Oh, so he can do the bare minimum? Let me run and grab the parent of the year award!”    
  
Kylo rolled his eyes. “Who is, mom? He listens, and he tries, and he admits when he’s wrong and when it comes to kids what more can you do? He’s a  _ good father. _ He’s a good husband. We rely on each other; we are a team.”    
  
“Like I said, Ben, it’s hard to just take your word for it.”    
  
“Okay, then come back.” Leia sent Kylo a questioning look so he elaborated. “We’re gonna go back and sign the papers and you’re gonna leave, go back to the Resistance. Come back after that. Stay in touch, get to know us. If you said that you want to give our family a chance, it’s not going to be easy. I know how difficult Hux can be, and I am still going to side with him over you because he is my husband.”    
  
Leia nodded. “I understand.”    
  
The two stood for a moment, both waiting for the other to say something in the tension.    
  
“Are you ready to head back and sign those papers?” Leia asked.    
  
Kylo rubbed a hand across his eyes and sighed. “Yeah, sure.”    
  
The walk back to the house was silent, both lost in their own thoughts. Kylo resisted the urge to look into his mother’s mind and find out her true opinions on the entire situation because he was, quite frankly, a little pissed off and he wasn’t entirely sure he believed everything his mother said about being willing to actually give Hux a chance. It was like their entire conversation had just been lost on her. She heard every single thing that Kylo said and immediately responded with, ‘I think it’s all bullshit.’ Kylo was fairly certain that the entire time he was talking she was just disproving everything he said in her mind. Like she didn’t take even a second to think about it, or look at things from Kylo’s perspective.    
  
And, Kylo definitely noticed that she immediately switched back to Ben. He wasn’t even sure if she had meant what she said about accepting Kylo. It mattered, because the two were very different. She couldn’t keep saying that Hux was such a bad man and that her son wasn’t. How many times did Kylo have to explicitly say that he was  _ also _ a mass murderer? It was like she purposefully ignored it. Selective hearing is what it was.    
  
The house began to come closer faster than Kylo would have liked. He honestly needed more time to process all of this before walking back into a room that would have both his mother and Hux in it. At least, he figured, it would probably be the last time that ever happened. Or close to it. Eventually, Leia would decide that Kylo and Caemon just weren’t worth the effort that was needed for Hux.    
  
And that was damn fucking fine with Kylo.    
  
Because how could she say that? How could she really listen to all that Kylo said and immediately fucking—Kylo stopped, trying to take a deep breath. It just pissed him off because she at least could have kept it all to herself. She would be off planet in a matter of a half hour so it was just fucking unnecessary is what it was.    
  
Walking ahead of his mother, Kylo reached to open the back door of the house, leading them in through the kitchen. As they were approaching the sitting room but still unseen, Kylo overheard Hux speaking.    
  
“Yes, bun, but it’s time for bed.”    
  
“Nooo,” Caemon whined in response. Kylo stopped, a small part of himself wanting his mom to hear this, to know that Hux  _ was _ a good parent.   
  
“I don’t know when they’ll be back, bun, so why don’t you go to bed? When they come back, I’ll make sure they come in to see you.”    
  
“But, daddy,” Caemon continued to whine. “Daddy’s been gone and I—and I—“ There was a pause before some unintelligible mutterings that were clearly the three year old trying to speak through his yawn.    
  
“Tell you what,” Hux said. “If you can stay awake, I’ll let you stay up another ten minutes before you go to bed. But, if they’re not back by then, you go to sleep.”    
  
Before Caemon could start whining again, Kylo walked into the room. Caemon immediately jumped up, yelling, “Daddy!”    
  
“Hey, snug bug!” Kylo said, lifting the child into his arms.    
  
“Daddy, can I stay up?”    
  
Kylo raised his eyebrows. “What did your dad say?”    
  
Instead of responding, Caemon let his head fall on Kylo’s shoulder, knowing he had lost. Kylo turned his attention back to the rest of room just in time to notice Hux’s warm smile vanish when he set eyes on Leia.    
  
“So,” Hux asked, his voice tight. “How did that go?”    
  
“It went,” Kylo said, swooping in before Leia had a chance to. “We have papers to sign, babe.”    
  
Hux stood, straightening his shirt as he did so out of habit, before walking over to the counter where Leia was laying out the papers. He sent a silent, questioning eyebrow at Kylo.    
  
“I’ll tell you later,” Kylo mouthed.    
  
“Alright, gentlemen,” Leia said. “I need three initials and two signatures from each of you and you’re officially out of the war.”    
  
Hux signed with grace, holding his chin high, clearly trying to not let Leia see how much this pained him. Kylo then followed his husband’s lead, still holding his now asleep child in his arms.    
  
“Perfect.” Leia gathered up what she needed and turned towards them. “I will leave you two to your peace.” With a nod, she turned and left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylo had to resist SO HARD to not be like OH AND YOU WERE PARENT OF THE YEAR HMM
> 
> honestly they really needed to have that conversation and it really needed to happen without hux there
> 
> !! i promise next chapter i don't plan to focus too much on plot but just pile on the fluffy angst next chapter just Pile It On so much fluff


	13. Hold Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow oh my god look who’s not dead lmao but instead is just wrecked w the flu the first week of uni lmao

The door clicked behind Leia and silence settled into the house. Kylo glanced at his husband. It was the first time they were truly alone since all of this had begun. 

“I’m gonna go set him down in bed,” Kylo whispered, indicating Caemon who was asleep on his shoulder. 

Hux nodded. “You want to talk afterwards? I can make up some drinks,” he whispered back. 

“Yeah. That’d be great, babe, thank you.” 

Turning, Kylo walked down the hallway towards the back of the house, taking a right halfway down that led to the stairs. Just off the landing of the stairway was the small room that Hux had built with a child in mind, all decorated for Caemon. They had used this house a few times in the child’s life, most notable when he was still a newborn, but luckily they had been there recently enough that everything was updated well enough to accommodate a three year old. They had always tried to keep it that way in case they ever needed to flee, to disappear; they never thought they would actually need it. 

Not bothering to turn on the light and risk waking up Caemon, Kylo crossed the room decorated with model speeders and TIE fighters to gently lay down his child, Caemon’s red hair fanning out on the pillow below him. For a moment, Kylo paused, tears coming to his eyes, overwhelmed with how much love he felt for Caemon. He bent over, pressing a kiss to the three year old’s forehead. 

“Goodnight, snug bug,” he whispered. Kylo reached out a gentle hand and moved Caemon’s hair out of his face before pulling up the covers and tucking the child in. 

Full minutes passed before he could bring himself to leave. 

When he returned to the kitchen, Hux was sitting on the countertop, looking so out of place in his casual clothes, already half a glass deep in whatever he had found in the cabinet. Kylo came and leaned his back against the section of counter next to where Hux was sitting, unsure of what to say. 

Silence passed between them as Hux drained the rest of the glass, broken only by the small sound of Hux setting it down, empty. 

“What if it’s not enough?” Hux asked, his voice low in the quiet of the house. 

“Hm?” Kylo asked, glancing over at his husband. 

Hux drew a shaky breath. “Us hiding here. What if it’s not enough?” 

“It will be,” Kylo assured, knowing he didn’t fully believe it. 

“Yeah, well, he also wasn’t supposed to be Force sensitive,” Hux said, his voice taking on a slightly panicky tone. He reached for Kylo’s drink that he had poured and began to drain it. 

“Hey, hey,” Kylo said, moving in front of Hux to reach out and take hold of the glass, slowly brining it away. Hux let him. “Slow down, okay? We will deal with what we have to, when we have to. You’ve had a long day. A long couple of days, actually. Why don’t we head to bed?” 

Hux leaned forward, resting his forehead against Kylo’s, eyes closed. “I don’t know what to do with myself,” he whispered. “I feel so helpless and lost. I feel alone.” 

Kylo’s arms car to encircle Hux’s waist. “You’re not alone, baby. I am so sorry for what I did, I don’t think I’ll ever apologize for it enough, but I’m here. You’re not alone. You have me.” Hux threw his arms around Kylo’s neck as he continued to speak. “You have me,” Kylo whispered.   

Gently, Kylo lifted Hux up and off the counter and began to walk backwards, turning and heading for the stairs. It had been so long since he had held his husband and it showed. Both of them needed to be with the other. 

As Kylo began up the steps, Hux leaned forward, changing position to press a soft kiss against Kylo’s lips. They rounded the landing and Hux threaded his fingers into Kylo’s hair, a small moan escaping him. 

Hux pulled back from the kiss. “I have missed everything about you,” he whispered. 

Kylo paused for a moment. “Baby, you are my life. I feel like I’ve been missing a part of me. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me for what I did, but if you would just let me back, even for a moment, I—“

Soft fingers touched both of Kylo’s cheeks. In the silence of their home, Hux’s whisper was the world. “All I want is you back. All I want is for this pain to go away. I forgive you, Kylo.” 

Shaking his head, Kylo shuffled his feet, eyelashes wet. “Don’t forgive me just because you want things to go back to normal. I know that I hurt you and I want to make it better.” 

Once more, Hux cut his husband off, this time by pressing a thumb over Kylo’s lips, the small touch holding them together. “Forgiving you is not what’s going to make this hurt go away. I am forgiving you because it is what is needed to let you back in to my life, to get on the road to us fully trusting each other again. And that’s what we need. I know I’ve said differently only just recently but, Kylo.” Hux paused, taking a shaky breath. “You are my husband. You are the only thing in this universe that I can count on. You are the only one out here who does everything in my interest and I am the same for you. Not having that person next to me every night is....” He struggled for the words for a moment before giving up on them. “It’s not about needing things back to normal. It’s about needing my  _ husband _ , my only true supporter back and by my side. If we need to work things out when this is all over, we will. But, right now....” 

He trailed off and Kylo understood his meaning, slowly resuming his walk to their bedroom as Hux wrapped his arms around Kylo, holding tight. 

As Kylo stepped into the room, flashbacks hit him at once of the countless sleepless nights when Caemon was an infant. In his chest, his heart ached as he felt all at once the love for his husband and son. 

He crossed the room, laying Hux down softly on the bed. Then, he straightened, planning on turning on the lights, sorting out the room, but Hux’s fingers caught in the fabric of his sleeve, and he gave a small tug. Not a ‘come here,’ but rather a very hesitant ‘please.’ 

Hux slid back to the other side of the bed as Kylo lowered himself down to face his husband, lying on his side, their noses only inches away. 

“Hey,” Hux whispered into the darkness. 

“Hey,” Kylo whispered back, chuckling, the want to fall back into their old routines so strong within him. “How was your day?” he asked, playing along with routine. 

Hux sighed melodramatically as he always did. “Well, I had to deal with my atrocious Mother-in-law and all but...I got to end the day in bed with my husband so I suppose I can’t complain. You?” 

“I got to see my son.” Even whispering the confession had Kylo’s breath catching. “And I got to see my husband and he let me touch him and he let me hold him and he let me kiss him. I don’t think I could ask for a day to go any better.” 

Again, Hux sighed, reaching out a hand to find Kylo's. "I feel...young," he whispered like a sour taste was on his tongue. 

"What do you mean?" Kylo asked. 

For a brief moment, Hux just stared at their hands, fingers interlaced. "It's been so long since I have felt this unsure. Not since I was a child have I felt so...lost. It's like the entire world has been flipped upside-down on me and I have no sense of direction whatsoever." He met Kylo's eyes. "Do you understand?"

In place of an answer, Kylo shifted forward, pressing his forehead to his husband's. "You always know what to say."

Hux's grip on Kylo's hand tightened. "But I don't now. I don't know what to do at all." As he spoke, panic began to filter into his voice. "I don't know where to go from here and neither do you. Neither of us is equipped for this sort of situation; we didn't plan for this. And because of our lack of planning, we cannot protect our child. We cannot keep Caemon safe from the dangers that are clearly pursuing him. I mean," Hux pulled away from Kylo to sit up, shifting so he was partially on top of Kylo, staring him in the face. "We know that there are people out there that are practically  _ hunting _ our child and the only thing we are capable of doing is sitting in this house, waiting for them to come." 

Moving fast now, Hux pulled himself out of bed, untangling himself from Kylo so he could move to the other side of the room, throwing on a small light as he pulled out the chair to his desk. "I cannot stand idly by and just  _ wait _ for them to take my child from me." 

Kylo sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He knew that as much as he wanted to put an end to this, it would be the only thing that would keep his husband sane for however long they were stuck here. 

That thought struck him, making Kylo pause for a moment. They had no idea how long they would have to stay here. When Kylo thought about this, he had considered it temporary. He had never given much thought to the seemingly very real possibility that Caemon would have to spend his entire childhood--if not longer--on this abandoned planet. 

It made him feel like a failure of a father. 

Which, he supposed, was probably what his husband was experiencing as well, hence his desperate need to do something. So, instead of trying to stop him, Kylo came around to Hux's side, pulling up a chair as Hux began laying out blueprint paper, drawing the perimeter of their home, no doubt starting plans for an intricate defense system. 

Kylo sat with his side against the side of the table, staring at his husband. He knew exactly what Hux meant: he felt lost and uncertain. 

But at least there was one thing grounding him. 

"Hey, baby," Kylo whispered. 

Hux barely looked up in response, continuing to draw precise lines. 

"Hux," Kylo said softly, his hand reaching out to brush against the back of his husband's. "What Caemon needs right now is his dads. He needs a functioning family unit." Hux paused, staring off at the wall while he listened to Kylo. "We just changed a lot in his life and he's probably confused at what's going on. He needs us. Yes, he needs protection and everything that I know you want to do for him, but he is only a child, babe. He needs his dads. He needs a family." 

A pause hung heavy in the air, speaking for itself in the dimly-lit room before it broke, a sob escaping Hux as he lunged forward into his husband's arms. 

Kylo held him close, feeling Hux's tears seep through his shirt onto his shoulder. He ran his fingers through Hux's hair, rubbed small circles on his back. But, he said nothing. That wasn't what Hux needed right now. He needed physical assurance that Kylo was  _ there _ . 

As they sat, Kylo reached out with the Force, knowing that he probably shouldn't do such a thing while they were trying to hide here from highly sensitive Force-users. But just reaching out through his physical touch to Hux wouldn't catch anyone's attention. 

He slipped into the outer edges of his husband's mind and, suddenly, everything became even clearer than it was before. 

Hux's mind was a mess. Everywhere Kylo looked was absolute panic and it no doubt had been for weeks. Stress had been piled on top of him; between becoming Emperor and his husband leaving and having to deal with potential threats to his child's life, Hux was falling apart. And then, underneath all of this were the flashbacks that kept popping up in little pockets wherever Kylo glanced. 

They were images of Brendol and of Hux, the strange dynamic that they had through all of Hux's childhood that was never anything like father and son. Hux had been fixating on all of the ways that Brendol had failed him as a father, juxtaposing it against how now his own son's life was in danger. Panic, fear, and betrayal all mixed together in Hux's mind. He was comparing himself to his father. 

He thought he was his father. 

Abruptly, Kylo pulled out of Hux's mind. He had reacted fast enough that Hux jerked his head up, having felt it. 

Something in Hux's eyes broke Kylo's heart: he was afraid of what Kylo could have seen. And now he was leaning away, closing in on himself physically. 

Slowly, Kylo took his hand, and he spoke softly. "First, you should never be afraid of how I may react to something I might see from you. Please, Hux. I love you no matter what. You know that, right?" 

Kylo waited to continue until Hux reluctantly nodded, shifting to a less defensive position. 

"Second." Here, Kylo took a deep breath, not wanting malice to creep into his voice at the necessity of mentioning Brendol. "Second, you are not your father. You have done everything to love and to protect our son. You--"

Hux's almost silent words cut him off. "It's not enough. It will never be enough. Even if I act nothing like my father, children still grow up to feel abandoned and hurt. There's nothing I can do."

With a soft touch, Kylo brushed Hux's hair back. "The defining point here is that even if you think this is all hopeless, you still are doing everything you can. You love him, Hux. That's the important thing. That is what he needs to know, above all else. His dads love him."

"That doesn't mean I feel like a good father. Or that I ever will."

"Anyone who feels like they're a good parent probably isn't," Kylo deadpanned. 

To his surprise, Hux laughed a little bit at that. He reached up with his other hand, smearing the lingering tears from his cheeks. “You’re right,” he said. “I’m being a little ridiculous. I just can’t get out of my own head about it.” 

Kylo’s thumb moved in circles on the back of Hux’s hand. “We’ll work on it. Together. Because, trust me. I am in no way completely stable, either.” 

“Let’s just be thankful our child isn’t yet old enough to realize that,” Hux joked. 

After a small moment, Kylo decided that this was enough freaking out for one night. The entire family was exhausted and Hux needed sleep as much as anyone. 

“C’mon,” he said, moving to stand. He gave a slight tug on Hux’s hand. “It’s bedtime. Who knows what hour that child’ll have us up at.” 

Hux smiled, standing with him. As they crossed the room back to their bed, Hux wrapped his arms around Kylo’s for a small moment. When he did, Kylo heard a stray thought slip out of Hux’s mind. He was still terrified that nothing would turn out fine. Small flashes of visions of his family dying, his child being torn from him, his—

Subtly, Kylo pulled away as they reached the bed. He couldn’t stand to see those images, but he also couldn’t stand the thought of his husband being plagued by them. 

Underneath the sheets, Kylo pulled Hux close to him, neither needing to say anything in the darkness to communicate how much they needed each other and how much they knew they would need to rely on each other in the coming weeks. 

Slowly, but together, they drifted off to sleep, Kylo’s arms wrapped around his husband for the first time in what felt like a long time. 

It wasn’t but moment later, it seemed, that something stirred Kylo from his dreamy sleep. Some cold presence on the edge of his consciousness. 

Opening his eyes, Kylo knew something was off. It was like someone was standing at the corner of the bed, watching, waiting for a moment to pounce. 

But Kylo wasn’t going to let that happen. In a moment, he sprung out of bed, his hand outstretched to greet his lightsaber as it flew through the air, turning it on right as it reached him, an extension of his limb. 

And he lunged, poised ready to take down whatever had invaded his home. 

But when his feet landed on the floor and the soft red glow of his lightsaber illuminated the space in front of him, there was nothing there. 

In a rage, Kylo began storming through the house, ready to attack anything that—

“Kylo, wake up!” Hux yelled and Kylo jolted awake, still being shook at the shoulders by his frantic husband. 

Hands shooting up, he grabbed Hux’s hands, both of their breaths easing together, taking moments to calm down. When the room was back to its normal quiet, Hux looked Kylo in the eyes. 

“Do I want to know what you saw?” He asked, his voice low. 

“I’m not sure I could tell you what it was.” 

“Do you think it was...real?” 

Kylo paused for a moment, unsure what he should say. To be truthful, he didn’t know if it was a Force vision or just his own mind overthinking the situation with nightmares of its own creation. So, he figured there was no point in freaking Hux out any further. 

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Felt like just a nightmare. Must be the stress. Let’s go back to sleep.” 

Hux’s shoulder’s relaxed, clearly comforted by that answer. Nodding, he lowered himself back onto the bed at Kylo’s side, and was quickly asleep. 

It wasn’t too long before Kylo followed, his hold on his husband more protective than it was before.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl do i sound like way too poetic when i write cause i feel like such a melodramatic Bitch
> 
> also i couldn’t remember if i had kylo say in the fic the words please remember i love you but if he didn’t then whelp i guess it was part of a convo that we didn’t see lmao
> 
> also i may hate this chapter but that’s fine (except the end i liked the end oooooh)
> 
> we gonna get back into the action in a bit but not immediately bc listen this family deserves A Break
> 
> HEY PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK ABOUT IF YALL would be down to see smut in this fic or if you're like indifferent or like hell yeah or hell no cause I'm down if y'all are down


	14. Pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally smiled the whole time writing this it is the most domestic, fluffy thing i think i have EVER written so get ready lmaoo (like ik my writing is kinda clunky but idgaf cause its CUTE)

Hux breathed deep, waking up slowly, not bothering to open his eyes. Why would he want to?   
  
This was the happiest he had been in a long time.    
  
It was also probably the perfect amount of warm, laying beneath the sheets with his husband hugging him from behind. Everything lay still in the quiet of the morning and Hux didn’t even want to breathe for fear of shattering it all. He just wanted to stay in this moment forever.    
  
But that’s never an option, is it?   
  
When Hux opened his eyes, he was reminded of how smart his own design of this house was. He had taken into account the rotation of the planet around its sun and had made certain that no window in the house would ever be facing it directly, causing for a warm, soft glow to be coming through the light, inner curtain that was drawn against the window.    
  
Kylo shifted slightly behind him and Hux could feel his breath on the back of his neck, slow and deep. Sleeping soundly.    
  
Not wanting to wake him, Hux moved slowly, reaching down to trace small circles on the back of Kylo’s hand, which was thrown around Hux’s chest. Eventually, the movement probably woke Kylo, as Hux heard him inhale sharply before groaning. Kylo pressed his forehead to the back of Hux’s neck, his arm tightening around Hux’s chest.    
  
Looking over his shoulder, Hux whispered, “Good morning.”    
  
For a moment, Kylo made a displeased noise before lifting his head, throwing his hair out of his face with a flick. Then, he smiled. “Morning.” Kylo looked at Hux for a small moment. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said.    
  
Kylo leaned down to kiss his husband and Hux squirmed, laughing. “Ew, you have morning breath.”    
  
Kylo rolled his eyes. “Yeah, so? You do, too.” Softly, Kylo gave his husband a small kiss.    
  
Still laughing slightly, Hux muttered, “Gross.”    
  
Just as Hux was about to relax back into his husband’s arms and spend the entire day like this, the door was flung open.    
  
In an instant, little knobby knees and elbows were climbing their way into bed. Kylo rolled over to his other side, grabbing Caemon around his waist and lifted him upside down through the air, giggles filling the room as he did. He set Caemon down with his little feet sticking up between his dads’ heads.    
  
“Daddy!” Caemon laughed. “You put me upside down!”    
  
"Oh, did I?" Kylo asked, playing at innocent. "Or did I put in you in just the right position to-- _ tickle you _ !"    
  
Caemon erupted in a fit of giggles before Kylo even began to tickle the child, all a ball of laughter, squirming around in the bed.    
  
"Are you ticklish...here?" Kylo asked, tickling Caemon in the side.    
  
Laughing so hard he could barely talk, Caemon said, "No!"    
  
"What about...." Kylo pulled his hands back and Caemon reigned in his giggles, smile still almost breaking his face in half. Kylo feigned like he was going to tickle his feet and Caemon immediately started laughing again, pulling his feet up and covering the bottoms with his hands.    
  
"I don't have ticklish feet," Caemon laughed.    
  
"I think you do," Kylo said.    
  
Still giggling, Caemon shook his head, curls flopping atop his head. "No."    
  
It was at this that Kylo looked to Hux, lifting an eyebrow. "I think he's lying."    
  
Hux nodded, playing along. "Yes, and you know what the punishment for that is going to be."    
  
Kylo nodded back, looking fake-serious. "The punishment for lying about having ticklish feet is...to have your feet tickled!" Kylo lunged forward, swooping Caemon up in his arms.    
  
After minutes of the two of them laughing and having fun, Caemon got himself under control and tapped Kylo on the shoulder. "Daddy," he said, motioning to be able to whisper in Kylo's ear.    
  
Complying, Kylo leaned down and Caemon whispered, "Is daddy ticklish?" Then, he threw a little smile over his shoulder at Hux.    
  
Just from the way the two of them were acting, Hux could see it coming. "Oh, no you don't, Kylo," he said, even as Caemon crawled to the side, giggling once more.    
  
"Oh, yeah. Oh, this is happening," Kylo said.    
  
"No," Hux said, scrambling backwards out of bed and holding up a finger that said, 'wait.' "No, I am not about to be brought into this."    
  
Kylo threw a fun glance at Caemon. The child had his hands against his mouth to hide his smile but when Kylo looked at him, he couldn't hold back a laugh and that sealed Hux's fate.    
  
As Kylo feigned towards getting out of the bed on one side, Hux flinched in the other direction. He could feel the enjoyment starting inside of him and he refused--he  _ refused _ to let this happen. No. Hux was not going to be  _ tickled like a child _ . And he was  _ not _ going to laugh about the whole situation. No, this was not happening. He was a grown man, dammit. And he was not going to  _ giggle _ .    
  
From the bed, Kylo started to get up, following the direction that Hux had gone, so instead, Hux darted towards the door. In a flash, Kylo changed directions, clearly expecting this, and intercepted Hux, throwing his arms around him from behind.    
  
In that moment, all of Hux's rules melted away and he laughed out loud, starting to squirm the moment Kylo's fingers tickled along his sides.    
  
Kylo had Hux laughing so hard he felt boneless, unable to hold himself up as he let Kylo hold him. Eventually, Kylo stopped but kept his arms wrapped around his husband. He was laughing too, clearly enjoying the moment and he pressed his cheek to Hux's as their smiles both began to fade, the world coming back down to normal.    
  
Hux turned in Kylo's arms and Kylo gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before releasing him and moving back over to where Caemon was on the bed.    
  
"I say," Kylo began. "That we go make breakfast."    
  
"Breakfast!" Caemon yelled, running out of bed and disappearing down the hall, Hux able to hear the small thunks as his heels hit the steps.    
  
Smiling, Kylo came back to his husband for a moment, rewrapping himself around Hux. "I love you, baby," he said.    
  
Hands coming up to cup Kylo's face, Hux smiled back. "I love you, too."   
  
"I know you're still scared," Kylo said, noting the way Hux's eyes flashed at his words. "But we're gonna make it. No matter what we have to go through, everything is going to be fine in the end."    
  
"That doesn't mean we know how far away the end is. We could be here for decades. We may never stop fighting this, Kylo. All I want is for him to be safe."    
  
Leaning forward, Kylo pressed their foreheads together. "Me too," he whispered. Pulling back, he inhaled sharply. "But right now, we have a hungry child downstairs waiting for us."    
  
Before Kylo could leave, Hux pulled him back in for a quick kiss.    
  
When they arrived downstairs, Caemon had made his way up onto one of the stools and had two action figures in his hands. From the way he was playing with them, they were having an intense conversation in a language neither of the parents had any hope of understanding, but that Caemon was fluent in.    
  
Hux went and sat on the stool next to Caemon as Kylo started opening cabinet doors and removing cooking utensils.    
  
"I'm thinking...eggs?" Kylo asked, opening the door to the fridge. "I know Caemon loves scrambled eggs."   
  
Caemon didn't pause in playing with his actions figures as he screwed up his nose and said, "Yuck."    
  
Pausing, Kylo turned toward him. "Yuck?"   
  
"Caemon doesn't eat eggs anymore," Hux informed Kylo.    
  
"Doesn't eat eggs? Snug bug, what's up with that?"    
  
Now, Caemon dropped his action figures, his hands flopping on top of them. "Eggs are gross, daddy." With his statement made, the action figures resumed their argument.    
  
Eyes narrowed, Kylo threw a look at Hux who just shrugged in response.    
  
Sighing, Kylo walked over to the pantry and began pulling out dry ingredients. "Well, I guess it's pancakes then."    
  
"Pancakes!" Caemon yelled, clearly delighted.    
  
A few minutes later as Kylo was stirring the pancake batter, Caemon paused in his playing and turned to Hux. "Daddy, how long are we staying here?"   
  
Kylo froze, the whisk halting in his hands. His head snapped up, looking over to Hux and noticing the panic in his eyes. He didn't know how to answer that. Neither of them did.    
  
Forcing himself to keep stirring, Kylo said, "We're not sure, snug bug. It may only be a little while, or it could end up being a long time."    
  
"So is this where we live now?" Caemon asked. They had covered enough about families and homes for Caemon to understand the concept of moving.    
  
To Kylo's suprise, Hux answered. "Yes, bun. This is where we live now."    
  
"So how are you going to go to work?" From the way Caemon glanced between them, they realized the innocent question was directed at them both.    
  
"Well," Hux said, taking a deep breath. "That is a very complicated situation. But, I can tell you that Daddy and I won't be leaving to go to work. Things are just going to be a little bit different."    
  
"Does that mean we can all make blanket forts together whenever we want? And watch movies? And play games?"    
  
Sensing Caemon's excitement, Kylo set the bowl down on the counter and moved over to where Hux and Caemon were sitting, resting on his forearms. "Kind of. Daddy and I aren't really sure, okay? What we can tell you is that this is a very adult situation. And when you're a grownup sometimes things are hard to explain. They can be very complicated. This is one of those times. It's so complicated that Daddy and I are still trying to figure it out, okay? But everything is going to be alright. We're still gonna have fun and we're still gonna learn lots of things, okay? But there are going to be some changes. And Daddy and I need your help to try and do your best with those changes, okay?"    
  
Kylo got the sense that Caemon understood a little bit of the seriousness of the situation because he didn't look so sure. "Okay," he said, hesitantly.    
  
Thinking the conversation was over, Kylo went to go back to making breakfast, but before he could even fully stand, Caemon started to say something else.    
  
"Is it the bad men?"    
  
Hux and Kylo both froze. Both could swear even their hearts stopped beating.    
  
"What bad men, bun?"    
  
"The ones from the other day. On the ship."    
  
At Caemon's words, Hux could practically feel his blood start flowing again. "No," he said, reaching out and smoothing Caemon's hair. "Those bad men are not coming anywhere near you ever again."    
  
"Okay," Caemon said, cheerfully. He picked up his action figures and resumed playing.    
  
Within minutes the atmosphere was back to what it was before. Kylo began pouring pancake batter into the pan and in no time was stacking up golden circles on a plate.    
  
"Hey, snug bug," he said after the fourth batch. "You want to flip a pancake?"    
  
"Kylo, he could burn himself," Hux interjected at the same moment Caemon gasped and said, "Yes!"    
  
Before Hux could even get his glare ready, Caemon was out of his seat.    
  
As Hux watched on in absolute horror, Kylo pulled a stool over in front of the stove and swung Caemon up to stand on top of it. "Alright so," he instructed. "First rule is safety. Don't touch the pan." Caemon nodded but Kylo stopped and made him look him in the eyes. "Don't touch the pan, Caemon. It will burn you and it will hurt."    
  
"Okay, daddy."    
  
"So this," Kylo held up his hand. "Is a spatula. You see the flat part?" Again, Cameon nodded. "That's gonna go underneath the pancake and then you're going to lift it up and flip the pancake over. Like this." Then, Kylo demonstrated before gesturing to the second blob of batter in the pan.    
  
"Ready to try?"    
  
Caemon nodded, excitement playing out across all his features, eyes wide. Kylo handed him the spatula but kept his hand on it as well, guiding Caemon. When the child reached forward with the spatula, his other hand naturally started to drift towards the pan as well and Kylo subtly took it in his other hand, holding it at a safe distance.    
  
Sticking his tongue out with concentration, Caemon maneuvered the spatula to awkwardly stick at a strange angle as he tried to get it under the pancake, ultimately just starting to rip it in half. But Kylo guided him and eventually they got it underneath.    
  
"Okay, so just lift up," Kylo instructed.    
  
The pancake immediately ripped in half and Caemon erupted in a fit of giggles.    
  
Together they kept working on it for another few batches, churning out mangled and burnt pancakes. Hux watched the two with mixed emotions. Every time Caemon started towards the pan he thought he was going to have a heart attack, but nothing bad happened.    
  
It was probably just because he was on edge. He was anticipating danger at every corner. And, to an extent, he supposed he had always been, his whole life. He couldn't deny the effect that must have had on why he was mentally counting the seconds it would take for him to get to the first aid kit and back.    
  
In the end, Caemon successfully flipped a pancake with Kylo's assistance, three hands all crowded onto the end of the spatula.    
  
"Daddy, I did it!" Caemon turned towards Hux. "Daddy, did you see?"    
  
Unable to help himself at his child's infectious joy, Hux burst into a smile. "Yes, bun, I did! You did a great job! Now, let's go grab the syrup and some plates."    
  
As the three ate, sitting around a small table, Hux tried to not lose himself in his thoughts. Sure, this was nice and all, spending time with his family, but there was something that wouldn't let him enjoy it. It was like, in the back of his mind, there was a little bit of evil. And every time something good would happen, that little bit of evil would whisper to him, 'it's all going to fade.'    
  
So he plastered on a smile and tried to make it real.    
  
The day passed with the three of them together, Caemon telling constant stories. Hux was so caught up in it that he almost didn't have time to think, to entertain the thoughts that were plaguing him. That was, until Kylo put Caemon down for his nap after lunch.    
  
Once the chattering of the child had stopped, the house felt eerily silent. Especially with Hux sitting on the sofa, alone. It suddenly felt so empty and cold.    
  
And this was the way it was going to be. Potentially for years.    
  
Soft sounds from the stairs, drew Hux's attention in that direction. In a moment, Kylo appeared from the hallway, still dressed in his sweatpants and t-shirt.    
  
It all felt like limbo. Yes, that was how Hux would describe it.    
  
Without saying anything, Kylo sat down next to Hux. Minutes passed in silence, Kylo allowing Hux to be the one to break it.    
  
Hux laid his head on his husband's shoulder. A few breaths later, he spoke. "I don't know if I'll be able to get used to it."    
  
"I don't expect you to." When Kylo spoke, it was like Hux could hear it rumbling through his chest instead of just the air and it grounded him.    
  
"Why do you say that?"    
  
"Well, you could never even get the hang of vacations. You don't like being away from work. It makes you feel helpless. Like you're not doing anything. And I can imagine that that's only amplified in this instance. You feel you can't do anything. But we have to remember that that's the best course of action right now. We need to lay low. If we do it well enough, we may even be able to get off the radar of whoever is out there. We may be able to hide. And if we can successfully hide here, we may be able to hide somewhere else. Maybe somewhere with a bit more of a population?"    
  
A few beats passed before Hux responded. "That scares the shit out of me."    
  
Now, Kylo turned to look at Hux, inadvertently shaking him off his shoulder. "Why?"    
  
"I just feel that there's nothing we're ever going to be able to do. That we're never going to escape it. Especially not just sitting here doing nothing. If we have any chance of surviving this thing--of  _ Caemon _ surviving this--then we have to be on the offensive. Because the defense is always unprepared. Especially when outnumbered and, Kylo, in case you haven't noticed, we are entirely on our own. We have no army. It is just the two of us. There is no way that we could possibly--"    
  
He broke off, not wanting to bring himself to say it. He didn't want to have to go there.    
  
Not needing anything else to be said, Kylo pulled Hux into his chest.    
  
As Hux laid there, allowing himself to be held, he felt waves of calm began to come over him. It didn't take him long to notice that it was Kylo reaching out with the Force. He had half a mind to stand up and slap him--they had just talked last night about how using the Force could lead someone to them--but at that moment he couldn't bring himself to care.    
  
Without Kylo, he was sure he would go insane in all of this.    
  
So, instead, Hux let himself be held for one beat, two beats more. And then couldn't convince himself to stand up and leave.    
  
With a calming breath, Hux closed his eyes.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my goooood i can't believe we are at chapter 14 already!! that's fuckn wild. 
> 
> so to update on where this is going: chapter 15 will be the last chapter of part two. we will then move on to part three. what that means is we only have one more cute chapter with them all being a nice, domestic family before we get back into ~~the shit~~ 
> 
> im so excited lmfao


	15. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::::PLEASE READ: so the previous rating on this fic was T and it is now upgraded to M. This is because this chapter contains a semi-sex scene. I was going to make it more explicit but I really didn’t want this fic to have an E rating so the sex scene is definitely a sex scene but is not overly explicit. You’ll understand what I mean when you get there. If y’all want an explicit sex scene lmk and I’ll make something outside of this fic for y’all bc I love y’all lmao

Hux sat downstairs, waiting for Kylo to come back from putting Caemon down to bed. Kylo had been taking care of this endeavor for the past few weeks. It was like since both parents were finally together, he had decided to stop cooperating and was back to fighting bedtime. Sure, he had done it a little in the past, but it was starting to get bad. He kept telling them that he didn’t want to go to sleep because of the monsters in his nightmares. Hux was inclined to believe that the nightmares were a result of the stressful situations recently. Kylo was convinced it was the Force.    
  
Either way, the child put up such a fit each night that Kylo had taken to—on the worst nights—using the Force to ease Caemon into sleep. The use of the Force was making Hux increasingly uncomfortable, despite Kylo telling him that it shouldn’t be detected by anyone else when it was done through skin-to-skin contact.    
  
But Hux couldn’t bring himself to believe his husband. Last time Kylo said they would be fine, they weren’t. As much as he wanted to trust his husband, part of him just couldn’t.    
  
So he sat with his eyes closed, trying to just take a moment to calm himself before Kylo came back downstairs. They had been living here for a month and a half. Hux had finished his plan for their perimeter security and he and Kylo would start in on building it tomorrow. It would take a lot of work but at least it would be something to keep them busy in the coming months.    
  
After that, Hux had determined he would start in on non physical security measures around their planet. How he would do that he wasn’t entirely sure at the moment, but he had plenty of time to figure it out.    
  
They had their first check-in with Organa at the first month mark. The next one wouldn’t be until three months in. Halfway there.   
  
From what she had said, it was looking like they were going to be living here for years. Possibly even the rest of their lives.    
  
Hux couldn’t get over what kind of life that would be for Caemon. What would happen as he got stronger? What would happen when Hux and Kylo would inevitably die and leave Caemon alone?    
  
It was just too much to think about. Maybe things would change. Hux would just have to have hope.    
  
It was a strange feeling. Not relying on himself.    
  
He heard Kylo coming back into the room and he opened his eyes again, trying to look alright. But there was no faking it in front of Kylo.    
  
Kylo sat down next to Hux on the couch, scooping up Hux’s legs in one arm and sitting down before letting them fall back across his lap. “What is it?” He asked, thumb rubbing a circle near Hux’s ankle.    
  
Hux shrugged. He didn't want to lament over the same thing that had been consuming him this entire time:    
  
What if it wasn't enough?    
  
"Hey," Kylo whispered, sensing the sadness in his husband. "I know it's difficult, baby. But it's not going to be like this forever."    
  
"How--" Hux began, an accusation on the tip of his tongue, but as soon as he began speaking, his voice felt choked inside of him and he barely held back a sob.    
  
Kylo reached out, a hand coming to the back of Hux's head, smoothing his hair. Gently, he pulled Hux in towards him and Hux let himself go, let his head be buried in Kylo's chest, let the tears begin to fall.    
  
"I can't promise much to you," Kylo whispered into the top strands of Hux's hair. "What I can promise is that I love you. So much, Hux. And you and I are going to do absolutely everything in our power to protect our child. That's all we've been doing, all we could ever ask for. But, Hux. I am going to protect you, too. Physically and emotionally." He squeezed his husband marginally tighter. "I love you, baby," he said again.    
  
Raising his head, Hux pushed a hand across his face. "Don't promise me anything, Kylo. We don't know enough for you to promise me anything."    
  
Taking Hux's wrists in his, Kylo leaned in, catching his husband's eyes in the low light. "I have a surprise for you."    
  
"Kylo, I'm not in the mood." Hux's voice was even and offered no room for argument. Nevertheless, Kylo gave a small tug on his wrists, standing up, and Hux reluctantly went with him.    
  
Down the hallway towards the steps Kylo walked. Hux assumed he was being led upstairs, likely to bed, but at the last moment, Kylo stopped before a door that was across from the stairs. It was a room that they rarely used--just an extra piece in the house that they ended up mostly using for storage. Hux hadn't even been in it since they had gotten back to the house.    
  
He gave Kylo a skeptical look. "What?"    
  
Instead of responding, Kylo reached out and opened up the door.    
  
As it swung on its hinges, a warm light flickered out. Hux's breath caught.    
  
"Kylo," he said, voice barely heard. He blinked back more tears, for an entirely different reason, vaguely noting how ridiculously emotional the last few months had made him. He glanced over at his husband. "You didn't."   
  
Leaning in, Kylo put a light kiss on Hux's cheek. "Happy belated Anniversary, baby."    
  
Still holding on to Hux's wrists, Kylo stepped in front of him, walking backwards and guiding Hux into the room. Once they crossed the threshold of the doorway, Kylo released him. "Once I shut this door," he said, hand finding the nob. "How about we both say that we are going to actually take a bit of time to ourselves?"    
  
Hux's mouth opened, his eyes skittering to the side.    
  
"Nothing is going to happen, Hux." When still no sound came from Hux's open mouth, Kylo said, a pleading look in his eyes, "One hour, Hux."   
  
Inhaling deep, Hux's eyes met Kylo's again. "One hour."    
  
With a smile, Kylo swung the door shut before reaching his hand out to escort his husband over to the candlelit table that he had set up. On top of it was a makeshift tablecloth from a bedsheet Kylo had found, as well as two small plates and a dessert. "Thank you," Kylo said as they walked over.    
  
Hux said nothing.    
  
And for an hour, they both forgot about all of the crazy shit that had been happening to them for the last two months.    
  
Hux laughed at something Kylo said, the sound of it surprising in the still air of that unused room. He couldn't remember the last time he had heard that sound but he and Kylo were speaking of the past and he felt himself slipping back into the man that was in these stories and that man was--miraculously, somehow--more carefree than Hux was now.    
  
They were sitting on the floor in the candlelight, facing each other, talking like how they used to. There was no talk of the potential abduction of their child, no mention of the First Order or the Resistance. This is what they used to do on their anniversaries: the two of them would talk about the things they never got around to speaking of because they were always "too busy."    
  
And in that room, Hux truly believed that one hour wouldn't do any harm.    
  
In the warm light of the room, Kylo reached a hand out to his husband as Hux spoke. He pretended he didn't notice it as it landed on top of his own, continuing his stream of consciousness as it crawled up his wrist. But when Kylo's other hand came forward as well, cupping Hux's cheek, Hux's voice stuttered to a stop.    
  
"I'll never get tired of hearing you talk," Kylo said.    
  
"Then why does it feel like you're trying to shut me up?" Hux countered, raising an eyebrow. But his taunting flirt didn't get the expected reaction from his husband.    
  
Kylo's face remained entirely serious as he could so be, emotional as he was.    
  
His eyes were watching Hux's lips. "I don't mean it lightly when I say that I've missed you."    
  
Now Hux was confused. "Kylo, we've been together for more than the last month."    
  
Kylo's eyes didn't move, but there was something reflected there that Hux couldn't quite name. He moved his thumb, brushing across Hux's cheek. "You mean everything to me. I will die before I ever let anything happen to you. And I know that you've strangely forgiven me for what happened but you did it because you need me." He paused, waiting as a heavy breath passed. "I miss when you wanted me."    
  
Reaching forward, Hux placed his hand, palm flat, against Kylo's chest as if he was about to push him back. "You think I don't want you?"    
  
Now, Kylo and Hux's eyes met and Hux saw the wanting there. "Not like I want you." The candlelight flickered between them, throwing shadows across Kylo's face.    
  
"I--" Hux began, intending to deny the strange accusation that he didn't want his husband. But when he opened his mouth to speak, he found that there was a truth to it that he hadn't even known about. He had thought that he had forgiven Kylo for everything, but there was still a knot inside of his heart that hadn't been unraveled. In fact, it may have just fortified itself under the guise of stress.    
  
It didn't come as a surprise to Kylo like it did Hux and Kylo began to draw back, the connection between their eyes breaking. As Hux sat, frozen, his hand still hovering in the space that Kylo's chest had been, Kylo made a move to get up.    
  
"Wait."    
  
So Kylo did.    
  
Hux glanced up, an apology on his face. "You're right."    
  
"I know." Kylo gave an almost-sigh. "It's okay; it's my fault."    
  
"I don't want you to be right anymore."    
  
"What does that mean?"    
  
Shuffling forward on the floor, Hux came in front of Kylo and he reached up tentatively. He brushed Kylo's hair back and away from his face.    
  
"I hadn't even realized....I thought I was...stressed."   
  
"It's resentment," Kylo filled in.    
  
"I don't want to resent you." His fingers tightened in the thick locks of Kylo's dark hair. "I don't want to be with you because I need you. I want to be with you because I want you, too."    
  
"Hux," Again, Kylo's fingers encircled Hux's wrist, warm and solid. "It's okay. We--"   
  
"It's not okay. I don't want to live like this anymore." He shifted and Kylo fell back, sitting atop his heels. Not breaking eye contact, Hux swung a leg around and straddled his husband's hips.   
  
Kylo's hands came to Hux's hips, but not an in encouraging way. No. In a way that said stop.    
  
"Really, Hux. It is okay. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't mean it like that."    
  
"Well I did."    
  
Something in Kylo's fingers loosened.    
  
Before he could protest again, Hux kissed him. Kylo's legs twitched upward and his entire body reacted to the kiss--the first deep thing since they had been reunited. There were other kisses, sure, that initial reuniting was real. But it wasn't real like this, it wasn't desire like this.    
  
Hux felt Kylo's fingers slip right above the waistline of Hux's pants, skimming along his bare skin, and something snapped inside of Hux.    
  
He pulled back from the kiss and, for a brief moment, their eyes met.    
  
"If you ever leave me again," Hux said, voice cutting through the room. "I will kill you."    
  
A smile broke through Kylo's face. "There's my husband." His fingers moved, lacing through Hux's belt loops and he gave a sharp tug to bring Hux that much closer. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Armitage Hux."    
  
Moving a hand from Kylo's hair to underneath his chin, Hux tipped Kylo's head back, making his gaze slide along his nose to see Hux.    
  
"You say you love me?" Hux asked.    
  
"More than anything."    
  
Hux leaned in as if for a kiss but bit Kylo's bottom lip, drawing it away from him in a languid tug before releasing it. His hand still in Kylo's hair cut short Kylo's lips chasing his own.    
  
"You say you would die for me? Bleed for me?"    
  
"No hesitation," Kylo answered, obedient.    
  
This time when Hux leaned in, he bit Kylo's ear. But before drawing back, he whispered, voice vulnerable, "But would you take me?"    
  
Like it was nothing, Kylo shifted his weight and, with a guiding hand beneath Hux's back, switched their places until Hux was lying with his back flat against the floor, Kylo between his legs. "If you would have me, I would give you everything."    
  
Letting his hands fall to the floor next to him, Hux arched his back, pressing up towards his husband.    
  
"Then give me everything."    
  
Not needing further prompting, Kylo leaned down, kissing along Hux's neck. As he did so, he felt Hux's hands tug at the shirt on his back and he sat up, barely abandoning his task for a moment as he ripped the shirt off. In that small moment Hux, too, sat up, taking off his own before their lips met once more and Kylo lowered them back to the floor.    
  
Neither wanted to rush things too fast, but something in the back of Kylo's mind told him that it was now or never; he wasn't always going to have this opportunity with his husband; there would be a day when he wouldn't be able to have Hux anymore; there would come a time when it was no longer the two of them together like this.    
  
He never wanted that to happen.    
  
Hands softly making their way down Hux's chest, Kylo shifted his position, deepening their kiss. And Hux let him take full control, even continuing to leave his hands on the floor: complete vulnerability with his husband.    
  
As Kylo's hands came to the button of Hux's pants, he paused, despite the growing worry in the back of his mind. He tried to tell himself that it didn't matter right now, that he was just paranoid. He needed to take his time with Hux right now   
  
(because it may be the last time)   
  
But every time could be the last time, so that stray thought didn't matter. It only meant that, going forward, Kylo would, every day, treat Hux as how precious he was. In every thing he did he would make sure that his actions clearly communicated how deeply he loved his husband with every fibre of his being, every thread. He would make Hux really understand the meaning of "cherish."    
  
He would never stop fighting. Not for Hux. Even if he would lay down his life, even if he would bleed, even if he would be tortured. He would give Hux everything.    
  
Everything.    
  
His hand slipped lower, underneath the waistband of the few clothes Hux was left wearing, his mouth starting to follow the path that his hands had taken, listening to the soft gasps that caught in Hux's throat, just beneath Kylo's lips.    
  
He payed close attention to the changes in Hux's breathing, the shifts of his chest, the different fractions in the curve of the arch in his spine, the flexes of his calves that Kylo could feel along his sides.    
  
When he sat back for a moment, Kylo didn't have to communicate his intentions: Hux untangled his legs, allowing Kylo to pull off the rest of his clothes, the lifting of his hips gently followed by the lifting of his toes. Kylo's mouth then came back down, still kissing his line down Hux's chest.    
  
That was what Kylo remembered about the night: the little things. He watched the ways that Hux's fingers flexed while they were together, the trembling in his arms and legs, the ways the candlelight sent shadows all along Hux's torso. He had missed everything about his husband and he vowed that all that he had said this night was true.    
  
So Kylo gave him everything. And in those moments, Hux gave him forgiveness. True forgiveness.    
  
In the moments after, Kylo let himself slump a little, resting his forehead in the center of Hux's sternum. He felt Hux's hands finally  move from the floor, coming up to softly stroke Kylo's hair, his fingers getting caught at light tangles here and there. Both just breathed for a few minutes, understanding that while they did just that, they could forget that everything outside of this room existed: all of the pain, all of the fear, all of the stress was banned from this room, this moment.    
  
When Kylo lifted his head, they both knew that spell was broken and Kylo carefully moved himself away from his husband, reaching for Hux's shirt. Hux sat up and Kylo tugged the shirt over his shoulders for him. After pulling on his own, he stood and blew out the candles one by one, Hux watching him from the floor. Then Kylo turned and picked Hux up, carrying him out of the room and up the stairs like that first night, neither needing to say anything.    
  
They got back up to their bed and Kylo laid them both down, not bothering to let go of Hux. He used the Force to lift the covers over them, half asleep as they curled up with each other. And for the first time since they had gotten to this house, they both felt safe. With each other.    
  
As Hux drifted off to unconsciousness in Kylo's arms, Kylo's eyes dropped closed, eager to follow him. But before he could, he felt a cold presence on the edge of his consciousness, just like he did on that first night.    
  
His eyes flew open, his body tensing up. Last time, it had been a dream.    
  
This time he knew it wasn't.    
  
Something was coming. Something dark.    
  
Something powerful. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaAAAnd we are on to part three!!!!! 
> 
> of course I couldn't end it all nicely! the daunting bullshit of part three has arrived! only, what form will it take this time? stay tuned to find out!!
> 
> also i am so sorry about taking so long to update lmaooo (i may technically be on writing hiatus rn but oh well)


	16. Interrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Weekly updates?! Amazing! 
> 
> When I said that the happiness of part II was over, I want y'all to know that I meant it. 
> 
> Also, when we're in the cave and there's a circle and I start name-dumping you don't have to, like, know all those names rn for plot relevancy (also this chapter is really...trippy. There's some weird things and if you can't make sense of it just ask me in the comments and I'll be happy to help)

Kylo debated whether or not he should reach out with the Force. On one hand, if he did it could alert whatever else was out there to his location. But if he didn't, he could be caught unaware. Whatever was out there was likely looking for him and probably already knew where he was.   
  
That thought rang out in his head, clearer this time:   
  
Whatever was out there probably already knew where he was.   
  
If he had felt it on the first night...   
  
Kylo sprung out of bed and Hux woke up, likely thinking that Kylo was having another bad dream. Reaching his hand out, Kylo felt his lightsaber fly into it only moments later. Without looking back at Hux, he started off down the hallway to Caemon's room.   
  
As he approached the door, something inside of him didn't want to look. Because he didn't know what he would do if he opened the door to find an empty bed.   
  
When he entered the room Caemon was still sleeping soundly but Kylo noticed something else. There was a shadow dropping from the window.   
  
The open window.   
  
Instinctively, Kylo went to turn back to Caemon, grab him, hold him, get him away, and when he blinked, Caemon wasn't there anymore. Head whipping back towards the open window, Kylo realized that Caemon hadn't been there at all--it had been a Force illusion. And somehow, Kylo had fallen for it.   
  
Without hesitation, Kylo threw himself through the open window, hearing his husband screaming behind him. He landed on the ground from the second story and the entire planet seemed silent. Nothing was moving.   
  
Closing his eyes, Kylo started tapping into the Force on the entire planet. It was draining, but he had to know everything that was on it. As his connection to the planet spread, he felt the heartbeat of every fauna, the breath of every flora. Farther away, he reached the dying hum of a ship. That meant that it was still in the process of turning off, engines still cooling down. Therefore, whoever had taken Caemon wasn't back there yet.   
  
Kylo calmed himself, trying to focus on the tiniest of details he felt in the planet. This being that had taken Caemon was Force-sensitive and was likely masking their presence. Caemon, however, would be too young to know how to do that, likely screaming out in terror through the Force, and was clearly stronger than his captor so even if it was being masked by another person Kylo should be able to find--   
  
His eyes snapped open. There was a little blip of fear in the Force. Pushing after that with all his strength, Kylo began to figure out where it was. Moving slowly, through the trees and towards the ship, Kylo could sense little Caemon's fear, practically crying out through the Force for his dads.   
  
Without looking back, Kylo took off, following that little light in the Force and thinking of absolutely nothing else. He plunged through the forest, chasing it, ignoring how he could feel the ways that he was disturbing the plants.   
  
That gave him another idea: while he was still focusing on Caemon himself, he looked for any damaged and hurting plants through the Force. This was able to tell him where the captor had been--including the path which he took to the house and was seemingly following back.   
  
Knowing this route allowed Kylo to cut across the forest, ready to intercept the two on their way back to the ship. He sprinted faster than he thought he could physically run and then, knowing that he was in the direct spot where the captor and Caemon would likely cross, he stopped, quieted his breathing, and climbed up one of the trees.   
  
In a few minutes, he began to hear the perpetrator making their way through the forest, the underbrush softly moving by their feet. And in the dim light of the stars, Kylo was able to spot Caemon's bright red hair poking out of a bag on the being's back.   
  
Rage flared within him, but he quieted it, waiting for the moment when the captor would be directly underneath him. They approached quietly, glancing around them in the bare light. Kylo counted down the seconds and then they were underneath him and Kylo dropped from the tree.   
  
He caught the captor around the front, pulling him down face first on top of Kylo so as to not hurt Caemon. The two began to get into a fight, a fist thrown at Kylo's face. With a deep breath, Kylo took far too much of the Force into himself and froze the other being in midair.   
  
Holding his breath and knowing that when he let it out the Force would go with it, he untied the pack from the captor and swung it around his front. He released the air in his lungs and caught the kidnapper by the scruff of their neck.   
  
He then began dragging the kidnapper back towards the house, Caemon against his chest.   
  
__________   
  
The lights of the house were all on as Kylo approached it. It wasn't before long that he saw Hux who was doing continual perimeter sweeps, a blaster in hand. Kylo felt bad for him; it was the only thing Hux could think to do and he probably had felt so helpless knowing that his child was out there.   
  
When he caught sight of Kylo approaching he began running out from the house. He met them halfway, first embracing Caemon before noticing the being Kylo was dragging.   
  
Hux came around behind Kylo and took the kidnapper from him, blaster poking into the being's back as they walked back to the house. Hux walked a little bit behind Kylo, leaving the captor between them.   
  
As they approached the house, Hux said, "I'll leave the interrogating to you, Kylo, and I'll take Caemon into the other room."   
  
Kylo stopped, turning towards Hux and they made the trade.   
  
"Take him inside the house, lock the doors, keep your blaster on you, and don't let him out of your sight. I'll take care of this out here. You may want to cover his ears with something."   
  
Hux nodded, understanding, having heard the screams that could come from Kylo's interrogation victims. He took Caemon inside, leaving Kylo and the kidnapper outside in the night heat of the planet.   
  
Once they were alone, Kylo turned to the kidnapper. With a flick of his wrist, he unleashed his lightsaber and leaned close.   
  
"Who hired you?"   
  
The being responded with a series of clicks that Kylo didn't understand. And he didn't have a translator anywhere close. It could have been the being cooperating or it could have been a "fuck you." Kylo had no idea.   
  
He had been hoping to avoid getting messy, but it seemed like it was going to be the only way.   
  
Kylo braced himself with one hand in front of him, reaching out. He pushed into the thing's mind, searching around through the images there. Even those were distorted, as the alien in front of him had strange vision. Kylo ignored all of that searching deeper for something he could understand.   
  
Pushing past all the useless images of planets from space, Kylo eventually found one he recognized. And considering he didn't even know the species of the being in front of him, that was highly noteworthy.   
  
So he stopped, pushing deeper with that image in mind specifically. And he found it. He found it all.   
  
_It was a swampy planet. One Kylo recognized all too well. There were animals that would run underneath the water in the swamps but you would never see them moving. You would only feel them. If you looked away, you could feel a slimy tentacle-like thing against your ankle. But by the time you jerked away and looked down, you would only see the slightest ripple in the water._   
  
_Most of the swamp wasn't wide enough to land even a TIE. Trips to this planet had to be made by drop-offs. No landings. They had once found a place that they thought they could land, but the second they stepped away, the ground underneath their ship melted away, swallowing it into the swamp without a bubble._   
  
_The others were convinced that the planet was actually one being--a single, Dark Force entity--and that everything else was an illusion. That was why only they made it on and off the planet alive._   
  
_Each year, the Knights would make a pilgrimage to this planet. They left it unnamed. It was technically, after all, uncharted and in the Unknown Regions. Going to that planet would reconnect them with the Dark Side of the Force, as well as with each other. They had secret rituals that they did there, bringing them deeper into the darkness._   
  
_And Kylo was standing on the unfirm ground of the swampy planet._   
  
_He walked forward a bit, gazing around and wondering what he was doing here. As he walked, he felt like someone was following him so he whipped around. There, he saw a strange being he had never seen before. They spoke at him, but it was only in strange clicks that Kylo couldn't interpret._   
  
_The two seemed to be going in the same direction so, curious, Kylo let the other being lead._   
  
_He followed the alien across the winding, sandy paths that would disappear behind you if you tried to trace your way back. The fog was thick on this particular day, making it difficult for Kylo to see far in front of himself. At a few points, he almost even lost track of whoever he was following._   
  
_Eventually, they wound up at the cave. The Knights believe the cave to be the center of the planet. Although it appears that you are still on the surface of the planet, there is a point where you disappear from scanners, as if you were inside the planet. Each Knight accepted this illusion as fact, knowing the ways that the Force can meddle with the mind._   
  
_Kylo followed the alien as they entered the mouth of the cave. He knew the way well from here: the cave itself was the one thing that had never changed. A few of the Knights believed it to be the heart of_ Kura _\--the name they had given for the being they believed to be the planet._   
  
_It was dark upon immediate entry and the way began to pitch upwards. Once more, the Knights believed that simply the entrance of the cave was actually the heart of the planet, as well as the heart of_ Kura. _Going up in a cave like this made no sense, so they determined that it, too, was likely an illusion._   
  
_After the steep incline, the floor of the cave would level out and the journey would continue in darkness for a while. Then, light would appear off to the right--a turn in the tunnel of the cave._   
  
_When they reached this, Kylo was now able to see the being with him. They both walked forward in the sickly yellow lighting. There, around the large, flat stone in the center were the Knights._   
  
_The Knights looked up when Kylo and the visitor walked in._   
  
_Kylo entered ahead of the visitor, ready to take his place in the circle of his Knights. The Knights were a balance with two keystones--it was why their order was not to be broken._   
  
_Kylo himself was the first keystone, the leader, the strongest. To his right branched Nattu, his right hand. His left hand was across from Nattu: Katamara. She held the hand of the first of the twins, Evaqi, who held her sister, Vaenua. Across from the two of them were their equals: brothers Zusnak and Deashed._   
  
_Deashed held the hand of Nyhl, the youngest of the group. Across from him was Rehu, his counterpart. The two of them each had a hand of the second keystone, Ixitax. They were simply the conduit of the group, but they brought the circle to its perfection._  
  
_As Kylo approached his circle of Knights, prepared to join hands with Nattu and Katamara, he noticed that there was not space for him._   
  
_They had closed the circle without him._   
  
_Spinning around, Kylo stared at the visitor. This all made no sense._   
  
_As the visitor approached, all Knights released hands. Ixitax swooned from the strain of being the sole keystone, Rehu and Nyhl immediately coming to their aid. Kylo shook his head. That is exactly why this was all wrong._  
  
_In sync, Nattu and Katamara--Kylo's best Knights, lifted their heads and spoke to the visitor._   
  
_When they spoke, Kylo felt like there was screaming in his ears. He couldn't make sense of any of it. Why was this happening?_   
  
_He looked at the visitor and the being nodded in understanding, responding in calm, soothing clicks. These sounds were then processed through a translator into the screams from before, making Kylo shut his eyes in pain._   
  
_When he opened them again, the exchange seemed to be done. The Knights turned and reconnected the circle, still lopsided without Kylo. The visitor turned to leave._   
  
_Still confused, Kylo chased after the visitor but they were soon both plunged back into the darkness of the cave and descending back to the opening. Kylo had no choice but to go all the way there to find the visitor._   
  
_When the light of the cave opening appeared once more, Kylo saw the visitor. But no matter what he did--speaking, grabbing the being--he could not seem to make his presence known or get any reaction whatsoever. They made their way back along the sand paths, Kylo trying to find answers, when the being raised a hand. Slowly, a ship lowered until it was close enough that the alien jumped on, flying off._   
  
Kylo was thrown from the kidnapper's mind with great force. The alien in front of him wavered on their feet.   
  
Understanding settled around Kylo. Rage overtook him and, with a swift step, he was in front of the kidnapper and he plunged the lightsaber upwards through their head.   
  
The alien went limp on Kylo's lightsaber.   
  
After making sure that the captor was dead, Kylo turned to go back into the house.   
  
The door closed behind him and Hux came out of one of the other rooms, Cameon in his arms, blaster strapped to his back.   
  
When Hux got close enough to him, he paused for a moment, looking unsure. “Your eyes are yellow,” he said. Kylo made no response.   
  
Hux shook his head, knowing there were more important things. “What did you find?"   
  
Incredibly weak from the ways he had drained himself with the Force, Kylo sat down. "I'm not sure," he said, his voice thin.   
  
Noticing Kylo's fatigue, Hux ran to get him a glass of water, setting Cameon down at Kylo's feet. With a soft smile, Kylo scooped up his son and set him on his knee.   
  
"Daddy, you look tired," Caemon said, hand coming up to pat Kylo's cheek.   
  
Still smiling, Kylo just nodded. Hux returned with the water and Kylo drank it gratefully before setting the glass down. He knew that Caemon probably shouldn't hear the conversation that he and Hux were about to have so covered his son's ears.   
  
"That bad?" Hux asked, noticing what Kylo was doing.   
  
"I don't know." Kylo swallowed, really not sure how to explain everything to Hux. "I don't understand."   
  
Hux sat down across from his husband. "Maybe we can understand together."   
  
Kylo nodded. "I was in the kidnapper's mind. They had been with Kura. With the Knights."   
  
"Why are the Knights with _Kura_ ? It isn't time yet."   
  
"I know. I think...." He abandoned the sentence. "They're weak. They lost me. I'm the keystone."   
  
Understanding, Hux nodded. "They're unbalanced."   
  
"Yes. But they're trying to close the circle without me. That won't work without the balance to it. I think Nattu and Katamara are trying to jointly bear the burden of the leader, but it won't work like that. The circle is perfect. There is a leader, two supporters, four mirrored equals, two weaker supporters, and the final keystone. If Nattu and Katamara try to fill my place, then they can no longer be supporters and the circle is still unbalanced. I don't understand. They can't do it. Why would they even try?"   
  
"Maybe they tried because they didn't want you anymore after what happened."   
  
Kylo chewed on his bottom lip, slowly starting to put the pieces together. "It's like they excommunicated me when they closed the circle without me."   
  
"They would only do that because you left."   
  
"No." He met Hux's eyes and there was a panic in them. "They did it because they were forced to."   
  
"I don't understand."   
  
"When I killed Snoke-- shit --when I killed Snoke, I took his place, Hux. I am no longer the leader of the Knights, no longer the keystone. I'm the puppeteer; I'm Snoke."   
  
"So they were forced to try and close the circle without you." Hux thought on it for a moment, clearly seeing how Kylo had made some connections he was too afraid to voice. "What is it, Kylo?" He prodded. But nothing. There was fear gripping his husband and he couldn't get him out of it.   
  
"Kylo," Hux began, understanding finally coming across him as well. His skin ran cold. "What is the procedure for when the Knights lose their keystone?"   
  
Voice barely a whisper, Kylo said, "To find another one." His breaths began to come faster now. "That's why they want Caemon. He's the perfect fit, being my son. Hux--" Kylo scoot himself closer to his husband. "This is also why I felt the need to go with Rey that day."   
  
Because Hux's face showed that he was confused, Kylo elaborated. "It was directly after I killed Snoke. I was feeling the wave of being rejected as my position of the leader of the Knights. I interpreted it as the light. Instead, it was me taking Snoke's position."   
  
Hux stared at the face of his son. "And it was the beginning of the Knights looking for your replacement." He stood, shaking himself. "I never thought I would say this, but we have to go to Organa. We can't let this happen; Caemon can't—he's a child—he—“   
  
Kylo agreed. "We have to kill the Knights."

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylo is mama bear 
> 
> ok so here is the deal w my knights: i like balance so like each knight has their equal counterpart they kind of come in pairs like it was destiny (or yk the force). Ixitax is irrelevant. the other 8 that i mentioned are the ones that I typically use in fics (they have been seen in my trashy tropes series, specifically the fic "Don't Pretend You Can't See It" and they are in lots of my WIPs. After those 8 I literally have 12 other "expendable" Knights that I use at random and Ixitax is one of them lmao
> 
> you'll also notice i added a chapter count!! there will be 5 chapters for part III (i'm thinking lmao) and then an epilogue!


	17. Plans

Hux chewed on his bottom lip. “And how exactly do you suggest we do that? Kill the Knights, I mean.”    
  
Kylo paused for a moment, glancing down to his son in his lap, tiny ears covered by Kylo’s palms. He kissed the top of Caemon’s head.    
  
“For one, we’re going to need the Rebel forces.”    
  
“Do you think they would help us?” From his position standing, Hux began to pace. “We signed a treaty saying we would stay out of the war. If we violate that, both they and we are guilty of a war crime.”    
  
“Do you honestly give a shit?”    
  
Hux shrugged. “Isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last.”    
  
“Besides,” Kylo said, his fingers stroking Caemon’s short curls. “Organa was the one who signed the treaty as a witness. If she agreed to, it could probably be annulled. I think she would only press the matter if we went back to the First Order. Which, technically, you are still Emperor of and I am Supreme Leader of by conquest.”    
  
Hux ran his hands through his hair. “Well, that’s a semi-shit show.” Another deep breath. “Do you think we should use our positions in the First Order to our advantage? We could go back and infiltrate, working secretly with the Rebel forces.”    
  
For a moment, Kylo considered the idea. “The Knights would take the bait and that’s almost the problem. The second they find out that Caemon isn’t there with us they’ll know what we’re trying to do. And then they’ll attack us and we don’t want that; we have to be on the offense.”    
  
Crossing his arms, Hux said, “Do you really think they would leave  _ Kura _ , being as weak as they are?”    
  
“Either way, we’ll have to hope not. I think our best option is to find them with  _ Kura _ while they are preoccupied with trying to close the circle. They’d be at their most vulnerable then.”    
  
For a moment, Hux began to nod along and then he stopped short. “Wait, big fucking problem, you reckless fucking—“ He cut himself off, trying to calm the anger in him.    
  
“Let’s remember,” Kylo said. “That the most productive way to do this is to not curse at one another.”    
  
Hux threw him a dirty look. “You probably have already realized this but what you may have forgotten is that you are married to  _ me. _ You think you are so intimidating and powerful that you can just do whatever you want but you are not going onto that planet alone. The Knights never go to meet  _ Kura _ alone, let alone to fight all the Knights whilst they are with  _ Kura. _ Are you insane?”    
  
Kylo’s face looked grim: he had already realized this. “Well, it isn’t exactly like you can go. You have to be Force-sensitive or the planet will you confuse you and you’ll get lost and die. It’s my personal theory that  _ Kura _ consumes all those who aren’t Force sensitive.”    
  
“Well, you’re not going alone. I don’t care. We can sit in orbit around the planet and wait for the Knights to finally leave  _ Kura, _ First Order escort be damned.”    
  
Hux resumed pacing as Kylo sat and thought. They both knew that plan wasn’t good enough and there was no point going to Organa without a formulated plan. Her forces were so thin right now that she couldn’t take any courses of action without knowing what they would possibly lead to.    
  
“Maybe I won’t have to go alone,” Kylo said.    
  
Stopping, Hux turned to face Kylo, a brow arched. “I’m sorry, but do we know any other dark side Force sensitives willing to accompany you to commit murder that I don’t know about?”    
  
“No one said that you have to be on the dark side to be with  _ Kura. _ ”    
  
“You yourself said that the entire reason the Knights go to that planet is to connect with the dark side through  _ Kura. _ Why would  _ Kura _ let you down there otherwise?”    
  
“Well, we’ve technically never tried it, but I think they would be fine afterward. It might take a great bit of willpower but...there would be enough of us, then. I even have a theory of something I could do to help keep them from going crazy.”    
  
Hux pulled a face that showed how much he didn’t like this, but he sat down to listen. “Okay, theory later. Tell me who is going with you in this fabrication of yours. The girl, I assume?”    
  
“Why are you always so pissed whenever she’s mentioned?”    
  
As soon as Hux’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, Kylo knew he had said the wrong thing. “Well, for one, you did kind of run away with her, if you don’t recall.”    
  
“Okay, sorry. But yes. Rey, for one, would go with me. Finn is also Force-sensitive. So much so he has been able to remember Caemon after having been told about him away from the Force aura around him.”    
  
“So, the girl and the traitor? That’s your big team?”    
  
Kylo shifted in his seat, noticing Caemon getting annoyed with the situation. “Why do you call him that?”    
  
“He betrayed the First Order.”    
  
“So did you and I.”    
  
Hux’s mouth pressed into a straight line. He didn’t like that.    
  
“And to answer your question,” Kylo continued. “That is not all.”    
  
“Then who?”    
  
He wasn’t sure if it was the best decision, or if she would even agree, but he had to at least try. “My mother. She’s Force-sensitive and can handle a lightsaber better than you would think.” He paused, considering before adding, “And she would be doing it for her grandson. I’m sure she wouldn’t hesitate.”    
  
He wasn’t sure, though.    
  
“That’s still only you and three other people, Kylo. Against nine highly trained Knights of Ren.”    
  
“There is...someone else.”    
  
Hux rolled his eyes. “Would you stop dramatically introducing each person like some big reveal and just tell me? We don’t want to stay on this planet for much longer.”    
  
“Look, it’s just...I’m not sure if he’s still alive.”    
  
Now, Hux looked confused. “Luke?”    
  
“No.”    
  
Hux sat back in his chair. “Okay. I’m listening.”    
  
  
__________   
  
  
Kylo threw the duffel bag into the passenger cabin of the small ship; it landed right next to Caemon's feet. The little child looked up at his dad as Kylo continued to move items from the pile next to the ship into the main cabin.    
  
"Daddy, where are we going?" Caemon asked.    
  
Pausing, Kylo walked over to Caemon. The child was standing on the small landing on the cabin, his feet about at Kylo's chest height. He smiled at his son. "Everything's going to be okay, alright, snug bug? I promise."    
  
Just then there was a loud and troubling clank from underneath the ship. Kylo ducked down, looking underneath to where Hux was awkwardly squatting with a few wrenches.    
  
"Do you almost have this ready?" Kylo asked. "Because that didn't sound so good."    
  
Hux threw him a dirty look. "Faking inner-ship communications isn't easy, you know. In order to mask our identities, trajectory, and location, there's a lot I have to do here." He glanced around him before seemingly spotting what he needed. "Can you hand me that?" He nodded past Kylo to a pile of what looked like junk next to him.    
  
Kylo moved it over with a wave of his hand, earning an eye roll from his husband. They had torn up the pipes of both their ship and their unwelcome visitor's. They couldn't be too careful in this war against the Knights and wanted as much cover as they could. Hux was rewiring the other ship with devices from their own--to anyone outside, including spies for the Knights, they would look like another junker. But to the technicians of the Resistance, they would be able to identify themselves.    
  
To Kylo it seemed like a lot of work that would only buy them seconds if they met anything out there. To Hux, those seconds were all he could do for them.    
  
There was a snap and a spark and Hux reattached the ship panel before coming to stand by Kylo.    
  
The two exchanged a nod. They were ready to go.    
  
Both climbed into the cabin and Kylo scooped up Caemon in his arms. Earlier they had had the argument over who was going to pilot the ship--Hux had argued that his formal training was more efficient and Kylo had won with his back-alley family method. He could out-maneuver anything or anyone that they encountered.    
  
Hux took up his position, quickly familiarizing himself with the weapons system of the ship. Kylo sat in the pilot's seat with Caemon on his lap.    
  
The small child had a smile on his face, playing with a small action figure as Kylo began flipping switches and pressing buttons. Caemon was oblivious, but both of his fathers were prepared for quite the fight on their way to the Resistance Base.    
  
But all went smoothly. There were no issues, no one tracking them, no one patrolling the space surrounding their planet. They didn't encounter a single other soul until they hailed the technicians at the Resistance base. All Kylo had to do was identify himself and they were cleared to land.    
  
Kylo was just powering the ship down when he noticed his husband standing behind him, tense. Kylo pulled his cowl around his shoulders. "I know this is difficult for you, babe."    
  
Hux glanced to the side. "You have no idea."    
  
"It's all going to be okay."    
  
Taking a deep breath and trying to hide his true emotions, Hux said, "Yes, well, if one of them shoots me, I can't say that I'll be surprised." Neither of them laughed. "Maybe you should walk out first."    
  
Kylo nodded. "Good idea."   
  
Both hesitated for a moment. "They're probably waiting," Hux said, but he made no move towards the door.    
  
Leaning forward, Kylo pulled Hux into a hug and kissed his forehead. "I'll be right beside you, okay? The entire time." He waited for Hux's stiff nod before releasing him and opening the hatch.     
  
They walked out with their heads held high, Kylo in front of Hux, into a circle of Rebels. A few eyes went wide when Hux appeared behind Kylo, but no one dared to say anything.    
  
When he reached the ground, Kylo spoke. "We're here to speak with General Organa. It's urgent."    
  
__________   
  
The entire Resistance, it seemed, had gathered to hear their story in the same room that Kylo had found himself in months ago when he defected. It felt like years had passed since this all began. Most had listened patiently to how their child was almost kidnapped and Kylo's subsequent interrogation. The faces around the room depicted focused concern the entire time.    
  
"Because of this," Kylo was in the middle of saying. "Hux and I have determined that we need to kill the Knights. They won't stop until they find their Keystone and restore the balance of the circle. Once they do that not only will they be stronger, but my connection to them will be almost unseverable. We are presenting you with the opportunity to take down the First Order when it is at its weakest because once the Knights are restored, the Order will answer to the Supreme Leader and the Emperor. Which, as has been explained, are still Hux and me. Any questions?"    
  
A hand went up in the back. Kylo didn't bother to notice who it was, only nodded for them to go on.    
  
"If you're both on our side and you're in control of the First Order then why do we have to fight? Why can't we just wait until you two are in full power? It'd be an easy win."    
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Kylo thought he saw Hux flinch.    
  
"For one," Kylo answered, tone deadly. "The Knights restoring the circle means them kidnapping our son. Trust me, if you fail to help us prevent that happen, you will experience our full rage. I don't think you want to piss us off that much." He held the tension for a moment. "Any other questions?"   
  
Rey lifted her head. "Where is Cameon now?"    
  
Kylo glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, snug bug."   
  
Red curls popped out from underneath Kylo's cowl. "Daddy!" Kylo couldn't help smiling at his son.    
  
After Caemon was back to his hiding place, the room got serious again.    
  
"So we know where the Knights are now?" Someone clarified.    
  
"Yes," Kylo nodded. "Unfortunately, the planet they're on is likely to have a First Order escort. In addition, this place is riddled with the Force. Anyone not in tune to it gets hopelessly lost and dies. Possibly from being consumed by  _ Kura _ , the Force being that resides there."    
  
"So we have to wait until the Knights leave?" Poe asked.    
  
"I don't think we have that kind of time. They won't leave until they have the Keystone and have closed the circle."    
  
"Remind me how many of them there are?" Leia spoke for the first time since the meeting had begun.    
  
Kylo glanced at his husband and Hux nodded, moving towards one of the computers on the base. He plugged in the chip he carried and information on the Knights of Ren was projected into the center.    
  
"There are two Keystones," Kylo began. "In one power is culminated and contained. In the other, power is drawn from. The second keystone is essentially a Force conduit. The other is the leader. The rest of the circle is mirrored from there: two stronger supporters, four mirrored equals, and two weaker supporters. Power from both sides flows from the conduit, through the circle, to the leader." Kylo gestured at the diagram in the center of the room.    
  
"Okay," Leia said. "So we're up against nine. Best way to attack our enemy is to know our enemy. Give us profiles."    
  
Kylo started with the strongest. "First are my right and left hands: Nattu and Katamara. Currently, they are trying to hold the circle together by bearing the brunt of the Keystone as well as their roles as supporters. This works to our advantage because our two strongest enemies are going to be incredibly weak from this. That doesn't mean, though, that we should underestimate them.   
  
"Continuing on my right, past Nattu, will be Zusnak and Deashed. Brothers. Mirrored across from them next to Katamara are Evaqi and Vaenua, twin sisters. Both pairs of siblings will die for the other pair as well as their sibling. The key to fighting these four is to break them up. The fight as a team of pairs. We have to scramble them.    
  
"The last two are Nyhl and Rehu." Here, Kylo paused, reigning in his emotions. "They are the youngest of the group. Nyhl, specifically. They are both reckless and impulsive. Rehu has only been with the Knights for about a year--we lost Skakkard in battle and found Rehu. But that isn't important. My point is that there is a chance that if she realizes how overwhelmed she is, she may try to run for it. She still doesn't fully trust the Knights. That's her weakness. And her weakness is the weakness of the group."    
  
Again, Kylo paused, not wanting to continue. He did not want to kill the Knights--they were part of him--but they had left him no choice.    
  
"And Nyhl?" Someone prompted.    
  
With a deep breath, Kylo continued. "Nyhl joined the Knights when he was a child. He was alone in the world, orphaned by a bombing, and his pain cut through the Force and every Knight felt it. He's been with us ever since."    
  
Having to speak of Nyhl this way turned Kylo's stomach. But he knew that he must. Because, most of all the Knights, Nyhl was the least likely to give up the fight in peace.    
  
"He is recklessly loyal. It is both his greatest strength and greatest weakness. Some of the Knights may surrender, but Nyhl will not. If we kill a single one of the Knights, Nyhl will fight until he dies. We are all he has. We are his family. We raised him. Despite knowing this, all I ask is that I am at least given a chance to try and reason with him." Kylo swallowed thickly; he would not cry in this room.    
  
"And the last one? The other Keystone?"    
  
Internally, Kylo shook off his emotions. "Ixitax will not be a problem. The secondary Keystone voluntarily sacrifices all of their energy so that the leader may be stronger. They essentially won't have anything left to fight with."    
  
His speech was done, Kylo turned back to the crowd, once more looking for questions. His mother caught his eye.    
  
"So, who do you propose our army is if those who aren't Force-sensitive die on this planet?"    
  
Another deep breath. He could not believe he had considered what happened earlier as tricky. "Firstly, me, of course, as well as all other Force-sensitive volunteers."    
  
He was met with silence. The entire room knew how few that meant.   
  
"If you would consider it," Kylo said, speaking to his mother. "For Caemon," he added.    
  
After only a moment's consideration, Leia lifted her chin. "I'll go. I'm not what I once was, but I can be of some use."    
  
Rey stood. "I'll go too. But that's still only three of us."    
  
Silence lingered for a moment before Finn sighed. He looked at Kylo. "You sure I'm not gonna go crazy?"    
  
Kylo lifted a shoulder. "I'll do my best but I can't guarantee it."    
  
"Okay."    
  
"Really?" Kylo asked. "I thought you were going to take more convincing than that."    
  
Finn narrowed his eyes, the entire room watching the conversation. "I don't trust you. You did just admit that you and your husband are in complete control of the First Order."    
  
"Exactly! That's why I thought you wouldn't go."    
  
"And let the General and Rey walk in there alone with you?"    
  
Kylo deflated a little. "Oh. Right." Of course, Finn didn't trust him. Why would he? "I will say, though, that it would do good for you to learn a little bit more about how to use a lightsaber. That wound on your back could be a vulnerability. If you'll let me, I can help you."    
  
Finn looked like he wasn't going to accept, but Rey gave him a look over her shoulder that he couldn't see.    
  
"Alright," Finn said. "But that's still four against nine. Three of which are fairly untrained."    
  
"I suppose," Leia began. "That one of us could probably handle Nattu and Katamara, one agaisnt Nyhl, hoping that Rehu leaves or doesn't put up much of a fight, but that would leave the other two against the four. We would have no way of splitting them up. Maybe if we just had one more person, we could pull it off."    
  
Here, Kylo smiled. It finally felt like things were falling into place. "I may have an idea about that." 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, don't get too excited about who's going to show up to help cause it's an OC
> 
> __________
> 
> im so sorry i spend so much time talking about useless shit. i have our final chapters outlined tho!! so! hopefully that means more content. i haven't been writing as much recently bc ive been getting super ahead for school 
> 
> __________
> 
> [ Poe, when Caemon pops his head out from underneath Kylo's cowl ](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/456271005990496359/?lp=true)
> 
>  
> 
> __________
> 
> a snippet of the same fucking discussion hux and kylo have every time kura is mentioned: 
> 
> Hux: that's stupid and doesnt make sense 
> 
> kylo: it’s a force thing!!!
> 
> hux: you can’t just keep saying ‘it’s a force thing' and using that as an excuse for illogic 
> 
> kylo: it’s not illogical it’s actually a force thing!!
> 
> hux: it’s either a sentient planet or a being on the planet. it cannot be both separate from and one with the planet. it doesn’t work that way
> 
> kylo: you don’t understand. you’ve never been there. when you’re with Kura you see things in the force. that’s why we think this
> 
> hux: yes, it’s called hallucinogenic pheromones, kylo


	18. Considerations

Hux sat down, caf in hand, at the small table where his husband sat with his head in his hands. He pushed the cup towards Kylo and put his hand on his shoulder.    
  
"You feeling alright, love?"    
  
Pushing his hands back through his hair, Kylo inhaled deeply and looked up. Hux could see that his eyes were red. Kylo quickly glanced around the room and leaned just a little bit closer to his husband.    
  
"I've been trying to reach out through the Force to contact him, see if he's still alive. I'm straining myself like crazy and all it seems to be doing is putting everyone in danger. What if the Knights feel me instead?" He put his head on Hux's shoulder. "I'm so worried I'm getting to get Finn, Rey, and my mom killed and not even be able to save Caemon."    
  
Kylo lifted his head, quickly rubbing a hand underneath his eyes to wipe away tears. "And on top of everything, I'm struggling with the fact that I have to kill the Knights." He wrenched his eyes shut, well aware that his bottom lip was trembling.    
  
Unable to take it anymore, Kylo leaned forward, pressing the bases of his palms into his eyes, leaning on his knees.    
  
Hux rubbed small circles on his back and pressed his forehead against Kylo's hair. He kissed Kylo's head, just above his ear. "I'm so sorry, Kylo. I'm so sorry that you ended up in this situation and that I can't do anything to help."    
  
Kylo let out a sob and sat up again, trying to regain control of himself and failing. "Hux, what if I can't do it? I don't--I can't--" Pausing, he held his hand to his face again. "He's like a brother to me."    
  
Lovingly, Hux pushed back Kylo's hair and wiped his tears. He knew who this was really about. The Knights were allowed attachments, but weren't supposed to get this involved with them. But Kylo had always been close to Nyhl. He hadn't been exaggerating when he said yesterday that the Knights had raised him:    
  
Nyhl was orphaned at seven. Unable to control his emotions and his strong connection with the Force, his grief had been felt by all of the Knights and it was so strong that Kylo insisted they go at once to find him. Kylo had found him: a child covered in dust, crying among the rubble of his home. It was Kylo that had scooped the kid up in his arms and carried him back to the ship, had convinced him to eat something, had made him understand that he was safe. The two had an unbreakable bond, even stronger than as with the rest of the Knights.    
  
In the seven years that had passed since, Nyhl had been known to break protocol to visit Kylo about anything that was on his mind. Even, sometimes, just for the two of them to spend time together. Hux had been shocked when he first learned about what was going on, as it wasn't exactly allowed by the Knights' rules, but Kylo let it slide. Nyhl really was like a little brother to Kylo. He may be able to compartmentalize and rationalize killing all of the other Knights for his child, but would grieve until his own death day if he ever had to harm Nyhl.    
  
He would, for Caemon. But he would never forgive himself.    
  
Once more, Kylo straightened up, trying to force himself back into being in control of his emotions. Hux ran his hands through Kylo's hair. "Take a minute, love. Before you go back to the others. This isn't an easy decision for you and that's okay." He tucked a lock behind Kylo's ear. "I don't think I'd recognize you if you could hurt Nyhl without it being difficult."    
  
Standing, Hux gave Kylo another quick kiss on the head. "Tell me if you need anything," he said, before leaving his husband in peace.    
  
When he walked out of the room, he didn't know what to do with himself. Hux had never been one to have friends, exactly, but this was entirely different. He was behind enemy lines and utterly useless. There wasn't even any sort of mission to distract him, which hadn't happened in his life. So he returned to he and Kylo's quarters to do the only thing that mattered to him: be with his son.    
  
Back in the room Hux had just left, Kylo set down the empty cup of caf his husband had brought him and brushed his hair back from his face, tying it in a knot behind him. He wanted to try contacting one of his former masters one more time before returning to training with Finn.    
  
Straightening his spine, Kylo closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, feeling tranquility wash over him as he opened himself to the Force. The chances of finding his old master were slim, but knew he had to try.    
  
Kylo spoke out with his mind, feeling like he was screaming into a void. One final burst of his energy traveled along with his message and he opened his eyes, gasping.    
  
He knew he had done all that he could.    
  
Not a minute passed before Rey wandered into the room. "There you are," she said. "We've been looking for you. The meditation is going pretty well but we were wondering if you were going to join us?" She came around and sat at the table across from him. It was then that she noticed the look on his face. "Hey, are you alright?"    
  
Sighing deeply, Kylo leaned his forearms on the tabletop. "I've been trying to...contact someone. I don't even know if he's alive."   
  
"The person you think would help us?"    
  
Kylo nodded. Then, he looked Rey in the eyes. "I'm glad you're here. I've been meaning to talk to you. About  _ Kura. _ "    
  
Once Kylo felt certain that he had her sufficient attention, he said what he had been needing to say about this mission. "Rey, there's a good chance that I'm going to die."    
  
Rey's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Why are you so certain? Surely there must be another way to--"    
  
"You can't tell my husband about this." At Kylo's serious tone, Rey's face turned somber and she nodded. "What I have said about  _ Kura _ is true, but I have downplayed it by far. There is a lot that you must understand. Firstly, the Knights do not go to  _ Kura _ alone. Most of why is difficult to understand because we don't know exactly what  _ Kura _ is. Just that it is a Force-being of some sort that might be intertwined with the planet or maybe is the planet--we don't know. But when you go there, you go to commune with  _ Kura _ and it puts you in connection with the Dark Side of the Force."    
  
Rey interrupted. "But I thought you said that we didn't have to be with the Dark Side to go there. Just that we had to be Force-sensitive."    
  
Kylo sighed, kneading his hands together. So much of this he wasn't sure how to explain. "I know I said that. And I do have an idea about how to protect you. But it'll probably cost me my life and I need you to be prepared for what to do immediately following my death in order to get yourself and the others to safety."    
  
He could tell Rey wanted to argue, wanted to insist that they would find a way to save him, but she resigned herself and nodded.    
  
"The Knights don't go alone because of how powerful  _ Kura _ is. Therefore, when we all are communing with  _ Kura _ at once, its powers are diluted across all of our minds. As we kill off each individual Knight,  _ Kura _ will apply more of their being to each mind of every person remaining." Here he paused in order to stress his next point. "Taking the full force of communing with  _ Kura _ is highly likely to kill anyone."    
  
Rey nodded slowly, thinking over his words. "So as we kill the Knights, the strain on us is going to be even more powerful."    
  
Gravely, Kylo shook his head. "No. As we kill the Knights, the strain on  _ me _ will become more powerful."    
  
"But if we just help you--" Rey began, but Kylo cut her off.    
  
"Absolutely not."    
  
Rey threw her hands out to the sides. "Why not?"    
  
Pausing for a moment, Kylo ran his hands through his hair. There was so much she did not understand. "Many reasons. First. Once you commune with  _ Kura _ , you will lose all chance of avoiding the Dark Side. It will consume you."    
  
"Isn't converting people to the Dark Side something you're in favor of?"    
  
Kylo nodded. "It was. At one point. But I don't think anyone should be forced to pick a side. It happened to me and now it's happening to my child and I want to respect your decision to be ambiguously in the middle and figure things out for yourself."    
  
Rey was quick to respond. "I'd rather join the Dark Side then have you die in a completely preventable way."    
  
Laughing under his breath, Kylo said, "And that's exactly why you shouldn't. But just in case that doesn't convince you...If you and I attempt to accommodate the full force of  _ Kura, _ our chances of dying from the strain are not equal."    
  
"Why not? Wouldn't that help you?"    
  
He didn't know how to explain this to her. "It would. The chances would be much higher of you dying. Not me. Firstly, when the Knights first bring someone to commune with  _ Kura _ it is an effort on the part of all of us to open their mind slowly. The first time is the most dangerous by far and despite all precautions, many still die just from being overwhelmed. In addition, you are likely stronger than I am. In the interest of power,  _ Kura _ would likely give more of itself to you than me; it wouldn't a 50/50 split like you're imagining."    
  
Rey rolled her eyes. "I'm not stronger than you."    
  
"We fought when you had no training and I got my  _ ass _ handed to me. Rey, you're stronger than you know. That's why Snoke had established the Force-link between us so that I would have opportunities to turn your mind towards the Dark Side." He paused, wondering if he should or not, before adding, "I knew about it all along. I knew he had fabricated it. I'm sorry."    
  
For long moments, Rey sat in silence before speaking again. "So what you're saying is if I try to help you, we'll likely both die. And then there's no one to protect Finn and Leia."    
  
"Exactly."    
  
She gnawed on her lip, clearly dissatisfied with the situation. "How likely would you say it is to kill you?"    
  
Kylo scrunched his eyes shut: this conversation was giving him a headache and it was only growing with each question Rey asked. "I'd say about ninety percent." He opened his eyes and looked at her to emphasize his point. "If I hadn't been communing with  _ Kura _ for years, it wouldn't be a question of how likely, but how long."    
  
Rey crossed her arms. "So what am I supposed to do if you die? And how are we keeping our minds blocked off from such a powerful being?"    
  
"This is where it gets tricky," Kylo said, trying to think straight past the dull ache in his brain. "You have to close your mind and I need you to help Finn and my mom close theirs. It will be especially difficult after I die because  _ Kura _ will be coming at you with full force. You need to get off the planet as fast as you can.  _ Kura _ will try to confuse you. Each step you take will seem like you're walking in circles. If this starts to happen, it's a sign that your mind is not fully closed. Fix it and keep running. That's all you can do."    
  
Rey was chewing on her nails, as she thought. "And you're sure there's no other way to go about this entire thing? One with less risk?"    
  
"No. This is my child, Rey. I will die for him without hesitation."    
  
She straightened up in her chair. "Okay, what about this guy that you're trying to contact? Is he Dark Side?"    
  
Kylo breathed a sigh of relief, already feeling his headache subsiding. "Yes. The chances of him responding are small but he would be able to help me bear the weight of  _ Kura _ if he helps us. If he's even alive."    
  
"Who is he?" Rey asked.    
  
This was a story that Kylo had to prepare himself for, but he figured Rey deserved an answer. "The Knights weren't always under the control of Snoke. Snoke was in my head when I was a kid, trying to control me. He was what led me to kill everyone when I was training under Luke. This then drove me to find the Knights.    
  
"At the time, Nattu, my right hand, had not yet joined the group. And...Well, we had a different Master. I did not challenge him. I was the right hand and he was the keystone. Vyb. Snoke had tried to control him but was unable. Vyb has the highest amount of self-control and discipline of anyone I have ever met. And since he was the Master and against Snoke, we all were. The Knights unerringly follow the will of the Master. There was just one problem: Snoke had control of me.   
  
"Vyb tried to guide me out of that, but there was just no helping it. I was gone. Eventually, it began creating cracks in the circle and different sides were chosen and fighting almost broke out. In fact, it would have if Vyb wasn't so great a Master. Ultimately, Snoke pushed me to challenge him and instead of fighting, he left in self-preservation. I remember, before he left, he told me that if I ever really wanted to fight Snoke, to escape him, to let him know. He said he would gladly help. And then he disappeared. From that point on, Snoke controlled the Knights.    
  
"This happened over the course of two years. Some of the Knights tried to hunt him down but, like I said, he has impenetrable self-control. He had blocked all of us out. It was then that Nattu joined and then Nyhl and Rehu and we replaced the other keystone countless times. A lot has changed since then. I always took Vyb at his word when he told me he would help if I wanted to change things. So many times I considered calling on him. Don't know what always stopped me."    
  
Having finished his tale, Kylo sat back in his chair.    
  
"Why do you think he's dead?" Was all Rey had to say. "This was only eight years ago that he had left."    
  
Kylo shrugged. "He was an old man then. Actually, I don't know if old can cover it. Ancient. Maybe that's how he had so much discipline. We always thought that he used the Force to sustain him and if he cut himself off from it in order to avoid detection, he may have died."    
  
Rey nodded. "I get that. But, still, he may be out there somewhere."    
  
"Doesn't mean he's willing to help," Kylo countered.    
  
"He offered."    
  
"He offered eight years ago to help me kill Snoke, not the beloved Knights that he once shared his mind and soul with. The bond between the Knights of Ren is so deep and complete. It was difficult for all of us when the infighting began over Snoke. Looking back, it was what he wanted so that he could get me in power because he could control me and he couldn't control Vyb. Besides," Kylo just thought of something else. "What if he's just been waiting for me to contact him so that he can track me down and kill me?"    
  
Rey rolled her eyes again. "I don't think that's going to happen. Anyway, if Vyb does get your message and shows up and helps us, what are the chances of you both surviving  _ Kura? _ "    
  
Kylo pressed his lips together. "Remember when I said that the Knights would never go to  _ Kura _ alone? There's a reason for that. The story--that may or may not be true--goes that when Vyb was much much younger, he attempted to go alone. The person who was then the Master of the Knights found out what he was attempting and brought the entire group to rescue him. He was alone there for entire minutes but they saved him. He almost lost his mind and it took him years to recover. I think with my help, he could do it."    
  
"So, if--" Rey began, but was quickly cut off by the blaring sounds of sirens. All the lights shut off except for the red that began flashing through the corridors. Footsteps raced past the door of the room they were in. One thought rushed through Kylo’s mind:   
  
Caemon.    
  
Kylo and Rey ran to the hallway. A voice came on over the loudspeaker. "We have an unknown spacecraft bypassing checkpoints, outmaneuvering the Rapier Squad, and heading to land without permission at the South of the base. All forces report immediately."    
  
Joining the rush of people, Kylo was swept down the hallway. He held his hand over everyone's head and summoned his lightsaber to him. In mere seconds they had crossed the base and were joining the ranks of soldiers, lining a circle around a landing pad that a large craft was headed for. Blasters were ready to fire, all aiming for the door of the craft as it touched down. Kylo fought his way to the front and turned on his lightsaber, prepared for a fight.    
  
The craft powered down and the blasters raised. Slowly, the door opened and the Resistance fired before anyone even appeared. They were taking no chances with this invasion.    
  
Leia held up her hand and they paused, waiting for the smoke to dissipate from the entrance. Movement inside caused another round of firing, but this time, things were different.    
  
Every plasma bolt froze in midair and remained where it was as a cloaked being descended the ramp. Kylo raised his lightsaber, ready to lunge. The only thought in his mind was that this was another kidnapping attempt. His only thought was for his son    
  
Then something happened that Kylo never thought possible: the plasma bolts dissolved into the air, no longer a threat.    
  
The entire Resistance watched in awe and fear as the Force-being removed their cloak from their face.    
  
Kylo ran forward and dropped to his knees, his lightsaber already off. "Master," he said.    
  
"Stand, Kylo," said the voice from above him and Kylo stood to look into the eyes of his old master, Vyb.    
  
"You came," Kylo whispered.    
  
Vyb smiled. "Of course. I told you I would. Now, if you would please tell your friends that I am a friend and here to help..."    
  
Kylo looked over his shoulder and met his mother's eyes. She nodded and the Resistance put down their weapons.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun news!!! i am turning this into a series!! (bc lol i can't just finish this fic and move on with my life without caemon) 
> 
> i will be doing 2 prequels to this and a sequel so user subscribe if you're interested so you don't miss out!! 
> 
> __________
> 
> in case it is not clear enough, nyhl is a baby and i love him and he is only 14 he is a BABY
> 
> also my knights do and will show up in other fics of mine

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Please feel free to leave a comment and/ or message me on [ tumblr ](https://www.bumblebae8.tumblr.com)
> 
> I am also currently taking ficlet requests on [ tumblr ](https://www.bumblebae8.tumblr.com)


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